Distained
by Genius of Hardwork
Summary: To reunite with his lover, Iwaki would do ANYTHING. But in between the bridge of life and death, what will happen to the raven haired man once his sanity slips away?
1. What Should Have Never Been

**Hehe~ this is the first fanfiction I have posted on this website, and I'm ecstatic! :D This fanfic is **_**Distained**_**, from the manga **_**Haru Wo Daite Ita**_**. WARNING, explicit acts and language will be added, so shield your eyes and get the hell out before it's too late! XD Please review or PM about any suggestions, criticisms, or if you just wanna talk :3 I've noticed that this manga hasn't had any truly long fanfics, so feast your eyes on the one that will beat all the rest :D Hope the quality is enjoyable though ^^; Anyways, ENJOY!

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**Distained**

_What Should Have Never Been_

The room felt as if it was circling endlessly, as the tight grip around his now pale neck forced his senses to become numb. With his mouth slightly ajar, John lightly held onto his thought-to-be friend, whose very hands were stealing the life from his body. "Aki…hi…to…" the barely conscious man muttered softly, as he stared deeply into the emotionless eyes that rested before him, haunting his very being, for he was unable to even think about glancing away. "W-Why…?"

"'Why?' Do I have to answer that John? Do I?" the murderous man shouted back, no longer able to hide away the anger that was concealed within him. "I should be asking _you_ that question! Why bother going to a foreign country just to see a man who couldn't care less about you? Why barge into someone's life just because all you wanted was to show them your love when they believe that emotion if just a piece of unwanted shit!" Akihito yelled back frantically to the almost dead man below him, shedding tears that landed softly on his cheeks; burning the mans skin like acid as they reminded him of rain drops that had been discarded from the dark sky above them.

Until all struggle had ceased from the foreigner, the empty man left the scene within the dark of the night, no longer able to cease the tears he had tried so hard to wipe away. "You idiot…if you didn't come back I would have been through with you…" The raven-haired man spoke in an inaudible tone, walking down the boulevard of 10th street, as he wondered where this action would eventually lead him.

"And…CUT! Great job Iwaki-san, you too Izanagi-kun; this scene is a wrap!" Director Higurashi exclaimed, as Izanagi ruggedly picked himself up from the cemented ground, swaying his blonde hair from left to right as Iwaki was handed a bottle of water from his attractive manager, taking a sip of it as she stared at him with concerned, unamused eyes.

"Alright everyone, that's it for today, and I'll see you all on Monday!" He fare welled to each person on the set, heading towards the speechless man who was preparing for his departure. "Iwaki-san, wait!" Turning back, the handsome actor shone a smile to the producer, stopping entirely as he gave him his full attention.

"What is it, Director?"

"Iwaki-san, why did you come to work today? You should have stayed home and rested, after what ju-" the older man was cut off as the gray eyed man lifted his slender fingers as a queue to end the unneeded sentence, wishing not to hear another word that was compared to blasphemy.

"Director, if an actor like myself mixes personal life with work, it would become disastrous. In such times of grief and despair, I still need to return to my awaited job with a smile on my face until all is completed. What kind of a man would I be if I spent days away, or slowed down production with unneeded emotions? Thank you for worrying, but all is fine. I will see you on Monday, and have a safe trip home." The gentleman explained with a hint of professionalism, placing his façade on perfectly as he left the building towards his car as Shimizu followed behind him, about to crack with disbelief and pain.

"Hey, it's Iwaki-san; do you think we should invite him out for a drink? Everyone on set is co-OUCH!" Hoshu yelled, rubbing his arm as he stared back at his companion.

"Are you crazy? After what happened to him, why the hell would he come out for a drink with anyone? Use your head, he's obviously torn inside." Ryouto warned, exhaling a sharp breath as the person next to him simply nodded, still unable to believe just what reality could provide.

"Yeah, I guess you're right..." he emitted a deep sigh, his face grave with disappointment. "But what I really want to know is how Iwaki-san was able to get here. I mean, he's supposed to be grieving, right? After all, Katou is gone now..." Hoshu asked back, engaging in the conversation as a bit of sadness swept over the two men.

"I think he is, but remember that he's a professional; he could force a façade on as fast as we can blink." The sullen man peered to the vanishing actor, who was now a great distance away from the two. "You know his number one rule: Never associate personal life with work. I just never thought he would really mean it though; I have to give him credit for using it when the time was right." This wasn't right, he was driving himself too deep, this situation couldn't be set aside in just a matter of days!

"You know, I really hated yesterday…"

"I get what you mean, _especially_ those damn paparazzi! Iwaki-san has to deal with one of the hardest things in his life, and those idiots decide to pour salt over his wound? It was ridiculous..." Ryouto spat out, scowling at the treacherous memory that eclipsed his mind.

Allowing a bit of silence to over whelm the workers, Hoshu finally spoke in a soft, barely audible voice "How long do you think he'll last?"

This questions answer seemed quite valid. After all, if Katou truly meant as much to Iwaki-san as they thought, the older actor would eventually drown from this situation. If the boiling water that surrounded his now fragile body didn't get him, the waves to come surely would.

"I don't know…"

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**Sorry if this first chapter is a bit short, but i REALLY wanted it to end with that "I don't know..." line XD I'm thinking about updating this fanfic about twice a week, since only once doesn't really seem to suffice -.- I'll probably be posting up new chapters (if i find out how, cause is being a real bitch to me right now...) every Wednesday and Friday. Is that a good idea? :)**

**Anyways, REVIEW TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED TO KATOU! :D**


	2. Haunting Silence

**Didn't i promise to make this chapter longer? XD Oh well, since i'll be updating this fanfic several times a week, i guess it doesn't really matter x) So yes, this is part two~ ;D Anyways, thank you for reading the first chapter, and please enjoy part II of **_**Distained**_** ;)

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_Haunting Silence_

"You didn't have to come to work today." Shimizu spoke in a sharp tone as she turned the corner, driving her client back home as she did every night.

"You know it would be unprofessional to miss work. Even when death occurs, it's an actors job to put on a smile until he has completed his assignment..." Iwaki simply answered, wishing everyone would understand that as much as he did.

"But it's too soon! After Katou's de-"

"ENOUGH." Iwaki shouted out, ending the conversation in a fit of pure fear, since that thought haunted him deeply, chilling him to the bone. "I understand Shimizu-san, I do..." he clarified, gripping his arms as a substitute for the needed warmth his body craved. "Just think of working as a way for me to help clear my mind. After all, staying home all day in such a large empty house will only hurt me even more and cut this wound deeper. Especially with the fact that this has woken up the paparazzi," Iwaki sighed, shaking his head ever so slightly. "This situation will not leave me alone, so I'd rather not spend my days trapped at home."

The rest of the car ride was spent in peace, at least partially. The air was heavy with solemn pity as Iwaki reached his vacant home shortly, thanking Shimizu for her job well done, and that he would be ready tomorrow morning for her to pick him up.

"But Iwaki-san! You don't have work tomorrow!" She shouted out, but the raven haired man was now secluded into his own dreaded world, unaware of his manager's outburst.

Exhaling a deep sigh, Iwaki removed his shoes as he turned on the lights of his home, walking upstairs towards the bath as he drew the water steaming hot to help the bitter sensation of loneliness escape along with the hot air.

Resting his head back, Iwaki stared up at the ceiling, still unable to allow the fact to completely process through his mind. Unable to hide his despair any longer, the unsure actor hugged his knees tightly, burying his face inside them as he cried out his deceased lover's name.

"Katou…Katou…" he whimpered out, wishing to be held in the fortress of the arms that eased his pain. But after that frightful night of holding the younger man in his arms drenched in blood, the dark liquid wasn't the only thing lost on that painful moonlit afternoon.

Grabbing a towel quickly, Iwaki dried himself as he dashed out the fiery room and tied his rob on efficiently, gripping the sheets of the empty bed as he inhaled the last remains of his other half's scent. "I miss this cologne…" the weak man spoke within the soft fabric, on his knees as he rested his head on the mattress, wondering if this simply was a dream he would wake up from.

After hours of crying endlessly the tears that had been concealed these past days, the groggy actor glanced at the clock, noticing that Shimizu would pick him up in two hours. "I hadn't slept one bit last night…" he muttered to himself, walking downstairs as he remembered the fact he hadn't eaten a single bit of food when he returned home.

"It wouldn't matter since I'm not even hungry."

Suddenly hearing footsteps inside the kitchen, Iwaki stepped inside as his eyes shot open with surprise; unable to even mutter a single word, but only for his mouth to drop open at the sight that fell before him.

_"Iwaki-san, mind explaining something to me?"_ the blonde haired man pouted, placing his right hand on his hip as he looked sternly at his speechless lover.

"Ka…tou?" the faint actor barely managed to say, as he shielded his eyes from the bright light the kitchen bulb illuminated, causing him to feel as if the world around him was twisting in a sickening way, the life out of him fading as he fell onto the wall, his lover jolting at his act, helping Iwaki into a seat to prepare him something quick to eat.

What's…going on?

_"Iwaki-san what's gotten into you? I get home from a quick one day trip and I find out you haven't eaten a single bite of dinner? It's already 5:30 a.m. and you're in your bath robe! Did you just take a shower? Because your hair isn't wet at all…" _Katou noted, shaking his head at all these sudden facts. _"Honestly, I knew I shouldn't have gone, you've been acting weird lately, Iwaki-san." _

_"What…AGAIN?"_ The paralyzed actor screamed in his head, doubting his sanity as he reached hesitantly to the blonde haired man before him.

Placing a simple sandwich in front of the deranged man, Iwaki looked up puzzled at Katou, as if wondering what this was leading to. _"I know that whenever you get this way you don't want to eat anything fancy, so at least eat this and tell me everything that's happened."_ He explained, taking a seat in front of the raven haired man as he watched him sample the food offered to him, noticing Iwaki stare into the golden eyes he possessed, his porcelain cheeks changing to that of the color of soft cherry blossoms.

"Am I…crazy?" he asked himself softly, burying his face into his palms.

_"Why do you ask that? Of course you're not! Please explain."_

"Katou, aren't you…dead? Why are you here? What's going on!" Iwaki cried out, the tears flowing down his pale cheeks once again, as he felt the soft warm touch of his lover, hearing him chuckle.

"_Oh Iwaki-san, __**I AM DEAD**__._" Katou grinned. Confused, the raven haired man quickly lifted his head from his tear stained hands, only to be confronted by a dark kitchen and an empty seat in front of him that hadn't been touched in days.

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**"Poor Iwaki-san..." is what i would say if i was the reader of this fanfic, but i can promise you all (well, at least to the one person i know who is reading this XD) that this is surely **_**just the beginning**_** of forlorn Iwaki-san's pain~ *evil laugh* I have a bit of a twisted mind, so the fact that i can actually type this all out freely makes me really giggly inside x) **

**Oh yeah! And yesterday i just read the ending of Haru Wo Daite Ita (even though i knew what was going to happen since i watched the Youtube video explaining volume 14) and...*Sigh* it's the end~! . 14 volumes cannot suffice, but i'll always keep dear Katou and Iwaki-san in my heart~! **

**REVIEW TO HELP IWAKI-SAN STAY SANE!**

**P.S. I will OFFICIALLY be updating this fanfic on Wednesdays and Saturdays. Just to let you know :D**


	3. It's All In Your Head

**Here's chapter three for you all :) I'm glad this one is a bit longer than the other two, but oooh, Poor Iwaki-san~ (you're going to see why) Anyways! Please enjoy, and don't forget to review! ;)

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_It's all in Your Head_

Shaking uncontrollably, Iwaki's stressed face cracked a smile, as the house filled with his bitter laughter echoing through the walls. Bursting into a fit of hysterics, the distraught man scratched his head savagely; digging his nails into his scalp as the sudden outburst emptied his mind of all rationality.

Knocking over plates and silver ware, the ear piercing crashes complimented his ear drums, as the shaken man gripped the large piece of metal used for cooking. "Katou…" he paused, grinning in a menacing way. "Maybe I am a bit crazy…" he muttered undernearth his breath, laughing harder; his sides hurting as he collapsed onto the rigid floor, the broken pieces of glass and porcelain slicing his skin lightly as his taunting laughter faded into strange chuckles.

"I need you…I need you…Oh God I can't live without you, come back…" he chanted to himself, throwing the knife to the wall as he staggerly walked towards the stair case, falling over on the third step as he gripped the tattered rob that had barely covered his body.

"Upstairs, I have to get upstairs…Shimizu will be here in an hour, I have to get upstairs..." He repeated to himself, barely having any more of a reason to continue his now sober life. After all, Katou was his drug...The stimulant he needed if the world seemed a bit too gray, or the narcotic that would help all worry or trouble vanish. What was curry without any spice, and what were sweets without any sugar? Plain. Blunt. Fruitless. Need it go on?

Managing to pick himself up, he once again walked towards the bathroom that lay to the left of the now incomplete bed room.

Turning on the shower water to freezing cold as a remedy to help wake him from this dejection, his skin became raided in goosebumps as he hesitantly wrapped his arms around himself, as if pretending they were Katou's very arms. _"Iwaki-san, don't cry. You know I hate to see you in this kind of state."_ He heard the consoling voice whisper softly into his ears, as the older man shook his head.

"He's not here…he's not here…" he reminded himself, forcing himself to no longer believe the lie he imagined. But all his actions had failed as he felt Katou's lips caress his own in a lustrous manner. "Not…he's…no-t…not…" Iwaki tried to pursue himself in completing the sentence, but the desire only this man could fulfill ran through his cold veins.

_"Iwaki-san, I love you. I love you so much; I won't let anyone have you."_ Falling onto the floor of the shower, Iwaki wrapped his hands around his now hard member, as he felt the friction consume his very being. _"Iwaki-san you're so beautiful."_

Moaning from the back of his throat, the dazed man fell into the senseless pleasure as he felt his end drawing near. Climaxing suddenly, he once again heard Katou laugh softly in front of him. _"Oh my Iwaki-san, done already?"_ Opening his eyes ajar slightly, the figure before him had vanished once again, as Iwaki questioned the fact if he had fallen too deep into the abyss of despair overwhelming him.

Exiting the bathroom once again, he dressed himself in a hurry as he walked downstairs, suddenly frozen from the realization he just made. "SHIT, there's no work today" he cursed out, annoyed at his foolishness. "Honestly, where has my head been lately?" he muttered to himself, removing his suit as he hung it up neatly, collapsing onto the sofa downstairs as he picked up his current novel.

Taking up the opportunity, he opened it up into a fresh chapter, as he felt the weight of Katou's head resting on his lap. _"Iwaki-san, would you like to go out later today?"_

"The both of us finally have a day off together, so we should spend it relaxing." He spoke calmly, reminding himself that this was nothing more than his mind playing tricks on him. "And is my lap not comforting enough?" He answered into the empty room, being confronted with the presence of his lover for the third time that day.

_"No, it's perfect! I was just wondering if you wanted to make any plans."_ He commented, as Iwaki raked his fingers through his golden hair, easing the younger man. Suddenly forgetting the very fact Iwaki was alone, the sight seemed strange for him to be unexpectedly moving his fingers in thin air.

The silent actor remained that way for the hours to pass, only being forced to stop once he had completed his just currently obtained novel. Exhaling a disappointed sigh, he picked himself up from his seat, stretching leisurely as he passed the kitchen, walking up the claw covered stairs. _"Iwaki-san, what would you like for dinner?"_ Katou called out, as the raven haired man closed his eyes tightly, even smelling the curry Katou was thought to be making.

_"Iwaki-san? Wait up!"_ he called out, chasing after the older man as Iwaki dashed to his solitary room, locking the door behind him as he was welcomed by the pounding of the wood, hearing his non existent lover calling out his name, demanding for entrance.

Using his hands to cover his ears, Iwaki slumped to the floor covering his face into his knees, using the door behind him as support as he tried to force himself to become unable to hear the false cries that were being yelled towards him. "Katou. Is. Dead." He reminded himself, repeating those three words in his mind over and over again.

"Iwaki-san! Open the door! What's wrong, you've been acting strange all day!" Katou cried out even louder, not showing a single ounce of conceding in his voice.

"Katou. Is. Dead." Iwaki said to himself a little louder, clutching his head.

"Iwaki-san! Are you not feeling well? Let's me in I'll help you!"

"KATOU. IS. DEAD." The deranged actor once again spoke, his voice now a bit more menacing then the other times before.

"IWAKI-SAN!" the pounding of the door continued, echoing through the raven haired mans confused mind, trying to calm himself as goosebumps ran over his flesh, feeling himself tremble at this experience.

"YOU'RE DEAD, KATOU!" the tearful man shouted from the top of his lungs, as the vacant house he rested in suddenly grew faintly quiet, forcing the man to exhale a deep sigh, picking himself up as he stared at the door behind him.

Hesitantly reaching for the door knob, he threw the door opened, collapsing at the sudden weight that expelled over him and the all too familiar cries of his name. "Iwaki-san, what's wrong? It's like you've been avoiding me." the false Katou spoke, his voice running through Iwaki like venom. "Is everything alright in work, because your face looks awfully pale…"

Shocked, the older man took in a deep breath, softly closing his eye lids as he began whispering to himself. "He's not here; it's all in my head. He's not here; it's all in my head..."

"Iwaki-san…? I think we should get you to a doctor, come on."

"Not here, it's all in my head."

"Iwaki-san what are you waiting for, get up." The blonde encouraged.

"All in my head, he's not here…"

Katou started to grow a bit inpatient. "If I have to carry you there, I will!" he warned in a sharp tone. But Iwaki remained with his back to the floor, taking in deep breathes as he tried to keep his sanity.

Feeling himself being picked up by the arms that had been worked out on at the gym regularly, his body remained stiff and sore.

"On the count of three, I'll open my eyes…" he softly cautioned to himself, as Katou carried him down the stairs, the pulses of each step surging through his veins.

"One…" Finally reaching the last step of the staircase, he heard the door knob creak as it turned.

"Two…" the cold air splashed against his porcelain colored skin, ensuring him that he was somewhat outside.

"THREE." he spat out, as his eyes bolted open with the sight of the white ceiling above him, no longer being confronted by the voice of the actor who captivated him. Shaking off the trembling feeling that latched onto him, Iwaki picked himself up carefully, only to fall back onto his knees as a jolt of pain ran through his shaken veins.

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**Anyone else feel bad for Iwaki-san? I can't exactly tell the feeling my fanfic is portraying, since I'm the writer, but please give me some feedback on what you currently think about this :) **

**REVIEW TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS IN CHAPTER 4!**


	4. Yesterday is the New Tomorrow

**To clear up any confusion! This chapter is going to begin the flashback of what happened a few days before this fanfic first took place, so right now, Katou IS alive, it isn't in Iwaki's head.**

**LEMON WARNING! Shield your eyes if it's too much! XD**

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_Yesterday Is the New Tomorrow_

Dashing downstairs and gripping his jacket tightly, Iwaki reached for the keys that lay on the counter, exiting his now solemn mad house as he unlocked his car, driving dangerously down the high way. Holding onto the steering wheel, his breath remained unsteady as he slowly approached the treacherous place that always brought a heavy feeling to his chest.

He would occasionally glance up to the discouraging sky, for it illuminated the color of a dark ghastly gray, as if warning Iwaki of the soon exposure to rain that would shower the land with sorrow. Giving an assumed sigh at this sudden weather change, the rest of the short drive was spent in eager anticipation.

Reaching his destination quickly, Iwaki exited from his car, taking a deep breath as he slowed down his pace and reached the mind wrecking grave of his fallen lover. Regulating his breathing as he walked up the endless staircase, Iwaki tried to expel the heavy feeling that lay on his chest, stopping at the top step as he looked forward, proceeding to where _Katou Youji_ eternally rested.

Staring blankly at the dark stone, a soft smile cracked from his empty face as the raven haired man lit an unneeded cigarette, simply discarding it onto the floor without taking in a single puff. "I don't know how much more I can take…" Iwaki spoke in a soft broken tone.

"Katou, would you blame me if I wanted to join you any time soon?" his voice was barely audible, as a breeze blew through his used to be flawless soft hair. Iwaki remained motionless at the sight before him, memories flashing through his mind as the fragile man collapsed to his knees once again, tightening his chest as he felt the tears slide down his cherry blossom flushed cheeks.

Why hadn't he been careful? It was his own fault his lover was dead, and that he was losing his sanity! He couldn't blame anyone but himself for his idiocy.

Without a single sob escaping from his pale lips, the only sound that was heard was the wind slapping against the trees at the side of the cemetery that rested here on higher ground.

**-FOUR DAYS AGO-**

"Iwaki-san! I'm sorry, but I won't be able to make it home until about 3 a.m. The scenes the cast have to work on take place during the middle of the night, so you don't have to wait up for me. And make sure you have dinner, I don't want to find out you've neglected eating because of your new acting role!" Katou spoke in a poutish tone, causing the man on the other end to smile at the blondes anxiety.

"Don't worry, I'll be fine. By the way, did you check the mail yet?" Iwaki asked, staring out the window of the car he was riding in.

"I haven't, aren't you home by now?"

"Almost, I'll check it then when I get back."

"Alright then." Katou grinned "Sorry Iwaki-san, I need to go. I'll see you tomorrow morning, goodnight." He kissed the phone lightly, as Iwaki did the same, hearing a giggle escape from Shimizu-san's as a devilish smirk escaped from her lips.

"Alright Iwaki-san, we're here! Tomorrow you don't start work until five, but you end at around two a.m., so get a good night's rest." The professional manager grinned, as Iwaki gave his farewell, checking out the far right corner where the mail rested before entering his sanctuary.

"Not as much as I expected." the raven haired man muttered to himself, reaching the bottom of the small pile of letters as he read the little information on the cherry red envelope, it addressing to Katou. "I shouldn't open it, since it is addressed to him personally, it would be rude of me." Iwaki explained to himself, placing the satanic mail onto the counter as he removed his shoes, stepping leisurely on the wooden boards while he walked up the stairs efficiently, undressing himself of his suit as he hung the outfit quickly. Falling onto his bed without hesitation, Iwaki closed his ghastly gray eyes as he laid there motionless, unable to clear his mind from the bloody letter sent to his younger lover.

"It didn't have a return address or a proper name…" he reminded himself, trying to drown the topic from his hazed mind as he turned himself around, laying on his back as he stared up at the dull white ceiling, unable to register just what was it his mind was racing for.

"It was probably fan mail, or from his family." He reassured himself, although it would seem strange if his parents or sister had sent him such an ominously frightening letter. Just touching it caused Iwaki to slightly jolt, was he just being paranoid or was its presence really that strong?

Sitting up from his bed, Iwaki returned downstairs as he stood before the mysterious letter. Hesitantly reaching for the velvet paper, he opened it with trembling hands, finally releasing the sticky glue apart as he was confronted with a dark, raven colored paper. Sliding the message out of its package, Iwaki glanced at the red words that were identical to the color of blood.

Inhaling a deep breath, he continued the action with exhaling, spending a single moment reading the short message until he dropped the pitch black paper onto the floor, backing away as his skin crawled with worry, his breathing now heavy and rugged, as his eyes became unfocused with fear.

"Someone…must be trying to fool us…" Iwaki tried to persuade his shocked mind, cracking a fake smile as he forced hard laughs from his throat. But his actions all fell in vein as his palm hit his well structured forehead, the letter shortly read landing gently on the hard wood floor, opening slightly as the menacing words were seen clearly: **MEET US AT WAREHOUSE 13 NEXT THURSDAY, OR WE'LL TAKE WHAT'S MOST PRECIOUS TO YOU.  
**

Reaching over for his cell phone, Iwaki stopped as he came in between dialing Katou's number, reminding himself that his lover was busy at work. Falling lightly on the floor, he glanced over to the open message, carefully becoming in contact with the death threat as he held it in his hands. The raven haired man brushed his finger tips over the printed words, swallowing hard as he hoped this was all nothing more then a prank to trick the two lovers.

Placing the paper back into its rightful envelope, the shaken man leisurely picked himself up from the floor, causing the mischievous article to land flatly back on the table. Iwaki escaped from the area, walking back upstairs as he ran a bath, hoping the smooth sensation would help calm his agitated nerves.

Stepping out of the silver car owned by his manager, Katou stretched his tired limbs as he inhaled the sweet scent of the midnight fog, the cool air refreshing as he thanked Kaneko-san for his services.

"I'll pick you up at around 5:00 p.m. tomorrow for the photo shoot, so enjoy your morning and early evening." The older man grinned, driving off as Katou hazily opened the gates and door to his house, removing his shoes as he glanced at the dark surroundings.

"Iwaki-san must be in bed now...I'm not surprised since it's late." The blond haired man sighed, walking up stairs as he opened the door to the master bedroom, only to be greeted with the sight of his lover reading his current novel, the bright lamp to the right of him complimenting Iwaki's ghastly eyes as they shone with brilliance, suddenly feeling the blood drain out of his clouded mind once his older lover glanced back at him, a soft smile creeping off his seductive lips.

"So, you're finally home." The raven-haired man spoke gently, bookmarking his book as he closed it lightly, placing it to the desk that rested close to him as he assured his full attention to the dumbstruck man standing on the door step of the bedroom.

Shinning a smile back at Iwaki, who was sitting cozily in his bed, Katou walked towards his other half, unwrapping the covers over him as he planted a soft kiss on his lips, staring at the gray orbs that even made the moons rays jealous of their elegance. "Why aren't you asleep yet? I don't want your health to be affected waiting for me." Katou said in a hushed tone, raking down Iwaki's neck as he undid the top buttons of his pajamas, his eardrums catching the soft moans that escaped from the man under him.

"What's wrong? Did you really want to see me that much?" he asked with a grin plastered on his face, but Iwaki lightly pushed Katou away from him, staring at the closed drawer just below where he placed his book. "Did something happen at work?" Katou asked, staring deeply into his lover's sullen expression. Iwaki reached over and slid the pieces of wood open, hesitantly gripping the envelope whose true meaning was unknown.

Confused at this action, Katou simply watched silently, wondering where this conversation would eventually lead to. "This came for you in the mail." Iwaki spoke suddenly, as he handed the motionless blond the envelope, reaching over as he caressed the exposed side for a moment, swift-fully turning it as he checked the back, noticing something peculiar.

"It's been opened." He noted, as he glanced at Iwaki's cheeks flush red, embarrassed at his action as Katou leaned in and kissed his forehead, assuring him that it was fine.

Opening the message efficiently, he exhaled a deep sigh after a few moments of glancing at the letter, crumpling it in his hand as he tossed it behind him, placing his forehead neatly in his palm as he shook his head slightly at his inconvenience of luck. "Trouble always seems to find us, huh Iwaki-san?" Katou grinned brightly, but the older man in front of him formed his fingers into a fist, exploding into a fit of anger and confusion.

"Katou! This isn't a joke!" he yelled towards the unreadable actor.

"I know, I know." Katou consoled, but it didn't make Iwaki the least bit relieved. "It's a long story, and I can't believe those dumbasses still haven't let it go." He pouted, yet Iwaki remained as motionless as a statue, his face glued together as he opened his now dry mouth to protest, not even able to mutter a simple syllable in the fear that had over whelmed him.

"Tell me what happened." the shaken man finally gasped.

Staring deeply into the repellent gray eyes his lover obtained, Katou inhaled sharply, exhaling a breath as he noticed the color in Iwaki's face vanish suddenly, no longer deciding on delaying his past event.

"This was only a bit after I graduated high school, so apparently my trouble maker personality stuck a bit longer than needed. But don't worry, I didn't do anything too bad, the worst I did was pull a prank on a past teacher everyone hated, and even then ironically my parents still received calls, as if I was just an insignificant Junior there. Anyways, my best friend introduced me to his girlfriend shortly after graduation, and apparently she wanted to get a bit too friendly with me, and in public sight too. Taro got jealous by this, even though he tried to keep it in."

"After about almost five months, that idiot finally cracked after so much restraint, and blamed me for stealing her away. The night after, we decided to go out drinking for a bit, and he became way too wasted to even stay awake. Rumi wanted to get home, so she insisted I walk her there, and apparently I was the most sober of the group, since Taro and the rest of our idiotic friends were out like lights."

"Deciding she wanted to seem cute to impress me, she started running, chanting for me to chase her, even though I warned her to stop since she did have her share of drinks. Unfortunately at that moment, she ran right into a car turning the corner, and died almost immediately that night. It's strange, you hear a lot about people dying from car accidents, that there's really no originality in it anymore." Katou stopped, as he glanced at his shocked lovers expression, caressing his icy hands.

"After Taro found out, he blamed me for being the cause of her death, and hasn't forgiven me since. He declared he'd have revenge, even though I didn't expect him to wait so long." The blond sighed, staring at the blank wall as Iwaki processed all this information into his clouded mind.

"Are you sure this letter is by him?"

"Almost positive. There's nothing that wouldn't conclude it's from him, since he assumes I took what was most precious of him, so he wants to inflict the same pain on me by using you, Iwaki-san."

Why had the devil always seemed to follow them where ever they went? If it wasn't conflicts with the paparazzi about affairs they had never been involved in, then it just had to be life threatening. Unable to answer, thoughts of losing Katou surged through his mind, as he recalled the previous time those emotions has affected him. He has remained in bed under patterned covers for an entire night, simply wasting away as he cried his eyes out, only to later be consoled by his lover. But if this situation were to turn out for the worst, Iwaki would be in that situation, but in absolutely no hopes of seeing his cheery lover again.

Leaning towards the deep in thought actor, Iwaki wrapped his arms around his neck, burrowing his face deeply into his cologne smudged chest, inhaling his scent as he trembled in place, trying to remove that dire thought from his mind.

"What, scared I might die and leave you alone?" Katou asked in a hushed voice, reacting with this sudden show of affection with his arms raking over Iwaki's now frail body, ensuring that all would be fine.

Remaining silent, Iwaki simply answered with him rubbing himself against Katou, trying to add a bit of friction to the air that seemed as heavy as the burden that they were carrying.

"How do you expect me to hold back when you're doing something so lewd~?" Katou purred, biting on the lob of Iwaki's left ear, silently remind the man under him that his love would always remain eternal.

"Hmmmm, Iwaki-san~?" Katou breathed into his lovers red ear, causing shivers to run down his spin as he gripped the sleeves of his shirt tighter, exhaling tough breathes at this thought of foreplay.

"How do you know something like that won't occur? If you're nor careful now, then who knows what will happen!" the raven haired man blurted without a sense of knowledge, regretting those words just moments after they had escaped his lips.

"Iwaki-san, I would_ never_ leave you, not matter what injuries I obtain." He grinned, as Iwaki looked up at his dazzling smile, unable to stop the intense heart beat his chest was expelling.

"Katou…"

"Yes?"

"Take me…"

Simply answering with a smirk of approval, Katou began to leave love marks around Iwaki's pale neck, unbuttoning his night shirt as he inhaled the sweet scent his lover always seemed to give off. "Iwaki-san, you're giving off pheromones, you shouldn't tease so much."

All the older man could reply with was a moan that trailed down the back of his throat, as he felt his lover's kisses rain over him like fire, causing his skin to feel aflame as he pressed himself closer to Katou's grip; his breathing becoming heavier as he felt the blondes slender fingers trail over his hard member, unable to hide the flushed red that covered his cheeks.

He remained quivering underneath the fortress that engulfed him as butterfly kisses landed upon him softly, sending aflame every inch that was visible to Iwaki's blond lover, unable to refrain himself from moaning in the satisfaction only this man could provide him with. "Katou...please..." he whimpered underneath his breath. "I love foreplay but...in me..._now_." his innocent expressions only deepened the meaning of his words, as he wrapped his arms around Katou's neck, inviting him into him as bolts of lightening surged through his veins, all traces of thought vanishing as he was eclipsed by the intense barrage of indulgence.

"I'm coming in, Iwaki-san." Katou warned, as Iwaki simply simply remained vigilant, clenching Katou's shoulder blade as he slide himself into the older man without hesitation. A grunt escaped from the back of Katou's throat, as he entered the aged actor swift fully, listening to the soft sounds that only perked up his arousal.

The movement became rhythmical, as the raven haired man thrived to keep up with the mind bursting speed of the actor before him. "Ka-Katou..._Yess_~!" he screamed out in ecstasy, a bit of salivation trailing down the side of his mouth as his eyes closed tightly shut, inhaling the sweet cologne he would recognize as Katou's sent, as he felt his end drawing near.

"Iwaki-san, Im going to-"

"Me too..."

Giving one last final thrust, the two lovers became blinded as they climaxed in unison, Iwaki collapsing on top of Katou, as they both exhaled rugged breathes of temptation.

"Hey, Katou." Iwaki called out lightly, his face buried into his lover's chest as his skin burned with the delectable incantation Katou trapped him in. Still exhausted from the mind chasing round they had just participated in, Iwaki's mind rested uneasily as he pulled apart from the younger mans embrace.

"What is it?" Katou called back to his raven haired husband.

Hesitating at the thought of his own straight forward reply, Iwaki clenched his fists, his face stern as he looked directly into the golden orbs the blond haired man obtained, as if trying to find unknown answers within them "If you were to leave me alone, in any type of scenario! Whether you have suddenly lost your interest in me, or end up losing your life, I would never forgive you."

Simply staring back, Katou's lips curled in a devious way, sitting back as he inhaled his lungs with the soft air that drifted through the room, as he followed this action by exhaling a breath sharply, once again forcing his eyes ajar as he watched the sullen expression on the man beside him. "I'd never leave you behind Iwaki-san; the only think that would cause me to pass away is if you yourself had somehow, or if you left me."

But Iwaki was not easily satisfied with that answer. Unable to refrain from his skin to tremble, he blankly stared at the letter sent recently, swallowing the fact that what they were dealing with forced him to his wits end.

"We'll never know, will we?" he asked, his voice uneasy with grief.

"What do you mean Iwaki-san?"

"That letter…! I can't get my mind off of it. If what you told me before is true, than that man is truly searching revenge on you; you have to be on your guard every day when you get out! There were too many opportunities where I could have lost you, and I don't want this time to become the final straw!" he nearly shrieked, his voice forced as he swallowed hard, not wanting for the tears that were piercing themselves from his eyes to drain out.

"But not only me, but you yourself too, Iwaki-san." Katou hushed into his ear, wrapping his arms around the slender body his lover obtained as he trailed kisses down his neck and left shoulder.

"What are you getting at?"

"The letter said 'What's most important to me', that means if you yourself aren't so careful, they could snatch you away efficiently Iwaki-san, unless you don't add some elbow grease." He grinned, watching as the raven haired mans expression softened.

Leaning over, he planted a soft kiss onto the younger mans lips, savoring the sweet taste that soaked his senses as he wrapped his arms around Katou's neck, resting once again on his broad chest as he nodded his head gently, understanding completely that this ordeal they would face would leave them covered in wounds that would remain as thorns.

* * *

**Did I over exaggerate the part where Iwaki first read the letter...? I think i did x) Anyways, yes, enjoy this bit of Katou actually being alive xD And a little comment, yes, the incident did occur about 4 days ago. I was debating with myself if i should make it a bit longer, but I guess it falls into piece with everything else that you'll read in chapter 5 :D**

**By the way, sorry if my lemon sucks, but like i said before, I'm only 13, and i kinda hesitated in putting that part in x3 I know it wasn't needed, but i wanted to make the situation a bit more...**_**intense**_**, and that wouldn't have been achieved if I didn't add it xP**

**REVIEW TO KNOW THE READ THE REST OF THE FLASHBACK ;) **


	5. Run

**Here is chapter 5 for my fanfic _Distained_ :D As a short review, this chapter still takes place a few days ago, and so will the next chapter. I encourage you to review! ^^ Feedback is needed for me to continue writing :3**

* * *

_Run_

"Iwaki-san, apparently you're done for the day, so let's get you home; you must be exhausted!" Shimizu grinned, as Iwaki felt the accustomed vibration of his cell phone before he was able to utter a single sound of response to his manager.

Racking into his messenger bag for the small piece of technology, the raven haired man checked the collar ID of the call, a bit unchanged by the name that was planted into his screen.

_Katou…_

"Hello?" Iwaki called out to his lover, as Shimizu watched the successful actor's expression change to to a more neutral state.

"Iwaki-san! Are you done with work yet? I'm outside the building right now, since I decided to come pick you up~" Katou purred, relishing the sweet sound that the raven haired man expelled as he spoke softly.

"Katou, don't you have work? And what if my schedule for tonight was still incomplete; your actions would all have been in vain!" Iwaki scolded. His lover's sudden act did seem a bit foolish…but then again, he wasn't in the spot to say anything from last night's conversation. He could still faintly feel the sore pain muscles that surrounded his thighs and legs.

"Don't worry, I'm done for today, and I called Shimizu earlier for your schedule; so it's fine." He noted carelessly. After all, his mind wasn't being held by someone with incapable thoughts.

Exhaling a sigh, Iwaki continued their conversation. "Alright, I'm on my way down stairs so just wai-" the raven hair actor stopped, cut off from the sentence he was about to complete by the call of the director from the movie he had just recently acted in that very same evening.

"Iwaki-san! Sorry to bother you but I need to talk to you in _private_." The shorter man emphasized, as Iwaki stared blankly at him for a single moment, picking up the digital device he covered his chest with, as he apologized to Katou for the delay.

"Sorry, but the director needs me for a moment; I'll be down in a minute." Iwaki fare welled, as Katou's face turning a bit sour at the emphasis the man on the other end put on _private_. Simply hearing him speak it as if it was far from a formality seemed to boil his blood, but he somehow seemed to refrain from losing his head as he inhaled and exhaled a harsh breath; as if dismissing those unneeded emotions.

"Shimizu-san, you can just wait outside the door since this won't take lo-"

"ACTUALLY, Shimizu-san you can leave now. Iwaki-san and I have much to discuss, and I don't feel very comfortable with someone waiting for us." He directed, causing Iwaki's temper to rise at his act of blunt rudeness.

Pulling on his sleeve to edge the older man closer, Shimizu whispered in his ear softly "Um…Iwaki-san, Katou warned me to not leave your side under any conditions unless you're at home, or obviously by his side. Are you sure I can't stay?" she wondered wearily, apparently not knowing the reason for the blonde's sudden request.

"When did he ask you this?"

"Earlier today, around the morning when you were in your meeting. After all, I can't ignore the fact that you're not only an actor, but also the President for this company." She spoke obediently, as Iwaki exhaled a sigh of disbelief.

"Shimizu-san, go downstairs to where Katou is and say I will be there within a respectable time. And be sure to tell him that I ordered you to. I'll be fine; this discussion won't take any longer than ten minutes, will it?" Iwaki glanced back at the director, who agreed on the time said.

Hesitantly, the older woman shook her head in disapproval, and headed towards the elevator that rested to their right. "Alright Iwaki-san, but don't blame me if Katou gets angry." She warned, proceeding inside the boxed area as the doors opened and closed efficiently, the aged actor glancing at the window that lay just behind him, noticing his blond haired husband standing impatiently at the open area.

"Well then Iwaki-san, shall we begin?" the older man asked, walking ahead as the raven haired actor followed into the room inside the vacant corridor, assuming to himself that nearly everyone had perished from the scene.

"You must be wondering why I rudely pulled you apart from Shimizu-san just as you were about to leave." He paused, opening the steal door as Iwaki stepped foot inside, being directed for it to be closed once again as the old man wrapped his fingers around his own behind his back, taking leisure footsteps as Iwaki simply waited patiently. "I apologize for this action, but I believe we both had to address this topic after work was completed for the day." He spoke; but the gray eyed man simply stared intently, wondering where this conversation would lead to.

"How is your love life?" he abruptly asked, as Iwaki jolted back slightly, nearly unable to answer this subsequent question.

"Pardon?" the raven haired man stammered

"You're love life Iwaki-san. Katou supplies you with the needed affection people crave, correct?" he pondered, glancing back at the confused actor.

"I don't find it very necessary to discuss about my private life." Iwaki answered sharply, wishing to end this unneeded to topic and move onto more substantial business.

The next moment remained silent, the only sound that was being portrayed was the very ringing in Iwaki's ears, raping them with annoyance as he felt a chill run down his spin, as if expecting for something uncommon to occur this night.

"_If this keeps up, Katou won't let me hear the end of this…"_

"I'm sure you can understand that this is about your role."

Wow, shocker. That statement sliced through Iwaki like a blunt needle, wishing to understand just what was it he was lacking in this mans approval.

"Don't get me wrong Iwaki-san. You are applying your role magnificently, but the position you are playing is a character that is drenched in despair, self anguish, where he denies the lover that he cannot live without for no apparent reason. I understand your relationship with Katou supplies you with warmth and compassion, but as an actor, I believe you have the ability to add a bit more angst and desperation into your role."

Glancing back at the actor Director Higurashi lectured, he noticed a satisfied smile form across Iwaki's well built expression, unaware that the man was hurt slightly by these words. "Thank you Director, is that all you wished to discuss with me?"

Brown dark eyes met ghastly gray ones, as the older man exhaled a rugged breath.

"Yes, I'm sorry to keep you. I'll see you tomorrow Iwaki-san, and please get some rest. Today when I saw you I thought you were my ex wife out to get me." He chuckled warmly, as the raven haired man spoke a fair goodbye to the older man, stepping towards the elevator that was his destination, as he glanced out the window of the building, catching a look at Katou chatting with Shimizu.

"_What a complete waste of time…" _Iwaki said to himself, reaching his awaited destination once again. He sneaked a glance afresh at the window not to far from him, noticing Katou chat with Shimizu as an act to force his time to fly. A grimace formed upon the older mans face at the excessive addition till their reunion. Reaching out to press gently on the metal elevator, Iwaki's train of thought was interrupted when-

"Excuse me!" called out a young crew member, as Iwaki cursed to himself in his mind, forcing a façade to form perfectly as he turned to face the cute faced man, his eyes mesmerizingly emerald green as he tried to catch his breath. "Hi! I'm Nao, you're Iwaki-san right?"

It wasn't strange he knew his name, but somehow the air around them seemed a bit more chilled than usual, as he felt the same cold sensation run down his spine while the black hairs on the back of Iwaki's neck stood on end. What was going on?

"Yes I am, nice to meet you Nao." Iwaki grinned, holding out his hand for a shake, which the young worker eagerly accepted.

"_A fan probably?" _

I'm sorry to bother you Iwaki-san! But you're working in the movie _Last Night _with Director Higurashi, correct?" his eyes shone with a hint of innocence, yet Iwaki couldn't seem to fully trust those eyes…

"Yes, that information is valid."

"Then can you help me quickly please!" he begged, as Iwaki simply stared back at Nao, as if he expected him to cave into the younger mans demands.

"With what?"

"I'm officially a part of the crew, so firstly I would like to apologize for not coming earlier! Due to family problems, I had to miss out in over half of the shooting, so, I'M SORRY!" he nearly shrieked, which caught the confused actor man off guard.

"No need to grovel over such incidents, the fact your still full heartedly wishing to pursue in adding a hand, is enough. Now what was it you were in dire need for?" he grinned, hoping this errand wouldn't last too long. After all, Iwaki did have a time limit of how much he would test Katou's patience.

"Can you help me with the equipment? I understand you're the actor of the movie, but can you help me take notes in just a few things that are on set? For instance, the movie itself is one. Another can be on what scene you are all currently participating in, and the background file in the rest of the participants here. I want to study this by tomorrow so I don't inconvenience anyone."

_Dammit…_

"Is Director Higurashi no longer there? I had just spoken to him not even a minute ago." Iwaki explained, hoping to find an exit to escape from this conversation.

"I didn't see him, but the doors are opened to the studio." He spoke gently, as if partly in a devious way? "Please Iwaki-san? I would really appreciate it!"

Unable to turn away the young member, Iwaki shone a radiant smile, confirming that he would help Nao in his mission.

"Yes! Thank you Iwaki-san~!" he purred, frantically finding a way to grab his pocket sized notebook and pencil, as he led the way to the older mans new destination.

"So, let's continue." He grinned, as Iwaki followed the action by opening the doors, wondering what had just happened to the director.

"Alright, today we had just finished filming the section of the movie where John "dies" by the hands of Akihito. John is the character in the movie who visits Japan in search of the young man he had met during his previous visit. " Iwaki began, as they reached the front of the set, Nao taking down notes as quickly as his hand could write.

"Just to make sure, this movie is one with homosexuality, right?" he confirmed, glancing back at Iwaki.

"Yes, but no scenes are added. The story line mostly consists of a love that can never be completely fulfilled. Due to Akihito's stubborn attitude, he rejects John with all his might, even if he is truly the man he wishes to spend his life with."

The next moment remained as soft as a mouse searching for scraps. "Was Katou OK with you performing in this movie? You know, what with you supposedly having a relationship with someone other than him." He asked, his glare mind breaking as Iwaki could feel time reverse itself, as if the air in the room vanished an Iwaki could only stare back at the younger man.

"Due to his own stubbornness, I had to strive in order to accept this role, but this isn't what we're talking about. The staff members consist of Soto Hiro being John and I pla-"

"How do you know we aren't talking about Katou?" he interrupted, as Iwaki could feel a headache begin to form at the crew member's boldness.

"Excuse me?"

"I mean, since you and Katou are _so_ in love and want to be together _forever_, wouldn't it be _wrong_ to _not_ talk about it~?" he asked in a sly voice, his lips curling in a sinister way as Nao chuckled at the surprised man, as if trying to insult him.

"Iwaki-san, can I ask you something?" he asked, but the raven haired man couldn't even mutter a letter as a response. "If someone wanted to steal Katou away from you, what would you so? And I don't mean the, _he's yours but I want him to be mine_ type up steal, but the_ goodbye forever_ steal?"

Swallowing hard, Iwaki tried to keep his composure, although his actions seemed to be failing drastically. "Nao, what are you talking about?" he demanded, but another sly grin escaped from his lips, as Iwaki heard unfamiliar footsteps echo upon the floor behind him.

"You should have followed your instincts and left me alone~"

The footsteps rang louder, and many more seemed to be added. Waiting for a moment, Iwaki paused until the correct second to swing his elbow to the side eclipsed him, clashing into a man just about his height as he glared at him, noticing several others begin to loom over the shadows.

"How dirty!" The man screamed, clutching his nose as a grin escaped his lips, a sadistic aura emerging upon him and the others.

Using as many quick attacks Iwaki could, he punched with all his might the man to his left, kicked the other who was a few feet from his right, and dashed through the doors of the studio.

"Looks like actors aren't completely powerless." They all laughed in a mimicking way, until he reached past the doors, hurdling to the left of the elevator where the stairs rested.

"_Fuck! I knew something was going wrong, I knew it!"_ he shrieked in his head, until he felt a large hand grip his shoulder, sending him flying across the opposite direction of his exit.

"Wow, Katou really picked a hottie to stay with!" the man he punched across the jaw smiled, crouching down to the raven haired man who rested on the floor, as Iwaki's eyes burned with fury. "For a guy, you're not bad. You almost exude as much sex appeal as a woman!"

Placing his right leg to the mans face, Iwaki picked himself up from the floor, breathing heavily.

"Do you honestly think you can escape from this? This is a single lamb versus a pack of wolves." He paused, as the raven haired man counted the men centering him. Three were visible, but there was obviously more if back up was needed. "Are you really going to try to run?"

Staring intently at them, Iwaki spoke without a hint of hesitation "I'll die trying if I have to." He knew why they were here; he knew that if he didn't escape and get to where Katou was _fast_, the consequences would be dire.

Fighting with the material he had learned in the movie he was previous in, Iwaki was able to make it through for a bit, until-

"Now now, you all shouldn't toy with him; since he actually wants to get out of here." A cold voice ran through the air, as Iwaki could feel the roots of his hair depart from his scalp, the grip of the men over him on this brown haired man too powerful to be set free from.

"Hmm…" he hummed, dragging Iwaki's head closer to his, as he took a long glance at the beautiful structure that made the actors face. "So, _this_ is Iwaki. I must say, Katou has good taste. And it was really sweet to see you fighting a battle you knew you would lose." he gave out a slight chuckle. "But still you kept such determination, not bad for an _actor_. " he spat out, as Iwaki snarled at the mans sarcasm.

"Taro…"

His eyes opened wide at the fact of the raven haired man knew his name, a sneer coming across his face. "Oh my, it seems that Katou has already told you the story. Lucky me, then that means I won't have to take the time to explain it to you."

"There would be nothing to explain anyways. You pinned the blame on someone else for the actions of your ex girlfriend, let it go!" Iwaki nearly screamed, until he was thrown onto the ground he had firstly started at, being glared at ominously by Taro, as Iwaki tried to force his way out.

"Still too feisty, are we? And I thought we could take you home nice and easily. Oh well, you asked for it." the hysterical man shrugged, taking out a stainless white clothe from his pocket. "Keep him still."

Struggling with all his might, Iwaki inhaled the cold aroma of the mysterious drug, as he took one last long look out the window, noticing an impatient Katou stand peevishly for his lover. Stretching out his arm, his consciousness was being lost as his fingers trailed across the glass of that very window, until the vision of his beloved was nothing more than a faint memory. The lights were no longer valid, and all Iwaki-san could see was the harsh darkness his mind provided him with, collapsing on the man behind him as all movement vanished.

_Katou…_

As he took a last look into reality, he could feel the pins of disappointment pierce through his skin.

_Katou!_

* * *

**Uh oh~ :3 Poor Iwaki-san! KATOU, hurry and get your Iwaki-san back~! Oh my oh my, anyone enjoy this cliffhanger? ;) Hehehe, I'm getting giggly from typing this all out xD**

**REVIEW TO HELP KATOU RESCUE IWAKI-SAN!**


	6. Sacrifice

**Here it is ;D Oh my, I had a lot of fun writing this chapter :D Just with the fact that Iwaki-san will- **

**Well, I can't ruin anything, now can I~?**

* * *

_Sacrifice_

_Katou! _

As if a shock of lightening trailing down Katou's spine, a cold gust of wind had only deepened the impact that had just eclipsed him. _"Iwaki-san?" _he spoke his lovers name within his confused mind, unable to comprehend what was it that had struck him. He could of sworn he heard the faint cry of his beloved scream out his name in angst, yet...that all seemed to hard to believe.

As if a boulder slaughtering its victim underneath, Katou could connect the dotes. "_Shit, they wouldn't take any action so soon! Would they...?" _He could feel the veins in his head throb at this realization, but he had to remain calm. _"Dammit, Iwaki-san, it wasn't just me, was it?"_ he assured himself, hoping to God that Iwaki wasn't caught in-between the cross fire of a past event that happened to Katou himself.

Katou remained restless at the awaken of his mind, as he asked Shimizu in a stern voice "The director isn't interested in Iwaki-san, is he?"

She remained speechless for a moment, only staring into the amber orbs the determined actor possessed. "N-No, I highly doubt something as invalid as that. But why do you ask? You shouldn't be so concerned, Iwaki-san will be out soon" she spoke in a staggering tone, trying to crack a smile to lighten the atmosphere.

"Alone; he wanted to talk to Iwaki-san in private, without even his manager to listen. Don't you find that's the least bit _strange_? After all, Iwaki-san is not only an actor but the President, why else would he want to speak to him face to face in a room where no one else was?"

This wasn't going anywhere…Asking questions that could be answered with only silence was useless. Gritting his teeth savagely, Katou dashed inside, only to hear the cries of a strucken Shimizu jolt from his sudden acts. "Katou! Where are you going!"

He couldn't control himself! His anger felt as if it was rising, and the only thing that would control his now distraught mind was the sight of his beloved Iwaki-san, safe, and in his arms.

He ran up the stairs of the building in a hurry, heaving as his determination won over his own body's wariness. _"Please! Please tell me you're safe Iwaki-san!"_

Reaching his destination shortly, Katou was confronted with a sight that paralyzed his nerves.

"There's no one here…"

.

.

.

"Dammit! Answer Iwaki-san!" Katou cursed out, throwing his cell phone to the bed in front of him, as he shut his eyes in anger. It was already past midnight, about four hours after his shift had finished, and his calls would only be immediately directed to voice mail.

He couldn't take it, it was as if his intestines were tied up in endless knots, unable to anguish this feeling of despair and worry.

There was only one more solution…

Katou couldn't believe he still kept it after all those years, but somehow the small wrinkled piece of paper obtaining seven digits remained in Katou's care. Who ever knew it would come in handy, but this was a gamble. Diligently, he walked towards the space between the closet that was normally vacant, grabbing the wooden box that kept this useful information as he opened it softly, his eyes gazing upon his Saviour as the sight left him a shred of hope left

There were only two options now, and it was either one of the other in this situation. The number would either be deactivated, or he would be able to find out the location of Iwaki-san. Giving out an exasperated gasp, Katou's hesitantly reached out for his discarded phone, his thumb dancing upon the keyboard as he completed the number, and pressed the final button to reach his number.

After only a single ring retrieved through the cable, Katou could feel his heart stop on impact.

"_A-Ah! P-Please...Stop!" _Iwaki panted into the phone line, his strong moans echoing into Katou's now vacant mind as he remained motionless at the seat of the bed, unable to comprehend to his mind what was going on.

"Iwaki-san! Are you there? Answer me!" the frantic lover demanded, but all her could hear was Iwaki's hoarse voice sounding fainter.

"Oh my, It's about time you called me, I was wondering if you really cared about you're _dearest_ Iwaki-san. " The all too familiar voice spoke into his phone, a mocking smile creeping upon Taro's face as he trailed the piece of technology closer to Iwaki's lips, forcing Katou to listen to the raven haired man's involuntary moans.

"You fuckin bastard..." Katou cursed underneath murderous eyes. "What the hell are you doing to Iwaki-san!" Katou shrieked to the top of his lungs, standing on his own two feet as he clenched his Motorola, to the point where he thought the pieces of metal would cave into each other in a matter of seconds.

"You shouldn't be so outraged; the sound of your voice seemed to arouse _him_ just now. But you should be careful, _he_ isn't exactly in a state where he would want you to see him in, right _Iwaki-san?_" Taro grinned maliciously, as Iwaki bit down on his bottom lip until it began to bleed slightly, trying to swallow his cries. "Oh my, it seems like someone isn't being very obedient right now~"

Turning on the switch of the vibrator inside Iwaki-san, Taro turned the settings to the highest it could obtain; only forcing the weak actor to groan unwillingly, as Katou could only listen with his hair on end, unable to move a muscle as he listened to the ear piercing cries of his lover.

"Oh my! You came already? That's not very fair, you've barely had this one in you." Iwaki's pants began ringing in Katou's ears, as he kicked the wall in front of him, his eyes filled with the sense of murder and an anger that could not be easily satiated.

"**Where are you?" **he spoke in a venomous tone, demanding an answer.

"Now now, don't be so cocky. What are you going to do, walk right into the lions den for a comrade who's already been counted as _food_? Use your head a bit more, you should understand that if you come here, it'll be the equivalence of suicide." He warned, as Iwaki stared concerned at the source of Katou's voice, _knowing _that this wouldn't end well.

"I don't care! I'm bringing Iwaki-san back home, even if it _kills_ me!"

The next few moments remained silent, as if a moonless night without a sense of life in a secluded area. "Remember those words, Katou Youji..."

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**Sorry if this chapter is a bit short! I still hope you all enjoyed it! :D  
**

**Chapter seven will really be something to look forward to, trust me!**

**And also, please review~! Don't just read in silence, it would really help me continue this story to have a bit more feedback :D**

**REVIEW TO KEEP KATOU AND IWAKI-SAN SAFE! **


	7. Yesterday is the New Tomorrow II

**And now the real drama starts :) Hehehe, enjoy chapter 7 of Distained by the one and only MiracleMoon124 :D **

**Sorry this was updated a day late, the computer was being evil to me again.**

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_Yesterday is the New Tomorrow II_

What was a man to do? Katou couldn't just barge into the secluded area, simply demanding for his Iwaki-san back. He wasn't born yesterday, if Taro _really_ wanted to seek revenge on him for _killing_ his lover, the worst would have to be accepted. First of all, how many men were there? Would their weapons be hidden or in visible sight? What where they doing to Iwaki-san?

His mind rained endless questions that he could only swat away, for he remembered every pitch Iwaki reached when he moaned out into the phone line. _"Dammit…" _Katou would occasionally curse to himself. He was standing outside of the area for almost half an hour, scanning the perimeter in hopes of finding a proper entrance without being noticed.

"_This place is air tight!"_

"Ugh! Dammit Taro, this is irritating." Katou heard a man about his age curse to the sky, stretching his muscles leisurely as the tall dark haired man simply inhaled the bitter aroma his lit cigarette expelled.

"Don't worry, as soon as Katou gets here you'll have your turn." He assured them, which caused the hidden actors veins to throb in anger.

"_Oh, **FUCK NO**." _Katou cursed in his mind, listening back to their conversation.

"Did everyone get out already now?" a man that looked a few years younger asked, scratching the back of his head as he filled his lungs with the fresh air that surrounded them.

"Yeah, the only one left inside is Iwaki; everyone was sick of staying in that goddamn warehouse for too long."

"_Everyone?" _Taro emphasized, raising an eyebrow at his fellow workers.

"Yeah, every thing's fine. Call us when Katou gets here, I want to enjoy the stars tonight." Kazu grinned, as the man beside him followed him towards the dark buildings. Taro limply leaned against the steel walls inhaling his cigarette smoke, shutting his eyes closed softly as Katou watched him in pure fury.

"I don't even smoke." He spat out to himself, discarding the bland cigarette as he stomped it into the ground, substituting his hands by placing them in his denim jean pockets.

Moving swiftly, Katou remained in complete darkness as he found the once heavily guarded area, hoping to god he could get out of here soon with his dearly beloved. _"Iwaki-san, just wait a little longer!" _

He shortly met the back entrance in the hazardous area, only for a look of disappointment to wash over him once he found out his only way in was locked. "I'm just saying, if Nami Yamada is really such a great singer, she would have been acknowledged for that at least once."

Jolting back, Katou once again hid behind the emerald green leaves, noticing two men walk towards his hidden spot. _"I only get once chance..."_

"Yeah, besides, once she made her debut it wasn't exac-" the dark haired man stopped, falling backwards as he gave out a small yelp, squirming as Katou thrived to hit his pressure points that laid on his neck, finally settling down as he was reduced to nothing more than an unconscious man.

"Hey Roy, what the hell ha-"collapsing to the ground, the hazel eyed man glanced up at Katou, his right cheek throbbing from the punch the actor plastered onto his face. "Hmph, your later than I thought." He grinned playfully, as Katou lunged at him, determined to keep the malicious man silent as he rescued his lover.

Those past few seconds felt endless, until Katou was able to reach his awaited goal by performing the same act to the second man. Yet, his mind felt unrest. It all seemed easy, _too_ easy. He shook his head in agitation, as he grabbed the keys that his eyes hand landed upon earlier, and slowly opened the entrance of the barrier that kept him from the raven haired man he adored.

The lights inside remained on, yet his vision was blocked by the several tons of boxes piled up endlessly, almost reaching the second level of the warehouse as he closed the door behind him gently, planting the key used inside his pocket as he remained motionless for a moment or two, hearing faint pants as he waited for the sound of any one else to be heard.

Nothing.

Moving quickly, Katou's eyes shot open as his heart sunk to the bottom of hit stomach, racing over to his exhausted lover. "Iwaki-san!" he cried on in a hushed tone, crouching by his sides as he barely opened his unfocused eyes, his skin shivering as he teeth remained gritted, unable for Iwaki to look into Katous amber eyes.

"Ka-Katou…" he exhaled, his breathing unsteady as they came out hard.

"Iwaki-san, I'm getting you out of here."

Taking hold of the older mans quivering arms, Iwaki rejected his touch as he bit his lower lip, opening his mouth slightly, as if meaning to say something. But nothing came out, not even the slightest croak as he tried covering his nearly bare body. The only thing that remained on his burning flesh was the tattered shirt he obtained, it's buttons all mostly gone, as it was drenched in perpetrated sweat.

"R-Run…leave…" the raven haired man croaked, as Katou stared at him with soft, broken eyes. His wrists and ankles were now colored red by the irritation of the ropes used to tie them together, as Katou glanced at the thick vibrator trapped inside of him, wondering how long they have left him suffering like this.

"Iwaki-san, let's go, I'm not leaving without you." His voice was stern with a hint of concern, but again Iwaki rejected his hands from lingering on his body, which only seemed to confuse the blond further.

"Tra…" Iwaki croaked, this was just too much for one moment to take.

"Katou, it's a trap!" he nearly shrieked, tears flowing from his forsaken eyes, but before the younger actor could react, it was far too late.

"Bullet proof, wasn't it? My plan that is." Taro grinned, as the dark haired man beside him agreed, nearly unable to understand how capable this man was at analyzing these situations.

"Right down to the last second, it's pretty frightening." the chilled man spoke in a smooth tone to the relaxed man beside him, tightening Katou's ropes as he sat on the floor, chained as he sneered at the several men looming over him.

"Taro, this is business between _you_ and _me_, Iwaki-san has _nothing_ to do with this, and neither do your henchmen." He spat out, shit…he was in his own grave! And worse, he was even creating Iwaki's too. He couldn't bare watch the steadfast man he adored being ashamed or humiliated. He had to act fast, but getting out of this god abandoned place, was going to be a lot harder than coming in. And the truthful fact was, he was set up. From the anticipated arrival, to them predicting he would choose the back door, and knock out the closest people who would strangely pass by in those seconds.

Dammit it was an idiotic choice, it all seemed too easy, and now he was fucked.

"But I must admit though, Katou, it's about time you got here. Everyone here was tired of waiting, and we possibly couldn't start the _show_ without an audience." He grinned maliciously, as chills ran down Katou's now sweat drenched back. This wasn't going to go well…

The smug man walked towards a helpless Iwaki, gazing into his gray eyes that shone with murder and hatred, taking pride in the work he had effortlessly done. "Alright Iwaki-san, _you _choose." He began, reaching for the vibrating contraction that lay inside of him, as he pulled it out rapidly, watching with delight as the actors face cringed in response, moaning from the back of his throat at the sudden action.

Tilting his head upwards with index finger "Iwaki-san, would you allow someone else to violate you in front of Katou's eyes?" he smirked, knowing fully well how the raven haired man would respond.

"What are you, high?" the annoyed man sneered.

Gray met with bronze, as the two stared deeply into each others eyes endless, until Taro once again landed upon his feet, his hands in his pocket as he hummed questionably, walking in circles of the imprisoned dark haired actor, as Katou watched from afar, feeling a drop of sweat slide down the side of his temple.

"Hmmm, this is going to be a real problem then." He sighed, closing his eyes playfully as the young President gritted his teeth, wishing his ropes were even the least bit loose.

"How so?" Iwaki nearly spat out.

The last step Taro made echoed through Iwaki's ear drums, as the triumphant man stared into the opposite direction of his captured play mate.

"You see Iwaki-san, Katou's like depends _entirely_ on the next decision you make." Smiling as he spoke that sentence with pride.

He could feel the blood drain out of his head, as Iwaki swallowed hard, trying his best not to gasp out a reply. "Where are you getting at?"

The air remained solid, not a sound lingering upon the atmosphere as the pressure of that moment buried into the actors shoulders like a mountain of bricks, crushing all aspects of life within him. "You have two options…" he started.

"Compensate with your body, which will ensure Katou's life as saved, or deny my offer and watch him be killed before your very eyes."

His bottom lip began to bleed a dark, crimson red as his eyes remained forceful and unchanged. "How do I know you won't simply go against your word and kill Katou the second your done with me?" he shot back, but dammit, this was a war Iwaki _knew _he was going to lose…

Taro simply shrugged as response. "Suit yourself Iwaki-san, and this entire time I believed you loved Katou more than your very life." He whistled, walking towards Katou with short, paced steps as he stood before him, glaring down at the pissed off blonde.

"Go ahead, kill me. I'd rather die now than watch you soil Iwaki-san!" he spoke, his tongue spiteful as he braced himself, Taro pulling out the all too familiar weapon from his right sided pants pocket, he aimed the fully loaded revolver to Katou's head. Iwaki's eyes shot open while his heart flooded with iron, as the haunting bronze eyes Taro possessed turned back to the now mentally weak man behind him.

"Choose Iwaki-san. Compensate, or watch Katou's brains splatter upon this very floor." His eyes looked merciless; the powerless man knew that he wasn't in the position to fiddle with a answer that was meant to be already answered. Holy shit, he was really going to do it! His index finger on the trigger moved inwards slowly, as the raven haired man felt his throat going dry, reminding himself that time was scarce in this situation.

"For how long do I have to endure?" he spoke, ashamed as Katou's expression changed from being poise, to utterly shocked.

"Iwaki-san? NO!"

"You only have to do it with everyone here, and there are only about 13 men, including myself. This is a simple exchange for keeping Katou alive, right?"

That wasn't the problem, he had nothing against having other men contaminate his body if it were ensure Katuo's safety, but in the process of saving his lover, he knew fully well that this would also he hurting him from the inside. He understood the jealousy the blond obtained, but no matter how far this wound would scar, it was far better than death.

"Ok."

" 'Ok' what?" Taro retaliated, as Iwaki cringed his fingers into each other, unable to look up from the floor he was resting on.

"Ok, I'll do it. Do whatever you want with me, as long as Katou and I return back home after all of this _unharmed_."

"Iwaki-san, stop!" Katou tried to persuade, but again, it was too late. His beloved had made his decision, and _nothing_ done to him would change his mind.

Thinking deeply, Taro returned the gun to his pocket, walking towards the determined actor as he gazed into his eyes once again, his voice turning sincere and gentle. "Sorry Iwaki-san, but there's not guarantee that _you_ will return home 'unharmed'"

He then fell to a trap of bitter laughter, motioning for the first batch to entertain themselves. "And, a little rule meant to be remembered. Iwaki-san, if you or Katou try anything to escape _before_ you're done paying your oath, then Katou's life is as good as gone." He mentioned, but still the actor's eyes remained unchanged.

"I understand." He answered obediently, his yes floating astray from the other mans, as a playful smile landed effortlessly onto his well structured face.

"Alright then, _let's begin_."

* * *

**QUEUE DRAMATIC MUSIC! **

**Oh Iwaki-san, love shall prevail all~! **

**But in this fanfic...will it really?  
**

**REVIEW FOR THIS LONG FLASHBACK TO END SOON!**


	8. Turn Away from the Truth

**Hmmm, lately I haven't really been updating on time anymore. Gotta apologize for that, but lately as soon as I get home I just stay on Facebook or check out my Youtube stuff and start my hw x)**

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_Turn Away from the Truth_

It was too much, far too much. Iwaki's involuntary moans were raping Katou's ears, that he could barely look up from the cracks of the floor below him. "Katou, look alive!" Taro grinned, hanging his arm around his shoulders. "You have the front seat of this, watch!" he encouraged, but the defeated man could only stare back at his enemy.

"Brilliant..." He exhaled, his voice barely audible from the sounds that echoed in the background.

"For?"

"_Everything_. You wouldn't kill me, but you'd do something that would be even _worse_ than that." He looked away, glancing at the sight before him as they burned his eyes with jealousy and pain, biting his lower lip in frustration. "You cause one of the most bold people I know to become so helpless, and that same person, who is my lover, to invite someone else inside him…And if we didn't agree to your terms, you would threaten to kill me, the man Iwaki cannot live without..." he spoke in a defeated tone, his eyes itchy and his skin crawling. "Ingenious…"

"Katou! You lucky bastard, I never knew a _man_ could feel this great! I can't believe you've been able to taste Iwaki-san any time you wanted, damn am I jealous!" the preoccupied man yelled out to the damaged blond, giving out one last final thrust as he climaxed without hesitation into Iwaki's now soiled entrance, the poor actor exhausted as his chest rose and lowered in a continuous motion.

"Four down, nine to go, Iwaki-san!"

And yet, still Katou felt triumphant. Not a shred of enjoyment was expressed in his lover's expressions, since he simply held out until one man finished, and a newer one began. So far, _no one_ had been granted the opportunity to see the delectable faces of the raven haired beauty when he felt true pleasure. That gratification had been entitled only to him, and even though all of this pierced him like rusted knives, this was the one thing that kept him from going berserk.

Suddenly, gray met amber, as the couple's eyes encountered in a fiery collision. Iwaki's eyes expressed a sense of embarrassment, sorrow, and fatigue. There, on the seductively soft pursed lips the raven haired man obtained, motioned _I'm Sorry_ to the young blond, before being stolen away by the forceful man dominating him, unable to grow comfort by the excessive force that was being used, as shots of pain rained through Iwaki's muscles, feeling a trickle of blood slide down the corners of his entrance.

"_So am I Iwaki-san, so am I…" _

.

.

.

Four turned to six, and six shortly to ten rounds as Iwaki nearly lost the ability to breathe. His body ached at the past activities he performed in, switching to angels he couldn't believe could actually be met. His skin was covered in love marks that had only disgusted him, as Taro rose from his seat next to Katou, motioning everyone to go outside.

"Alright everyone, let's give Iwaki-san a breather. We'll leave him and Katou alone for a few moments so that they can socialize." He called out, as the many men listened obediently, smug smiles plastered upon their faces as they continued their conversations about the poor actor.

He couldn't even stand now. His legs only caved into each other when he tried to pick himself up, and his arms felt like nothing more than twigs trying to move a solid wall. Iwaki's mind was engulfed in chaos, he could barely thing clearly from the weariness he was forced into. "Only three more…" he barely muttered, and yet Katou was able to comprehend his rundown words.

The younger man couldn't take this…the man he adored had nothing to do with this, yet he had to sacrifice himself! Katou could barely look at the motionless man in front him, his mouth going dry as he called out Iwaki's name.

"Iwaki-san...I have to get you out of here."

The pulsated man could only shiver as a response, while the words Taro spoke to him echoed all the way from his ears to the organ of his heart. He remained silent, as he heard the sounds of Katou coming closer to him, so near that he could feel the heat from his body.

"Iwaki-sa-"

"Don't come near me…" the raven haired man warned, cringing up into a ball. "Don't you see? I'm dirty, putrid, you watched me get tarnished!" he shrieked, trying to conceal his hot tears. This was too much, but it wasn't over yet. Until the last man having him was done, could Iwaki ensure himself if the mans words were true or not.

"Don't you see, Iwaki-san, it doesn't matter if their done with you or not, you can't honestly believe that they'd let me go so easily. Just like an eye for an eye, Taro's going to take my life because I some how took Rumi's." he paused, as Iwaki softly shut his eyes, scared to admit to himself that this actually was the reality they were forced to confront. It didn't help with the fact that if they tried any attempts of escape, and get caught, it would have the same ending.

This hollowness inside of him could not be compared with the incident caused by Miyasaka nearly a year ago. Yes, he was defenseless, but the outcome of this problem and the other would be far too drastically different. Death was being compared, and for once in Iwaki's life, he had never felt so…_useless_.

He opened his mouth in protest, but his lips quivered in fear and agitation at this entire situation. It seemed so unreal, that he could barely swallow this fact. Iwaki couldn't suppress from his skin trembling in dire fear, lingering as he buried his fingers into a fist, afraid of the harsh truth that had eclipsed his mind with pure despair.

"_Katou…I'm scared!" _Iwaki admitted to himself, yet he was unable to speak his thoughts freely. Instead, he shook away his fear and directed a question. "What are we going to do then?"

"Get you outta here! What else?"

"You'll be shot at."

"I don't care."

"It's murder!"

"My life doesn't matter, only yours does to me."

"**DON'T BE SUCH AN IDIOT**." the shattered man growled. "Do you believe that if you were to die tonight, that I would be able to simply toss such a dynamic topic aside? You can't possibly think that, if you had than I feel in love with a complete idiot!"

He was being harsh, but his throat was flamed with worry. Their eyes had not met a single time during their conversation, yet they could feel each other's every move without even being in physical contact "If I'm an idiot, so be it. As long as I'm _your _idiot, it wouldn't matter."

Cheesy, yet those words seemed to soften Iwaki's tightly clenched chest. Dammit…that regular lump had once again formed in his throat as the blond edged in towards him, the raven haired man unable to move at his shaken attitude. Resting his head lightly on his lovers, Katou kissed his right cheek softly, whispering "Please, trust me. I have a plan."

Iwaki's eyes were now hollow, as he thought to himself _"So do I…" _

* * *

**Gotta admit that I know the title of this chapter SUCKED, but my brains fried from doing Social Studies notes, learning about the Moon and its damn craters, and running around in the Sun like some idiot for the past two hours -_-" **

**So bear with me! These next few chapters really will be something ;) **

**Oh damn, gotta start writing now, since this seriously is the last part I've written . Just wanna finish this flashback already though, it's gettin on my nerves xP**

**Anyways...**

**REVIEW TO FIND OUT IWAKI'S PLAN!**


	9. Last Ordeal

**It's 1:00 AM, and sure, it's not that late for some people (like me) on a weekend, but right now I'm ready to pull the plug on the computer T_T **

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_Last Ordeal_

"_One more fuckin person…"_ Katou cursed in his mind. He could feel his fingers wrap into the form of a fist as he stared at the raven haired actor, his eyes burning from the sight before him. His skin trembled with frustration as he turned away from the man climaxing into Iwaki's soiled face, the 30 year old man disgusted at this shameful act.

"Almost time to go home, Katou." Taro grinned, as he picked himself up from the side of the infuriated blonde, to his sore playmate.

Taking out a stainless white cloth, the brown haired man used it to clean away the remains from the gray eyed mans expression. "Really Hiro, so messy." He sighed, as Iwaki looked at him with cold, piercing eyes, rejecting the action of wishing to assault the man. Instead, he simply bit down on his already cut lip, unable to face his lover as a sense of destruction paralyzed him.

"Happy you're almost done? I'm the last one you have to deal with."

Iwaki remained silent, as Taro discarded the used tissue and leaned towards his prey, stopping at nose distance as they intensely stared into each other.

"What are you waiting for?" he spoke in a menacing tone.

With his eyes shut closed, Iwaki swallowed the accustomed sensation of his mouth being violated, reminding himself that this was his last ordeal. Feeling an unknown object slide down his throat, Iwaki pushed Taro away from the kiss, trying to cough back up the strange object.

"What the hell was that?" he nearly shrieked, as he wrapped his fingers around his neck, unable to bring the foreign object back to surface of his chamber.

Taro casually sat there with a smug grimace plastered onto his face. "You'll see, besides, it doesn't matter _what_ it was, you would have to deal with it anyways."

He had enough; enough of foreign hands forming goosebumps on his flesh, and enough of the very fact that he was being taken by men other than Katou. The _last_ thing he wanted was to be played around by _him_.

"Just get this over with; I'm in no mood for anymore games."

Taro gazed deeply once again at the actor. Dammit, would he stop with the staring? "You're an actor aren't you? Then fake it all if you have to, but I won't let you two leave without being satisfied."

**UGH! **Iwaki could feel his very teeth crack by the pressure he was weighing on them. Somebody kill him now...

"Besides, you shouldn't cry so much, you'll end up enjoying this all_ very_ soon."

The raven haired man sneered at this thought. "What the fuck am I going to enjo-" he stopped, the oxygen escaping from his body as he began to quiver, his breathing becoming heavier as Iwaki embraced himself.

"See?" he could feel the recurring Cheshire cat smile being directed to him.

What was going on...?

The temperature in his body began to rise at a rapid speed, as his cheeks became flushed red.

Eclipsed by the man in front of him, the hot cavern of his mouth was being assaulted by Taro's tongue, while Iwaki tried his best to fight off the effort of melting in the kiss.

"I made sure to give you an extra strong pill, since I know you're quite persistent." his vision became unfocused while his skin burned from the kisses being planted upon his already marked body. He shivered in anticipation, while the actor tried to surpass these feelings.

"_You're an actor, aren't you? Don't let this get to you!"_ he screamed in his head. _"STOP!" _

"Just think of me when you're with Katou." Taro whispered alluringly. "The way he embraces you, how he calls out your name, simply replace me for him." The younger man spoke in an intoxicating tone.

Hesitantly wrapping his trembling arms around Taro's neck, Iwaki seductively moaned as he felt desired hands wrap around his hard member, forcing friction to be made while he shook his head from side to side.

"It feels good, doesn't it?"

"_No!" _Iwaki wanted to yell to the heavens, yet he was unable to form any words as the drug continued to circle through his veins.

"Iwaki-san, you can't come until I tell you to, or else Katou loses a finger." Taro hushed into the flustered mans ear as he lifted him from his covered position, exposing him to Katou's sight; giving him a front row seat.

"What are you-" he tried to say, his voice staggering as he groaned out ecstasy. His eyes bolted open as they fluttered closed moments later, unable to hide the lust that oozed out from his body.

"_No! __**NO!**__"_

The penetration consumed Iwaki in blissful disappointment, as the thrusts became harder and deeper than the lasts.

"Oh my Iwaki-san, is this how Katou treats you each night? Since you seem to be enjoying it very much." He chuckled into his ear, as the empty-headed man could only swallow his wails.

"You better moan Iwaki-san, I want to hear it." a pinch of darkness aired within those words, as he obediently answered.

Opening his eyes softly, jagged needles showered Iwaki's body as he glanced at Katou's expression for a nano second, noting his golden eyes shine with complete loss.

"Are you watching intently enough, Katou? Cause this is something you really shouldn't miss. After all, earlier I bet you were thinking that you were happy that no one could see _this _expression on your Iwaki-sans face, since it only belonged to you." He lifted the raven haired mans chin, kissing down his neck to only emphasize his answer. "But who would have known that a simple aphrodisiac could show something you treasured?" he grinned hazardously. "Hurts, doesn't it?"

Why bother look away in defeat when the truth was obvious?

Digging his nails into his palm, Iwaki leaned in towards Taro, planting a wet, subtle kiss on his lips as he pleaded with star gazed eyes "Please…let me come."

"_Kill me, kill me now!" _Katou demanded to his mind. _"Hand me a gun, make me swallow a knife, ANYTHING!" _

"Oh my, someone's eager."

Switching positions, Iwaki turned himself so he was chest to chest with Taro; regulating his breathing with the other mans as he pressed against the still shirt covered man, leisurely sliding forward. "Please…?"

The brown haired man only leered, quickening the pace of his thrusts as Iwaki narrowed down to his pocket; taking hold of the cold piece of metal that blistered his finger tips. He quickly removed it from his jeans pocket and aimed the loaded revolver that he threatened Katou with earlier that night onto his forehead, shocking everyone as he planted himself accurately on the trigger.

**"****Too late." **

Katou couldn't breath, his lover had already been tarnished by the sex driven men that forced themselves in him, but murder would surely stain deeper! Iwaki's soul remained innocently white in Katou's eyes, but pulling the trigger would eventually turn his angel pitch black with insanity.

"Iwaki-san! **DON'T!**"

His gray eyes shone with a lingering, narcotic taste as the Warehouse drowned in a silent pause of caution. Iwaki could feel sinister thoughts form onto his mind as he ignored Katou's pleas' to stop him.

Taro remained unchanged. No fear was planted in his bold eyes, and his blood had continued running warmly, instead of being frozen cold by dread.

"Do it, what are you waiting for?" his voice vibrated static properties, as if notifying the after life that he would soon be a part of it. "If you want to kill me, pull the trigger. Once I'm dead you can leave immediately with your lover, since no one will have second thoughts in stopping you."

Their eyes now seemed accustomed to each other, since Taro's bronze eyes were now embedded into Iwaki's memory. He wouldn't hesitate, if he had to do it, Iwaki would kill this man in order to save his lover, and himself. What was stopping him? The apple to his eye was frantic to prevent this situation, even if Taro, his enemy, had done the unthinkable to the lovers.

The very man who claimed to have predicted everything, whose cheeky smile had infuriated him! Yet…something seemed strange, as if a partial piece of business left undone.

"What are you hiding?" Iwaki demanded, he _needed_ an answer.

Katou could now hear his own heart beat, this seemed too unreal!

"Pull the trigger and find out."

Losing his patience, the raven haired man did as Taro spoke, the Warehouse echoing with the sound of the gun shot, as Katou's heart nearly stopped beating.

* * *

**It's about damned time this chapter was finished!**

***Sigh* This turned out as an epic fail in an attempt to make a cliffhanger .**

**Hmmm...it looks a lot shorter than it felt T_T But seriously, weird. It's about 1,400 words, yet it looks like it's as long as chapter 1 or 2 to me . I must be too tired from siting down on a computer chair and type down simple words XD (Lol I'm such a lazy $$)  
**

**Jesus, I was in total writers block for this! I just REALLY wanna finish this $#&%ing flashback and move on already~! Dx**

**It took me forever to write this, since my mind was getting annoyed at all this crap. **

**Oh well, at least there's only one more chapter of torture...**

**And P.S. I won't be home on Wednesday, since I'll be going on a four day trip with my classmates. (Can't wait! :D) And i've been thinking if I should update on Monday (before I go). Does that sound like a good idea? Or should i just wait till next Saturday for chapter 10? Ehh, I'll decide later xP **

**Anyways, you all know the drill ^^**

**REVIEW FOR THIS OVERRATED FLASHBACK TO BE OVER!**


	10. Nothing Good About Goodbye

**Enjoy chapter 10! :) (Oh gosh, it's 10/8/11 and I'm trying to edit this chapter, but the freakin doc manager keeps messin me up and it's pissin me off! D:)**

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_Nothing Good About Goodbye_

"_What?"_

"Oh my, did I forget to add bullets to this one? What a shame." Taro spoke in a mocking, sarcastic tone as Iwaki continued to press his finger on the trigger constantly, wishing for something to come out.

"Silly Iwaki-san, nothing's going to happen."

It took a moment for the dazed actor to form back his composure, which was nearly an impossible task; what with the unknown substance trailing through his blood during it's most efficient phases. "You look so cute when you're disappointed~"

Grabbing Iwaki's wrists, he branched his hands together by the steel platted handcuffs he held in his left pocket. How much more did he have in there?

"This will make sure you stay out of trouble, right?" he whispered in a haunting voice in Iwaki's ear. Frustrated, the actor tried his best to escape the man's grip, yet all that his vision could provide him with was a steamy sense of self denial.

"Quiet now, aren't you?" he kissed Iwaki's forehead, but all he could return the gesture with was a demonic glare, only heightening Taro's interest. "Ahhhh Iwaki-san~ You're so delectable when you look at me like that." He grinned, holding the man in a fortress of his arms as he buried his chin into his shoulder blade.

"Maybe after this incident is over, you can come with me." His smug face simply deepened his foolish words. "After all, you will be single. And I'm sure you're someone who get's _very_ lonely." He persuaded the joke, as he took hold of the side of Iwaki's head, to face the gory sight that was to be seen.

Iwaki's mind shattered, as he froze, paralyzed while the dumbstruck actor watched his lover's blood cover the floor beneath him. "Iwaki-san, don't look..." He spoke in a calm voice, yet the ounces of blood that were pouring out from his right shoulder would say otherwise.

"You should know not to act on your own, and now see what you've done."

Iwaki could feel his skin crawl with regret and fear, as his knees buckled from the sight, the shock raging through his body overwhelming the little tranquility he obtained. _"What have I done?" _

Taro's satisfaction simply grew magnificently, as the aged actors dazzling gray eyes grew empty, unable to process any emotions.

"Iwaki-san! I'm fine, it's alright!" Planting another bullet into Katou's body, the metal pierced through his left calf, swallowing his cries as he grunted out the pain, trying to hide the discomfort from his beloved.

"Iwaki-san, don't worry..." the older man could hear Katou's breathing become heavier. "It's going to be alright..."

Images raced through his mind, as Taro un-cuffed Iwaki's wrists, only to watch the man use his palms to cover his ears, shivering like a child as he shut his eyes closed. _"WHAT HAVE I DONE?"_

"You're acting so defenseless, it's rather cute." Taro crouched down to the broken man's side, enjoying his work to the fullest. "Don't close your eyes, don't you want to see Katou in his last moments alive?"

The shaken actor couldn't help but look up, his blood running cold from the horrible sight that overwhelmed his being with a fear he expected no longer existed.

The blonde haired man's breathing was ragged, as he denied eye contact from his beloved. "Taro, we called the ambulance, they should arrive in about 1 minute and 43 seconds from now." A bright haired man whispered into Taro's ear. Standing up from beside Iwaki, a smile of satisfaction spread upon his twisted face.

"Seems time is a bit short on both of us, so why not hurry?" Raising his dominant hand, he aimed the revolver for about three inches to the left of his heart, ready to aim as Iwaki pushed his arm off balanced. "Seems like someone's back to his senses." The brown haired man sighed.

**"I WON'T LET YOU HURT HIM."**

"Don't you think it's a little too late for that?" Taro could see Iwaki's tear stained eyes stare down at him with determination, unable to refrain from chuckling at this sight.

Racing in front of Katou, Iwaki held his arms spread out far, as if being a shield for the wounded man. "I won't let Katou die!"

And just like that, as those words flowed out from Iwaki's lips, a shot gun's bullets from the second floor of the Warehouse planted a few more holes into the weak man's body. Forcing him to collapse onto the floor, Katou laid there motionless, his frantic lover only able to stare down at him with a surprised expression.

Powerless, the raven haired man was useless once again, only able to watch as the man he claimed to "save" bleed to his own death.

"Hm, I was expecting something a bit more enjoyable." The tall, regret-less man sighed. "Oh well, at least I won't be late for dinner with Macy." Taro hummed, as laughter began to surround him.

"Macy? What the hell happened to Laura?"

"Don't tell me your cheating again!"

"Eh, she was too clingy. Nice chest, but not so much her personality." walking towards the entrance of the building, Taro left behind a mess of gore and destruction. "Oh yeah, and Iwaki-san." he turned back to the hysterical man. "You might wanna stop the bleeding, we called an ambulance out for you two, but you better do something before it's too late. Good luck!"

And just like that, the two lovers remained in a stream of colds air, as they remained together in the worst possibly situation ever. Grabbing his discarded clothes that had rested only a few feet away, Iwaki tore the fabric of his coat and pants, using them as bandages to help cease the bleeding.

"Hm, I guess I can't say I didn't expect this." Katou grinned, crimson blood sliding down the side of his lip, as Iwaki dressed his fresh wounds.

"IDIOT! Don't talk! It'll only worsen the pain!" Iwaki scolded, frantic to stop the bleeding. Dammit, why wouldn't it stop?

Allowing for a few silent moments to pass, Katou's still composed voice welcomed into his lover's ear drums. "Iwaki-san, will you promise me something?"

"Dammit, don't talk! How many ti-"

"IWAKI-SAN." Katou demanded, as he spat out blood, gazing at his beloveds worried eyes, as they glistened with the horror that eclipsed them. "Can you promise me something?"

"What's there to promise? I nearly destroyed the life of the man I can't live without, I'm a disgrace as a lover!" he cried out, yet those words could not carry into Katou's mind.

"'Disgrace'? I'm sorry Iwaki-san, but that would can never be associated with you in my dictionary." He chuckled, as the pale man above him felt his heart about to explode out of his chest.

"Iwaki-san, can you live on without me?"

"How could you ask such a question? I'm falling apart enough now as it is while you're still _breathing_! I can't bear the thought of facing this world without you…"

The blonde haired man caressed Iwaki's red cheeks, as if in an act to help console the distressed man. "Can you please promise me something?" he spoke softly, his body gushing out a pool of red.

"There is nothing to promise, you're going to survive this, you're going to live!" Iwaki could hear himself screaming. The very fact was, that he himself didn't know this. Hot tears of transparent misery swept away nearly all signs of potential. He could feel his heart pounding against his chest, ready to explode once Katou would leave his side.

No...he couldn't bear the thought of being alone, it hurt far too much! These words dug into Iwaki's soul like ragged hooks, unable to let go.

"Please Iwaki-san, live a long, happy life without me. I know this might seem impossible, me asking this to you, but I'm begging you. As your lover, I don't want to see you as nothing more than a destroyed shell, so live for the both of us…alright?"

Iwaki didn't want to believe this reality, he wanted to wake up from this nightmare, into the embrace of Katou's broad chest in a sunny morning, remembering that Heaven had always been provided for him. He didn't want to face the fact that now Hell was waiting, coming to snatch away his happiness in a devious, sickening manner.

All the distress man could do was cry. He stared into the golden orbs Katou possessed, as he gently wrapped his slender arms around the damaged mans body. "Please Katou...don't leave me here alone..." he could hear himself whimpering. _"This can't be real...please...let this be a dream!" _

Iwaki swallowed down lead, his eyes were stained red from his tears while he could feel the first day of Satan's new reign overwhelm him, as he looked down on Katou's simple smile.

Leaning upwards, Katou planted a kiss on Iwaki's cold lips, as the raven haired man felt a smile press against him. "Make sure no one kisses you now, since I won't be able to purify them anymore." He gave off a slight laugh, yet Iwaki remained paralyzed like a statue, nearly unable to allow this to become true.

"Iwaki-san." He called out gently, as the raven haired actor kissed him back.

_"I love you." _

And just like that, the blonde collapsed onto the floor once again, the cold, blood soaked floor providing as his grave, as the ambulance arrived only a second later.

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**Huzzah! It's almost the end of the flashback! Did you all enjoy this chapter? :3 It really was fun to type out~**

**Anyways, i would like to thank Jessmoonchild and bubuheartzallie, for being the only two readers I know actually know my fanfic exist :D **

**It means a lot, really, so i decided to give you two a little recommendation :)**

**REVIEW FOR THE AMBULANCE TO SAVE KATOU!**


	11. Disenchanted Lullaby

**FINALLY! Chapter 11 has FINALLY been posted up! I'm sorry for the long wait, but ever since i got back from my camping trip, I have been overwhelmed with homework, and just been exhausted nearly 24/7.**

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_Disenchanted Lullaby_

Songs of sirens tampered Iwaki's lifeless mind, as flashing lights of red eclipsed his sight. He felt heavy, as if pounds of sand were weighing him down from a river of discontent.

Iwaki's eyes fluttered open to the sight of light colors circling his eye sight. He was resting on a pure colored Hospital bed, the gently fabric cutting into his skin like needles, as he picked himself up, nearly unable to sit properly from the severe treatment he had just been expelled to.

"Iwaki-san? You're awake!" he heard Shimizu cry, nearly jumping from her seat as she held out her hands as an act to help aid the weak actor.

"Where…am I?"

"In the Hospital, are you alright? Can you stand? How are you feeling?" she showered the President a stream of questions, as her eyes shone with pity and confusion.

Removing the sheets from his pale body, Iwaki landed on his feet, bolts of pain rushing through his body as he grunted, collapsing to his knees as Shimizu rested by his side.

"Seems like you're finally awake." A man cladded in white spoke in a sincere tone, his hair the shade of soft brown as a smile was plastered onto his face. "How are you feeling?"

Heavy breathing scattered upon the room, as Iwaki's eyes became unfocused once again. "Seems like the drug still hasn't subsided, you're still extremely fragile." He walked closer, placing his hand on the dark haired mans shoulder as Iwaki jolted back, the sensation spiking his body with nausea and discomfort.

"Where's Katou?"

Shimizu looked away, as the older man gazed into Iwaki's gray eyes, as if forcing the silence to drive him mad.

**"****Where's Katou?" **he could hear himself scream, clawing the floor as his lip bled with crimson.

"I'm sorry…" the man spoke gently, as Iwaki rose to his feet, gripping the Doctors shirt collar as his eyes widened with strucken anger.

"'I'm sorry'? Why are you apologizing? He's fine, isn't he? He must be resting right now, shouldn't he be? You were able to save him, correct?" he was now trembling, barely able to keep himself standing.

His mind was going blank, the room was spinning in spherical motions, as an unknown sickness began to intoxicate him.

"What room is he in…?"

The doctor hesitated for a moment, until he spoke in a hushed tone "It's the room to the right of this one, number 438."

Dashing, Iwaki exited his Hospital room, twisting the metal knob of the light blue door, as he thrashed it open, his eyes welcoming the sight of an unknown body resting under stainless a white colored sheets.

"Hey, wake up, you shouldn't be sleeping." Iwaki could hear himself saying, walking towards Katou as he threw the sheets off from the lifeless man, gazing at the pale composure that ratified his flesh.

"Hey, I said wake up!" the raven haired man slapped his blonde lover, clashing his face with sudden strikes as he gritted his teeth, as he took hold of the mans, pulling him closer as he shook him back and forth.

"Don't you remember what I told you that night? I won't forgive you if you leave me alone, _never_!" the hysterical man shrieked, sending chains of attacks to his deceased lover.

_"Why won't you wake up?"_

"It's useless." The man at the door way spoke in a sympathetic tone, shutting the door behind him as he fixed his eyes upon the sight before him. "He passed away about the same time the ambulance arrived."

Iwaki could feel the air of the room vanish. "You're lying…"

"Am I?" the unknown man separated Iwaki from the corpse that rested on the cold bed, and slapped him across the face with his palm.

"Iwaki-san…" he began.

"_Please, don't say it…" _

**"****He's gone."**

.

.

.

"Now that you've calmed down, we can proceed."

Iwaki was an empty shell; he simple stared into the soulless corridor as several doors passed by him. The shook had finally begun to drain through his veins, as he barely lost the ability to speak.

"You've misplaced the person most important to you, that is why we fear of your safety." He began, glancing to the side of the destroyed actor. "I spoke to your manager, and also made a phone call to your agency. I understand that you being the President, it would be difficult to take time off; but due to this becoming life changing, they said for this to urgent."

He paused, noticing Iwaki's flesh begin to tremble.

"Can you speak?"

Not even a gesture was shown as a response, Iwaki simply continued walking forward, wishing to find something that would help him wake up from this nightmare.

"Here we are." The man stopped, while the shattered actor glanced at the steel door before him, confused as he searched for an answer.

"This room is sound proof, anyone can say anything and nothing can be heard. Would you like to use it? You can scream all the angst away for the moment, to help you a bit."

He walked towards the door, signaling for it to be opened.

"Alright then, I'll come back in twenty minutes, please be careful Iwaki-san." The brown haired man spoke, finding the precise key as he slide it into the chamber, opening the abandoned room as a cold gush of air slapped Iwaki's face, drawing into his now numb body.

Walking at a slow pace, the raven haired mans eyes feasted upon the dull room, gray circling across every corner, as a blue patch of flowers enticed his vision, giving off a bit of melancholy.

Listening to the sound of the door shut, Iwaki staggered to the wall, collapsing as he slide to the floor; covering his face with his shaken fingers, feeling the cold tears roll down his cheeks as he thrashed his head from side to side, denying this reality.

"You're alive…right? I'm not crazy; you're not dead, right…?" he lowered his palms, noticing not a single injury present on his body. "Why should I be the one still breathing?"

Sliding down his sleeves of the Hospital clothes, Iwaki scratched his wrist rapidly, slicing skin until blood began to bleed from his opened wounds. "It's not enough…not enough…"

Inhaling a dark breath, he eyed the ceiling, watching the fan circle. "I could bite my tongue right now, and I could be with you again…"

"_Live for the both of us…alright?"_

Digging his nails into his head, Iwaki gave out an ear piercing scream, continuing on until his voice grew hoarse, and until his tears had all been parched from his eyes.

_**"**__**COME BACK!" **_

_The Next Day_

"Iwaki-san…are you alright?" Shimizu had called from her driver seat, checking the mirror to see her client's unknown expression. He was staring outside the window, his eyes losing their gleam as her face portrayed that of anxiety. The distraught actor hadn't spoken a word since he saw his lover's corpse in that Hospital bed yesterday, as she sighed a breath of disappointment, understanding that it was still too soon.

The feeling as lingering, when she heard the man break down into tears after noticing him uncover the motionless body. She was too far to help him, his mind had lost all aspects of positivity. All that seemed to be shone, was that of self hatred and desperation.

"It's strange." He barely muttered, as the shocked woman nearly stepped on the breaks.

"What is Iwaki-san!" she could hear herself shriek, wishing to turn back and focus completely on the broken man.

"It's sunny."

"…Is there something wrong with that?" she regained her composure, trying to concentrate on the road.

He paused, the suns rays beating at his skin as he flinched from the light, watching them approach their awaited destination as clouds began to form into the sky.

"_Is he going to continue…?" _Shimizu asked herself, finding a parking space as she felt a breeze run through the car.

"It should be raining…"

The next few hours remained as a blur to Iwaki's damaged mind, as he barely had the sense of mind to stand. His surroundings covered him in colors of depression, as blue rained endlessly from the eyes of his companions.

A funeral.

Not only a funeral, but _Katou's_.

"Would anyone like to exchange a few words?"

The area remained silent, only moans and cries being heard, as Iwaki stood up straight, walking towards the front of the cemetery as he faced the many similar friends that only deepened his pain.

"Katou Youji…" it hurt to even say his name. "Not only a lover, but a man who's passion continuously grew for acting." Iwaki paused, exhaling a chuckle as people stared at him in wonder. "Actually, it hurts to talk about him; I keep trying to persuade myself into the lie that this is all just a dream…"

He gazed up from the ground, his eyes fading into that of disorientation, as he blinked away the despair. "His lack of presence will affect each of us, whether if he was a family member, or simply a man devoted to his work."

Iwaki could feel boulders of shallow discomfort chain to his ankles, as he could feel a gust of wind send hundreds of bronze colored leaves flying into the Twilight sky.

_Bronze. _Iwaki could see those very eyes stare at him from the back of the crowd of people. At that instant, they had moved away, as the raven haired man could feel his blood pressure drop, his blood running cold down his veins.

Removing the white rose that rested in his breast pocket, Iwaki kissed it gently, as he turned his back to the many on lookers and placed it elegantly on his dirt covered grave.

"You will always remain in our memories."

Amongst them, every rose had been showered crimson red, the one pure flower showing that originality, as it complimented the sight of his burial.

Walking back to his seat, every sound was blocked off from reaching his confused mind; as he watched hollowly in the act of Youko exhaling a few words, counting the tears that slide down her porcelain cheeks, as they landed upon her black dress, dampening the thin fabric.

_"It's going to rain, isn't it?" _

Iwaki asked himself, staring at gray clouds covering the dazzling rays the sun portrayed.

"Iwaki-san, are you ready to leave?" Shimizu called out to him at the end of the service, as Iwaki faced her, forcing a gently smile.

"Shimizu-san, I won't be leaving any time soon from now, so please leave whenever you wish, I'll simply walk home."

She rejected the choice to object. After all, this _was _he man who adored the deceased actor with all his heart.

"Alright…Call me if you need anything, alright…?" she sighed, for within the smile he showed to her, she could see this very man fall onto his knees, cursing to the Heavens for taking away all in his life he had truly treasured.

The displaced man simply walked back to the grave, leaving the young woman as she headed towards the fleet of stairs, the sky expelling the sight of destruction and dejection.

Rain began to plunder down, as Iwaki simply stood there, listening to everyone leave in a hurry as the sound of raindrops echoed through his hair, leaving him alone.

He just stood there, thinking, wishing, wondering if maybe he would be the next person to unite with Katou.

"Hey, Katou…" he called out lightly, his suit getting drenched with the absent minded phase of solitary.

"Why do you suppose he was here…?" the wind blew harder, as the rain became more intense. "His eyes felt like they were burning into me…"

It was no use, he had only spent less than a day alone, and it was already enough.

"Katou…"

Iwaki could feel the moon being over shadowed by the clouds above.

"Do you really think I can live this way?"

3:48 am, as Iwaki shut the door closed of his haunting home. He had spent as long as he could simply gazing into Katou's grave, until he nearly fell from exhaustion. Ironically, Shimizu drove his car to the parking, so all that was needed was for the lost man to drive back home.

"What…just happened?" The world seemed as if it was in between beauty and tragedy.

Iwaki was soaked in rain, not a single inch of skin dry, as he denied the act of his body collapsing to the floor. he felt as if his mind was about to burst, nothing could be registered without the sight of blood and murder covering each topic!

It was too much, **TOO MUCH TO HANDLE! **

Too overwhelming to ever understand,

too destructive to leave anyone unscathed;

this insanity...

would be the **_end_** of Iwaki Kyousuke...

Tanaka spit out his coffee, Mayou had passed out from shock, and Shimizu could feel the blood rush to her head. "President Iwaki-san!" every person in the office nearly screamed in unison, their eyes opened wide as the pale man grew a soft smile.

"Good morning everyone, did you all sleep well?"

Shimizu marched towards the innocent man, confused, but also extremely angered by his sudden presence. "Iwaki-san!" she pulled him close, his ears leveled towards her mouth.

"Why are you here! The funeral was yesterday!"

Those words simply drifted through the mans void mind, as he simply stood up straight, beaming a smile.

"A man should never have to miss work just because of his personal life."

Unbelievable.

Un-freaking-believable!

Shimizu could feel the stack of papers that were wrapped around her arms drop to the floor, as she stared in awe at the older man expel friendly good mornings to his colleagues, until finally he vanished from her sight, unable to stop herself from shivering.

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**Sorry if my writing seems plain in this chapter, but I'm just aching to get to bed, but i made sure to persuade myself to update TODAY, since I don't like updating any days OTHER than Wednesday or Saturday. **

**But yeah, the flashback is officially over :D **

**I think...unless i want some random crap to happen in chapter 12, but we'll see! xP**

**Lately, I have been ADDICTED to those Cyber Bullying, Bulimic/Anorexic commercials on Youtube, and they have just been digging through my head . Prob since my teacher always shows us them every once in a while~**

**Anyways, thanks so much for the wait, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter :) **

**It's a but long, but hey, I ended up missing the opportunity to update last Saturday.**

**Now this teen is gettin some sleep! My shoulders are stiff from Volleyball practice, and I needa catch some Zzzzz's~**

**REVIEW FOR SHIMIZU TO KEEP HER TEMPER! :D **

**[Lame, but who cares? xD]  
**


	12. Swallowed By Ones Disappointment

**I'm...ALIVE! Can you believe it! Damn, I'm super surprised o.O I haven't updated in 2 weeks! 2 WEEKS! *Passes out from shock* I apologize to the people who have been waiting patiently, so here is Chapter 12 of Distained! :D Sorry for crappy title, but I always make them up about a few minutes before I publish these x)  
**

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_Swallowed By Ones Disappointment_

"_A-Ah! Stop…Enough…!" _Iwaki moaned, yet nothing could be stopped. The large man behind him continued thrusting into him, pounding harshly into him as a thin trail of saliva escaped from his lower lip; his eyes slammed shut from overbearing this sickening ecstasy. Foreign hands began toying with his rose colored buttons, pinching them as unknown lips kissed upon the actors quivering skin, taking joy in his weakness.

Laughter echoed through his ear drums, as shattered eyes stared from the darkness. Powerless, destroyed, ice heated fingers danced upon his broken skin while Iwaki's eyes shot open with the past nightmare.

It was 5:42 am, and he had only shut his ghastly orbs for a few seconds.

He sat up shaken, his face buried in bullets of sweat, as his heart beat quickened from the replay of his desecration.

Eight days had passed since Katou's departure, and every second the weak actor closed his eyes, different scenes of that dreadful night continued on and on.

"I haven't slept in over a week…" his voice gave off in a hoarse tone, as he rose to his feet, exiting his solitary prison while he entered the tile floored bathroom, placing shivering finger tips on the cool touch of the metal faucet handles, the running water creating melodies of discomfort to the lost man.

Iwaki splashed the cool essence onto his no longer perfect face, staring down into the sink as he lifted his head elegantly, noticing the loss of color in his skin, and his cracking flesh proving his current break downs. He cleared his damaged throat, as Iwaki reached into the cabinet before him, and took out three bottles.

The first pill was shaped circular, a red imprint onto the very center of it, reading the name _Advil_. Iwaki grabbed the free glass to his right and filled the cup half way with tap water, as the cold refreshment slid down his throat, as he flinched from its cool sensation.

He had voided himself of nearly all nutrient, not a single shred of meat had been overwhelmed since Katou's lack of presence.

"_How could you not eat anything for so long? Iwaki-san, this body doesn't only belong to you, and you know that. Plus, I really hate the way you're treating it, you're hurting yourself!" _The distraught man could hear his deceased blonde lover scold.

It seemed as if insanity would be easier to achieve than self peace...

Iwaki placed back the white container back inside, and held loosely the other two, one in an orange, transparent case, and the other in a rectangular size, its coloring the same as his hair, and its surface as smooth as an ice cube.

He opened with leisurely, and popped one of each into his mouth, and swallowed his daily medicine groggily. As the water seeped down his throat, he could feel his cuts begin to fester, while he rejected the urge to increase their size.

"_Iwaki Kyousuke! What can you say about this event!" a large man yelled, pushing the microphone closer to the irritated actor._

"_Iwaki-san! Don't you have anything to say about Katou's death!"_

"_Whatever happened to the devotion you both shared for each other?"_

"_Who was Katou Youji's killer!"_

"_Why do you insist on keeping quiet when you yourself are the ONLY person in Japan who knows of his murderer!" _

"_Were you secretly an accomplice in crating your lover's demise?" _

"_Iwaki-san!"_

"_**IWAKI-SAN!" **_

He banged his head onto the mirror, trying to block away the constant cries of the paparazzi that nearly swallowed him whole the day after the funeral.

"Please…" he begged; his voice barely any louder than a whisper.

"Go away."

Shattered, beyond repair, destroyed, dismantled of all tranquility;

These words couldn't even compare to this mans pain…

_Yesterday_

The phone began to ring casually, sending sound waves upon the vacant prison, as Iwaki's eyes heavily drifted open. The weak sleeping pills were completely bland as the man arose to his feet, goosebumps trailing upon his flesh, as he exhaled a deep sigh from the relief he felt.

"What a nightmare…" he glanced at the clock, estimating he had only two minutes of sleep. He felt as if he was about to pass out from exhaustion, the absence of rest draining Iwaki, as he reached for the noisy object.

"It seems that modern medication won't even let me sleep."

As Iwaki rose to his feet, rubbing his eyes from the lack of activity he had drowned himself in, he cleared his throat before wrapping his fingers in the cool plastic of the object.

"Hello?" he managed to speak formally, this effort scratching at his throat as weariness overwhelmed him.

As if a shadow upon sunlight, it felt as if trying to swallow broken glass.

"Iwaki-san, how are you doing?" the raven haired man piqued from the composed voice echoing through the connection line, as he blinked away his shock and discomfort.

"Brother, how are you doing?" the narcotic man coughed, his chest already feeling heavy with metal as his skin began to crawl.

"Concerned. Are you yourself doing fine? I can hear the uneasiness in your voice."

The stiff man smiled faintly, as he took a seat on the large leather covered furniture.

"Then you would be correct if you think I'm still affected by all this." Iwaki exhaled a soft chuckle, as he could feel his blood run cold. Why was he so nervous to talk to his beloved sibling so suddenly?

The line remained silent, a haunting feeling eclipsing the shaking man as his breathing became heavier.

"Do you mind if come over to check up on you? I fear you might have gotten ill from your lack of hospitality to your body; due to Katou's disappearance of course." Misahiko sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as Iwaki swallowed hard, feeling as if all the air in the room had vanished.

"Of course, come any time you like."

Cold eyes narrowed up and down of Iwaki's fragile being, taking note of every feature his younger brother had lost.

"You really know how to frighten someone…" he muttered, placing his coat lightly onto the sofa as Iwaki grew a bit confused.

"Pardon?" he tried to laugh, yet his throat was dry with discontent.

The man grabbed the sides of Iwaki's shirt, stretching them to opposite directions as the stunned man stood still, unable to uncover Misahiko's unknown actions.

"Last I remember this shirt was small on you." The blonde man scrutinized further, as Iwaki rejected the action of shivering; swallowing hard acid to remain calm.

"You have surely lost weight." He finally released his grip, as Iwaki chuckled dryly.

"And how may I ask that you remember such a thing from last year?"

"I don't miss much when I'm with you Iwaki; I try to keep everything in my memory."

The older man entered the living room leisurely, as the false actor followed behind, replacing Misahiko's footprints with his own.

"Would you like something to drink?"

"No need, I was just about to ask if I could cook for you."

He seemed…dumbstruck. No hunger had eclipsed him this past week, so what excuse would he make?

He had already eaten?

There was no need for such an act?

That his pills wouldn't allow him to consume any food for a certain period of time?

The last option seemed to entice Iwaki the most as an excuse, yet how would that be held together once his older brother persuades his current crisis?

"Is that alright?" he turned his head, facing his pale colored brother.

Another fake smile was beamed, as Iwaki spoke in a serene voice "Use anything you like."

The aroma of curry had strangled Iwaki's throat, as the strong scent carved deeply into his mind.

"_Katou and I made curry often…"_ he reminisced half heartedly. Why was even the slightest choice causing the naïve actor to be overwhelmed with the decease of nostalgia?

"Recently I've been worried about you, and I apologize for not being able to visit sooner." Misahiko spoke, serving his younger sibling his portion of the meal.

"It's nothing to worry about, you have your own matters to attend to." The food reeked of memories, as the disgusted man struggled in griping his spoon.

"_Why has food become so repulsive to me now?" _

Iwaki scooped the sickening mixture of vegetables and meat, lifting it to the entrance of his mouth, as he allowed for the unwanted nutrient slide down his throat as he force swallowed it, hiding his nausea.

"Why are you off of work today?" Masahiko asked, as he whipped his lips smoothly.

"The day after the funeral, I arrived at work, and no one seemed to agree with my choice to continue my role as the President. By the following Monday of that day, my associates forbade me from coming to work for four weeks. I tried reasoning, but they insisted I should rest after just experiencing such a tragedy." He stopped, taking another bite as his tongue flamed with disappointment.

Misahiko simply stared at the unreadable man in front of him. "It was for the best." He commented, as Iwaki lowered his gaze, leaving his filled spoon with curry in mid air, while it remained three inches from his cracking lips.

"Yeah…"

Night fell faster than to be expected, as Masahiko grabbed his coat and began tying his shoes. "Wouldn't you like to stay longer?" Iwaki asked softly, staring at the back of his older brother's sheer black jacket.

"I apologize Iwaki-san, but it wouldn't be wise to stay out for to long. It seems that Fuyumi has been having morning sickness lately, and it would be best that I stay by her side and aid her."

Iwaki remained silent for a moment, his breath caught in his throat. "Fuyumi's pregnant?"

A soft smile creased upon Misahiko's lips, as he rose to his feet. "Yes, she is." He turned around, and wrapped his arms around Iwaki's shoulders, surprising the fragile man as he jolted slightly, this gentle sensation stinging at him.

"I don't want to leave you alone here, would you like to come to Niigata and stay with us for a while? I believe you need the hospitality."

Iwaki's lips quivered, as he embraced his brother tightly, shortly pulling away as he gazed into his dark brown eyes.

"Thanks…but I'd rather stay here."

The air remained still, as Masahiko expelled a sigh. "Stubborn as always." He noted, heading for the door, as he paused momentarily. "Come by soon though, Father wishes to see you, since he was too ill to come to the funeral."

Iwaki directed a smile, waving goodbye to his dear sibling. "I will, and Masahiko…" he began, his mind at ease for a single moment.

"What is it Iwaki?"

Why were his hands shaking? Why couldn't he simply go with Misahiko to Niigata, as a way to vent out his troubles?

"Iwaki…?"

"Thanks for coming." He finally spoke, his words as clear as crystals while the older man crafted a gentle smile, saying his goodbyes as the door softly closed shut, the broken actor once again alone in the face of destruction.

* * *

***Sigh* Man life can be cruel to teenagers . One reason why I haven't uploaded in so long wasn't because I'm too busy (but that it another reason why) but lately I've been coming across too many problems, to the point of almost facing a breakdown T.T**

**I'm either over sensitive, or have the worst luck.**

**Most likely both...**

**But it was really hard to write chapter 12 in between tears, since this should happen in later chapters, when Iwaki is _! (Pssh, I'm not give any of you spoilers ;D You better wait about another month to know ^^)**

**Anyways, hopefully I'll be able update on time regularly now, since I find it VERY disappointing that I missed four opportunities to do so.**

**So, you guys know the drill: REVIEW FOR IWAKI-SAN TO GO TO NIIGATA!**


	13. Babies Breathe

**Again, after a shit load of things overwhelming, more continue to come... I was supposed to upload yesterday, but I was both 1) lazy and 2) not in the mood to write since I was still bearing some bad news. And today, I continue to have terrible news...ANYWAYS, don't mind my misfortune, please enjoy chapter 13 of Distained! :) (Chapter 13? Huh, how fitting~)**

* * *

_Babies Breathe_

As soon as the door shut closed, Iwaki dashed upstairs, running full speed until he thrashed opened the bathroom door, and removed every trace of curry from his aching stomach. The very act of swallowing it and keeping a poker face was hard enough, but actually allowing the nutrients to digest was too much to bear.

Iwaki was hunched over the toilet bowl, coughing up the left over remains as his eyes closed tight, heaving while he clutched the sides of the porcelain object, trying to balance himself as he ceased his sudden actions.

"Putrid…" he spoke to himself, flushing the fragments away as he went over to the sink to brush his teeth, the vulgar smell circling him with nausea. "What a degrading act…" he sighed to himself, nearly unable to stand as he felt his stomach churn, dashing back to continue his unwanted acts.

.

.

.

_"There have been no signs of Iwaki Kyousuke's reaction to his past lover, Katou Youji, demise since his funeral that took place last week. What do you suppose has been going through his mind, Rick?"_

_"I'm not sure, but it seems that the paparazzi had finally calmed down. Are there any reports of him even leaving his house?"_

_"Not a single."_

Iwaki turned the TV off, unable to stand this animosity any longer. He placed his hands softly on his face, stretching his weak muscles as an exasperated sigh released from his lips. His ghastly eyes locked onto the bleak ceiling, as if trying to read an unknown puzzle on its blank exterior.

The intercom rang suddenly, destroying the silence in the house as Iwaki dragged his feet to the spot where the sound emitted, wrapping his slender fingers around the phone as he held it to his ear, nearly whispering "Hello?

"Iwaaaaaaki-sha~!" a playful voice cried happily, gleam expelling through the air.

"Yousuke! Don't yell so loud at the monitor." The raven haired man heard Youko scold her growing son, as Iwaki froze at the spot, swallowing hard as he answered back to his sister-in-law, knowing fully well that she would come to visit the fragile man after her brother's funeral.

"Iwaki-san, are you there?" she called out in a nostalgic, calming tone, that made Iwaki's mind flutter with despair.

"One second, I'll open the door for you." He spoke rapidly, placing the device back to its original spot as he reached for the metal knob of the wooden door, glancing at the motherly blond as the small five year old leaped up into his embrace.

"Iwaki-sha!" he shouted, burying his face into the older mans chest as he inhaled the sweet aroma of his regular scent. "Iwaki-sha smells good!" he grinned, wrapping his small arms around the flustered man's neck as a smile plastered upon his face.

But all that had remained in his vision was the sight of the young new born child in Youko's arms, sleeping innocently as he twiddled his fingers together. "Hi Iwaki-san," she greeted "I'm sorry for coming unannounced, but I was worried about you."

The aged actor was unable to answer. Swift fully, he pulled Yousuke off from the floor and held him secure in his arms, escorting them inside.

"No, _I_ apologize. During the funeral I had refrained from speaking to any one from the very shock of it all." Iwaki noted, his back now to the young woman as he heard the fragile boy fidget in his mother's arms. "I had been so overwhelmed by the situation that I had not noticed him in your arms."

A long silence eclipsed the four, as Iwaki closed the door behind Youko, locking it as Yousuke gripped his T Shirt harder, wishing to fill the gap between them. "Where's your husband?" the actor finally asked, breaking the long disturbance that overshadowed the air the air.

"He was only able to make it to the funeral, since he had to return home for a business meeting." She spoke obediently, as the broken man avoided eye contact. "He gives out his regards though, he understands that you must still be restless from this whole thing." Youko's eyes glistened with pity, wishing for all this grief to disappear like the very wind that slapped the trees.

"I thank him for that, the thought of him caring is enough." Iwaki smiled weakly, as the younger woman stared deeply into his nightly eyes, Yousuke wrapping his arms around Iwaki's neck, as the young child gave out a silent cry.

"I'm sure it was tiring taking care of these two alone." Iwaki laughed merrily, sitting onto the couch as Youko simply stared into him, as if reading his soul of its true actions done lately.

"Well, my husband tried to persuade Yousuke to stay at home with him, but as soon as he found out I was coming here to Tokyo to meet you, he wouldn't stop crying till we finally made an agreement." She giggled, the young child smiling brightly as Iwaki took a seat, Yousuke landing on his lap.

"Because I wuv you Iwaki-shaaa!" he spoke, causing a soft smile to creep of the actors lips.

"Thank you Yousuke!" Iwaki said playfully, tickling the blonde until small tears revolved around his eyes from delight. Youko stared gently at the heart warming scene, needles digging into her chest.

"You miss him, don't you?" she whispered, barely inaudible. And yet, Iwaki's mind had caught that very phrase like the knowledge of knowing a fly has invaded your house. His movements ceased, as his eyes fluttered half closed.

That question buried into him like a bullet, trying to cover his solemn expression. "Yes, I do…so much I can barely stand it."

Youko nodded, as the now calm child placed his ear on Iwaki's chest, listening to the mans soothing heart beat as Iwaki embraced the young beauty. She understood for a fact that this pain was unquenchable, yet she couldn't seem to compare her own despair with that of Iwaki's.

As soon as she walked inside, she knew his very life was fading away. His color had vanished, his weight now disappearing, and worse…

The gleam in Iwaki's fascinating eyes had vanished.

"What's his name?" The raven haired man uttered, staring intently at the sleeping infant on Youko's chest.

"Pardon?" she nearly shrieked out, her concentration a blur as her entire attention focused on man seated beside her.

"Your new son, what's his name?" Grinning softly, she caressed the soft cheeks of her new son born, taking pride in his easy birth.

"Taro."

That name jabbed into Iwaki like barbed wire, sinking deeper and deeper in a useless choice of wanting to escape. For a split second, shock, grief, and confusion covered Iwaki's face, as it surprised Youko. The gentleness her voice obtained when she spoke her second child's name only deepened the already scarred wound. He clenched his fists tightly, not wanting such a foolish thing over whelm him.

_"I shouldn't get so flustered from hearing his name, I should get over it!"_ he persuaded himself, and yet...the very fact he wanted himself to forget Katou's murder, and simply start a new life carefree without him, made him want to disappear into his own shadow.

Unexpectedly, a smile cracked from the corners of Iwaki's lips, as he spoke in a tender voice, trying to sooth his exploding heart "What a beautiful name."

Removing Yousuke from his grip, the raven haired man stood on his own two feet, his shoulders back as he asked gently "May I hold him?"

* * *

**I've had this gigantic headache all afternoon, and my head's ready to burst .**

***Sigh***

**Again, I am heart broken. Why? Because I was an idiot and jumped head first in a pool with no water.**

**School has been scaring me lately, my procrastination is getting worse and worse and it seems nearly impossible to fix! :( I mean, this is just horrible! I'm doing homework later and later now, and I should really start STUDYING for my HSPT test in December!**

**...**

**Ok, just gotta breathe, just gotta breathe...Volleyball season ended soon, so more time for myself now? NOPE. Cause i joined the soccer team! :D Why is that bad news? CAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PLAY...**

**So, I bet I know what you're wondering. "Stupid! Why did you join if you can't play?" **

**1) I love sports :3 Even if I suck at running cause I have no stamina XD**

**2) Doesn't matter if I can't play, cause neither can any of my classmates x)**

**Anyways, soccer starts in December, so I'm not gonna have any real time anymore :/ And to make it worse, Soccer will take away even MORE time than Volleyball did! So lately, I've been thinking. Should I fix my updating dates? Instead of twice a week to once a week? Cause lately I haven't been able to fulfill my promise any more x( And it just seems useless to try when I know I won't be able to make it. **

**Any suggestions? **

**REVIEW FOR BABY TARO!**


	14. Don't Forget to Knock

**My Thanksgiving vacation starts today! :D Ahhh, I've been having this nervous feeling in my stomach lately. Why? Because I'm scared :( I feel like I'm wasting too much time on the computer, since I haven't been doing so well in school...Ah! I wanna study this weekend, and I don't wanna procrastinate, but it's much harder when you're actually trying to stop .**

* * *

_Don't Forget to Knock_

Loud cries erupted through the house, as Iwaki backed away slowly, his eyes locked on the scene as he became thunderstruck, neutral from the child's reaction as sand formed into his throat, nearly unable to breathe.

"Oh my! I wonder what has gotten into him…" Youko consoled her son, rocking him in her slender arms as tears streamed through Taro's soft cheeks. "Please excuse me Iwaki, this shouldn't have happened!"

His eyes grew heavy, and his facial expression became unreadable. Taro's whimpers felt as if a melody, circling into his eardrums as they softly crafted the emotion of despair into Iwaki's mind, his muscles relaxing as his body felt heavy.

"No, it's alright." He whispered back, his voice barely inaudible as Yousuke grew weary at his Iwaki-sans lethargic aura.

"_There must be something that appeals to the Katou family's DNA in you!" _Iwaki recalled Youko say to him the day he and Katou had visited their countryside home.

"_Then, there's no worry I'll be disliked by the baby you're expecting?" _he asked, a laugh escaping from his seductive lips.

"_Depend on it!" _

"Iwaki-shaa?" Yousuke muttered under his breath, climbing down from his seat as he tugged on Iwaki's pants, unable to see the actors face.

Shivers trailed down the man's spine.

"_I'm just over thinking this..." _

His mind raced, thoughts speeding faster than flying bullets.

"_Right...?" _

_._

_._

_.  
_

Iwaki stood motionless, listening to the faucet water run as his hand trembled in anger. "Damn pills…" he cursed, infuriated by their lack of progress as he swallowed an extra two, wishing they would actually take effect.

The "happy pills" Iwaki had been handed by his doctor the day of Katou's demise were meant to be taken by people in severe depression, temporarily curing of their suicidal thoughts. Yet not even a jolt of energy sprung from the raven haired mans body. Instead, a hollow emptiness tuck to him harder than glue, causing the actor to waste away.

Nearly overdosing himself on them, he stared blankly at the now empty bottle, muttering beneath his breath. "Why won't they work? They should at least help me smile…"

Nothing seemed to accelerate his point of view in this dull world he lived in! His sleeping pills simply made resting harder for him; due to there lack of power, and headaches would occasionally appear and go. The medicine was meant to bring back color into Iwaki's eyes, but lately he could only see in black and white…

"If by anything, this is only making me remember him even more…"

Iwaki's skin began to crawl with fear, his knees buckling as he slowly fell to the ground, his heart beat accelerating as he broke out into a cold sweat.

"_I shouldn't let Youko or Yousuke see me like this, I need to get my act together!"_ he tried to encourage, picking himself up from the cold tiled floor; only to crash once again on it's hard surface. _"Well, at least until they leave that is…"_

The slender man then staggered out of the bathroom, flicking off the light as he headed towards his empty bed, crashing onto it as he felt nauseous.

"I can hear my own heartbeat again…"

Iwaki could feel his body being compressed together, the walls forming a dark shield around him as the light vanished, this universe of his disappearing as all sound began to vanish. "It hurts." He whimpered, pain eclipsing his mind until-

"Iwaki-shaa…?" a soft whisper broke out from the man's imaginary world, as the aged actor rose to his feet, placing on a false fortress around him to fool the young child.

"Yousuke, what are you doing up? It's much too late for you to be walking about." He kneeled on one knee, the small beauty staring at the floor as the light from Iwaki's lit lamp complimented his gentle golden hair.

The young child simply walked into the older mans arms, as if an act to help Iwaki hear his obscure plea. "Yousuke?" he called once again, but he remained silent.  
"I can't sleep…" he finally spoke, his eyes half shut with exhaustion as the raven haired man grinned gently at this child's obvious falsehood.

"Oh really? Would you like to drink some warm milk then to help you sleep?" Iwaki comforted, picking up Yousuke as he stirred in his arms, his face buried into the older mans wide chest as he muffled his words. "What did you say?"

The five year old raised his head, staring at Iwaki's beautifully dark orbs as he wrapped his small arms around his neck. "Can I sleep with you tonight?"

Iwaki could only hold the nearly unconscious child, grinning happily at his sweet request. "Of course you can Yousuke." Shutting the door behind him, the tall man clicked off the light from the room, laid himself carefully on his mattress, and rested the almost asleep child onto his chest while the subdued blanket towered over them.

"Good night Iwaki-shaa." The young blonde yawned, setting himself comfortable. Iwaki wrapped his right arm around him, making sure the young child wouldn't slip off from his grip.

"_Goodnight, Yousuke."_ He kissed his forehead, watching the child's chest heave up and down as he stirred in his sleep, setting the man below him at ease.

* * *

**I'm going to try my best to upload more than once this week, since after my short vacation, all of my free time will vanish -_- It seems that I'm playing a big part in this Christmas play I'm in, and not only do I have to memorize long, corny lines, but i have to make sure I don't make the audience's ears bleed from my tone deaf singing. **

**I haven't been doing so well, since I feel like I'm going to waste my short vacation. But, If i really wanna cure this plague of procrastination, I have to fix it while I have my spare time. **

**Ahhh, damn stress . I hate saying that I'm busy, and that all this work is taking me over, but it's to be expected when my mind is out of whack. Hmmm, this chapter feels pretty short...Oh well, doesn't matter ^^ **

**But I'm seriously scared o.O Cause now that I notice something, my fanfic still has a LONG way to ago until it finishes. And let's just say, this chapter is much closer to the beginning, than towards the end. **

**Anyways, REVIEW FOR IWAKI TO GET NEW HAPPY PILLS!**


	15. Intoxicating Aroma

**It's Wednesday, it's Wednesday, IT'S WEDNESDAY! :D I've been wanting to update for a while, and I finally can! :) Hope the people reading my fanfic are as excited as I am :D  
**

**Anyways, enjoy chapter 15 of _Distained_**

* * *

_Intoxicating Aroma_

"Take a deep breath, and try to relax." A middle aged man spoke to Iwaki, draped in a stainless coat as cold metal struck the pale actors skin, the raven haired man trying to follow his Doctor's orders easily.

"Alright Iwaki-san, could you answer a few quick questions for me?" Dr. Murasaki asked, his hazel eyes glued upon the paper he was scribbling unknown letters on while the slender actor before him buttoned closed his shirt.

"Of course, go right ahead." He cleared his throat, suddenly feeling light headed as his stomach churned, vacillating emotions raging through his mind like waves crashing upon jagged rocks.

"Have the pills I prescribed to you worked in any slightest notion?"

"Sadly, not a bit."

The doctor raised his head, an eyebrow of his arching as he stared at the lifeless man. "Not at all? These are some of the strongest we offer, are you sure not a single jolt of its effects had changed you?" he was bewildered, nearly unable to believe this information.

Iwaki glanced onto the floor, his stamina decreasing rapidly as the doctor took full notice of his lack of energy. "I apologize, but no matter how many I had taken, nothing seemed to alternate. Also, the sleeping pills I was given are of no use to me. I had nearly absorbed the entire bottle, and sleep has been almost impossible to me."

That would explain for the black circles under his eyes. The doctor remained silent for a second, rubbing the bottom of his freshly shaved chin. "Iwaki-san, would you please step on the balance?"

Dumbstruck, the raven haired man simply stared into thin air, this information only processing to his mind moments after. "Al-Alright." He croaked, dreading the sight he was to see.

Stepping foot on the frigid scale, he swallowed hard, his throat dry as he heard the man beside him hum in thought, as if expecting the results. "Iwaki-san, you've neglected eating, haven't you?"

His blood ran cold as he stepped down effortlessly, avoiding eye contact from Dr. Murasaki. _"Oh god, how much weight had I lost?"_ he screamed in his mind, terrified of the given results as his skin trembled uncontrollably.

"Iwaki-san," he sighed "even an idiot can tell that these are signs that you are facing major depression." The dark haired man paused, the air in the room becoming heavier as Iwaki felt the sensation of suffocation, swallowing away this feeling in fears of the Dr. noticing.

"The strongest pills have no toll on you, your skin color has faded to that of a ghosts, you've had no rest these past days, and _worse _you're starving yourself." He didn't have to be told, he didn't have to be reminded that Iwaki was wasting away; yet…all Iwaki could do was chew on his bottom lip, allowing for this to be lashed back at him.

"Tell me, have you been living alone recently?"

"Relatives have been visiting me here and there." He answered obediently.

"Is anyone with you at this moment?"

"My sister-and-law and her two kids, they've have been here now for three days."

The doctor's occasional hum drowned the room in its vibrations, Iwaki's sensitivity picking up this currency. "Now tell me, how would you spend your free time if no one was present with you?"

Iwaki tried to unlock his muscles defenses. _"This is going to take a while…"_ Facing the doctor, he seated himself in the empty chair to his right. "Since my colleagues had demanded of me to take some time off from work, it seems that all of my free time would be consumed by reading."

"Which would prove the lack of malignant nutrients in your skin." He turned his gaze from the tired actor, as he rummaged through the countless files of the rooms cabinets. "Ah! Here it is." Dr. Murasaki cheered, opening the faint yellow folder as he scanned through each paper held in his hand.

"Iwaki-san, you're not busy tomorrow, are you?"

Confused, the shaken man snapped his head higher, no longer staring on the ground below him. "No," Iwaki gasped "But may I ask why you're wondering?"

"There is this reflection center I sent a few other actors when they were facing depression. I would like for you to go tomorrow, and see if it'll help you in any way. From the past reviews that were given from the place, it does help soothe away pain and exploit bottled up emotions. I recommend you go, and if you dislike what you see than I'll see if I can prescribe more suitable medication to you."

Iwaki became skeptical of the idea that any place could help him.

"What about it, Iwaki-san? Will you take the chance? I believe that it would be for the best." The room grew silent, not a single sound echoing through the actors ear drums as he felt his own heart beat, filling his body with unarticulated life.

Standing on his feet, the raven haired man raised his glare from the jars of cotton balls and a paper box of latex gloves. "Alright," he answered, hoping that we wouldn't regret these words. "I'll go."

.

.

.

The night fog helped cool Iwaki's flustered mind, wrapping around him like a blanket as he stood in front of his destinations entrance, hesitant in stepping foot of the suspicious establishment. Youko had been informed of his night plans here, and the call assuring that he would arrive at this time had been verified. Yet…something did not sit well with this place. It could just be the fact that the raven haired man had become abrupt by the slightest movement, or that every shred of information took time for him to believe.

Exhaling a moist cloud of breath, Iwaki shut his eyes softly, as if trying to void his mind of this burdening worry. "No use standing here for another five minutes," he spoke in a soothing tone, nearly croaking his words "On the count of three, I should be inside."

His skin began to dance with fear, dragging his foot in front of him as it moved like concrete, sliding open his ghastly eyes while it complimented the nights darkness. "One…" progress began to be made, as he drew closer to the metal doors.

"Two…" he clenched his fists, trying to console his weary feelings.

"Three!" Iwaki nearly barged for the door, opening it with caressing hands as he popped his head inside, the sweet aroma enticing his strucken nerves as he felt his limbs go numb. Stepping inside professionally, Iwaki placed on a perfect façade as someone glanced his way.

"Iwaki-san! It's great that you're finally here." A man a few years younger than him greeted, extending an arm as he shook the other mans hand with warmness, his skin a bit tanned and his hair a soft blonde

"Hello, and your name is…?"

"Renji, but you could call me Ren for short." It felt as if looking at the man before him hurt Iwaki. Who ever knew there was a thing as someone being _to handsome_?

"I had recently talked to your doctor, ensuring if you were arriving today." He began, as Ren guided the older man towards a long, yet calming corridor that was flooded with paintings of every shape and size. One gave that of a blue sunset that had entwined the colors of purple, black, and a few smears of red here and there where the ocean rested.

"_I've never seen such art before."_ Iwaki thought to himself, nearly hypnotized in each painting's artistry. Another one seemed to catch his eye. It had consisted of what seemed to be a young child, which seemed to have two opened doors before her. The one to her left had a young couple standing together, the sun complimenting the wife's golden locks, while the door to her right was covered in a bloody mess, human limbs across every corner of the light-less room as murder sunk onto the air.

These drawings seemed a bit…_depressing_. Iwaki was unsure if it was the choice in drawing, or if it was simply the crafted masterpieces inner beauty. "Iwaki-san." Ren called out to the absent-minded man beside him, as a chuckle escaped his lips.

"It seems someone has an eye for creativity." He spoke, finally snapping the raven haired man back to reality.

"Ah, sorry about that."

Another grin was given to the uneasy actor. "No need to apologize, I noticed that everyone seems to react the same to all of this." He pointed out, glancing over to the accustomed picture of a teenage girl intoxicating herself with pain, until eventually this knife of hers would take away her life.

"If you don't mind me asking…" Iwaki began "But why are all these pictures so-"

"Upsetting? Despair ridden? Something meant for mental institutions instead?" he spoke jollily, and that smug expression of his continued to remain unchanged!

"…Exactly." The tall man hesitated for a second or two, as he heard Ren gasp in relief.

"Here's the room! I was starting to feel as if we were lost." He took hold of the key in his pocket, pulling out the silver metal as he entered it into the doors lock, turning it efficiently as he switched on the rooms light.

"Iwaki-san, this is where you're going to spend your time." He explained "Come in, no need to be shy." Renji invited, as the paralyzed actor dragged his feet into the light colored room, unable to make out what was to be expected.

"I'll be lighting some candles, do you mind?" he brought out his lighter, the young man about to set it to the center of the fragrant wax.

"Of course not, do as you like." Iwaki searched the room, the walls a fairly pale blue, as the ceiling became as dark as the seas surface. Taking a seat at the furniture that resembled that of something used for Therapy, he took his seat while he unwrapped his coat from his shoulders; trying to unscramble his mind of weariness.

"_I wonder how long this will last…" _he couldn't help but feel anxious, since this was the first time in almost two week he had stepped foot outside of his sanctuary's walls.

"Now then…" Renji started, shutting closed the door as he switched the lights off, the flickering fire of the candles proving as Iwaki's only source for brightness. "What do you think will happen next, Iwaki-san?"

He remained silent for a bit, trying to shake off the intoxicating aromas effect. "Honestly…I don't know." His mind somehow began to achieve tranquility, and his limbs grew limb as he fought the urge to close his eyes.

"You're uneasy, I can tell." Renji pointed out, taking a seat at the available chair close to Iwaki. "But don't worry, this is simply something to help ease your mind. From the second I saw you peer into this building, I knew you were wondering if this would be something you'll regret."

That was exactly the thought that had pondered into his shattered mind, there was no need to hide it. "Each room in this building has different uses. For instance, the rooms close to the top floor are saunas, if anyone wishes to clean away all this earthly dirt, while the ones on the 3rd floor help release the tension in your muscles, by giving you a massage." He paused, Iwaki's chest heaving up and down easily as he stared to the ceiling. "From what you doctor told me, you were hesitant in coming here, and my observations proved the same results. So I decided, that this room would be the best for you, since this simply to help clear your mind, and help unlock those shut doors you've stowed away, by using aroma therapy."

Renji explained, hoping the older man before him would understand. "You can leave whenever you wish, there is nothing holding you back, but I strongly recommend you to stay." Not a sound came out from Iwaki, his eyes simply remained glued on that single noticeable crack, towards the bottom right of the ceiling.

"You can open up to me anytime you'd like, and I understand how fragile you are at a time like this, your lover being dead for eleven days and seventeen hours."

"_Eleven days, __**eighteen**__ hours, and forty-two minutes." _Iwaki fought off the urge to correct, but he kept his mouth shut, biting his tongue as to not utter a word.

"Iwaki-san…" Renji began, trying to deepen their bond. "You understand that you're not alone. I know that you had lost Katou before your very eyes, but understand that this is simply normal. It would be wrong for me to tell you to just get over it and look for a brighter tomorrow, when I know for a fact that these words are as helpful as a man using a stick to defend himself from a grizzly bear." The raven-haired man continued to deny eye contact. "But you're not the only person here who lost someone you can't live without." Iwaki's gray eyes snapped open, as he fiddled with his slender fingers.

"I won't go into detail, but once she passed away, I had preferred being a part of the dead than that of the living. I tried every possible way of suicide, yet that only sent me to a mental institution." The blonde paused, denying the urge to release a sigh. "And it didn't take until over two years for them to release me without still going insane. This may seem useless to tell you, but I just want to let you know that you shouldn't invite this depression into your life, but try and understand for a fact that eventually, whether it takes years for this angst to fully disappear, or if it even leaves behind a scar that you'll _always _know is there, at least keep in mind that Katou wouldn't want you to stay like this. After all, your pain is his pain, right?"

Iwaki could fell a large lump begin to form into his throat, as he blinked away his upcoming tears. At this moment, he had been surrounded by everything he tried to hide away. He felt as if he was vulnerable, and after his past life changing experience, he didn't truly know if Renji was someone he could trust.

His voice brought a bit of ease to his mind, and in all he seemed like a sincere person. But…Iwaki knew better than to trust someone based on their appearance. After all, he knew more than anyone that a façade could be used easily to fool even the most cautious of people. Yet, for some reason, all of this did not seem to apply to Iwaki at this moment.

"Things will _never_ be the same for me…"

He had managed to croak, the air surrounding the broken man as Iwaki allowed hot tears stream down the side of his face, while he prepared himself to open up to the man beside him. Not a single sob had echoed through the room, all that could be heard was the raven-haired mans captivating voice send sound waves across each candle lit corner, as Renji would occasionally pass the overwhelmed man a box of tissues, while he continually listened without a shred of annoyance or boredom.

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**Anyways, UGH, It's only Wednesday night =.= Honestly, this week is taking its damn time to finish up D:**

**Hehehe, I think this was the longest chapter I've posted up so far :] Which makes me happy, since I found chapter 14 a HUGE disappointment, due to the fact that it was just some filler to destroy this void ^^ Also, thanks for the reviews, and please continue doing so since it really puts a smile on my face :3**

**REVIEW FOR A SMILE ON IWAKI-SANS FACE! :D**


	16. Not Every Door Completely Shuts Close

**Finally, here is the long awaited chapter 16 ;) Blame my laziness for not updating earlier XD**

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_Not Every Door Completely Shuts Close_

"Ugh," the blonde woman grunted. "I'm sorry for the sudden news Iwaki-san, I had completely forgotten that Yousuke starts school tomorrow!" Youko cried out, running from one end of the house to the other in order to make the airport on time.

"It's fine, you've already helped me quite a bit by this visit." Iwaki cracked a smile, aiding the flustered mother prepare her bags.

The tall, slender man folded accordingly Yousuke's shirts and pants, placing them neatly into his large green duffle bag, as Youko stared deeply at the man beside her.

"Iwaki-san…" she called out softly, only to stare down onto the sheeting of the bed, her nails digging into her palm as she formed her hand into a fist.

The actor had adjusted his head in order to look back at the trembling mother, smirking gently at the shaken woman. "Don't worry, I'll be fine on my own." he reassured her, going back to fulfilling his duty.

"Hmph," she rumbled, "You still can't stop me from worrying, you were practically the walking dead when I saw you." She shook her head, as she zipped closed the last bag that was to be packed. Youko didn't want to leave, she knew for a fact that this was something she should have tried harder to prevent

"Why so serious?" the raven-haired man chuckled, snapping out the blonde woman from her trance, as Iwaki took hold of the bags that were finished with. "I'll bring this down stairs for you, and I'll return shortly."

She watched the handsome man trail down the stair case, as she exhaled a deep sigh. "I wonder what happened when he went to that Reflection Center…"It remained a mystery, for the ominous main returned home in the dead of night, with a neutral expression on his face.

"_Iwaki-san, you're home late! Did something happen? Are you alright? It was pouring outside, you might get sick!" _The frantic mother recalled herself worrying, but the man before hers next words traveled through her like toxic venom.

The drenched actor remained silent; he had simply staggered past the confused mother, as he calmly adjusted himself to sit properly onto the leather covered sofa.

He stared intensely at the walls lifeless exterior, as if contemplating several thoughts at once. "_I didn't think it'd work..."_ Iwaki finally spoke, breaking the silence that bound Youko to her dumbstruck expression. After countless attempts of motivating the raven-haired man from his seat, it seemed as if Iwaki's mind had been present someone where else. His gaze seemed empty, yet a trace of relief seemed to float ominously.

Instead, Youko left the deep in thought man, turned up the heater as far as it could, and placed several blankets over him. Returning to her room, she stopped at the top of the staircase to leave one last glance onto the motionless man.

Reaching into her small, brand named purse, Youko dug non stopped until she gripped the small piece of metal, flipping open her cell phone. "Maybe someone could keep him company after we leave…" she spoke to herself, speed dialing an old friend.

Iwaki stepped cautiously down the staircase, as he planted the three bags down near the front door, straightening his back as he turned his gaze to the living room. "Yousuke, are you ready? The cab will be here soon."

Instead of finding the always curious child, Iwaki watched unwanted transparent tears wash upon the blonde's rosy cheeks. He had not stopped in front of the older man, but instead gripped tightly onto his pants fabric.

Yousuke was too adorable, even when he was fighting the urge to continue his unwanted crying. His faint sniffling rang through Iwaki's ears, as the professional actor crouched down to the young beauty. "Yousuke, what's wrong?" the older man spoke, noticing the lack of contact the blonde beauty expressed.

"Iwaki-shaa…" he cried, nearly running into Iwaki's wide chest as he weeped broken heartedly into his right shoulder. "I'm gonna mish you." He spoke in between sobs, as his fingers wrapped around the man's turquoise colored shirt.

All that the aged actor could do was console the young child, and hold him tightly as his caressing voice tickled his ears. "Don't worry Yousuke, you'll see me again." He would grin, feeling his small head nod in response, as he sniffled continuously.

"Iwaki-san, the cab I called is here." Youko spoke, locking each bag as she glanced out the window, ready to head for the door. "Yousuke, are you ready?" she called out, while Iwaki gave the blonde one last hug before his departure, trying to wipe away his tears.

The small family had exited the house, as Iwaki loaded their luggage into the trunk of the taxi, prepared to bid them each a farewell.

"Goodbye Yousuke, be good to your mother, you hear?"

He nodded in response once again, glancing up at the captivating actor. "You shouldn't cry, since you'll see me again." Iwaki grinned, trying to exhort Yousuke, as he stood back onto his feet.

"You'll be OK on your own, right?"

Another smirk emerged from the raven-haired man's face. "I'll stay strong." He spoke gently.

"Now you do understand that I'll be calling you frequently, right? I don't want to find out that you're back to starving yourself and locking yourself up in that reading room, alright?"

All that could be expelled was a chuckle from Iwaki's lips. "I'll try, I'll try." He reassured her, staring at baby Taro fiddle with his toes.

"Hey, Youko," Iwaki called out. "Would you mind if I hold Taro one more time? The last few times he would just squirm in my arms, crying. Do you think I could have one last chance?" he asked, a bit anxious to see if this chance would result just like every other ending.

"Of course! Go on ahead." She handed him the fragile boy, as Iwaki reached out for the small child. He took hold of Taro's body, his skin caressing against Iwaki's hands and arms, as he remained calm.

"_So far so good…"_ He thought, as he adjusted the infant in his arms, glad that no cries had been heard yet. They remained like that for a while, until the actor's heart raced with adoration at the soft giggles Taro was giving to him.

It wasn't until he had been released from his arms did the young child cry, wailing his arms from side to side for the touch of the older man. "You don't know how relieved I am to see that he hasn't cried at you, but now it'll be a hassle since it seems he really wants to be with you." Youko laughed, trying to soothe her now feisty baby.

"Bye Iwaki-san, take care." She kissed his cheek, following Yousuke inside the cab as she held Taro in her arms carefully, her arms wrapped around him motherly, as she fastened her seatbelt.

"Bai bai Iwaki-shaa! I love you!" the raven-haired man could hear Yousuke exclaim, as they slowly vanished from sight, only ceasing his waving until they were no longer visible.

The slender man stretched his exhausted muscles, as he took one last inhale of the fresh air before heading back inside. "Home alone once again." Iwaki sighed, closing the gate of his sanctuary as the wooden door clanked shut.

The sane actor simply stood there, brushing his fingers past his hair as he glared cautiously at the phone that rested a few feet away from him. Walking leisurely to the piece of technology, he dialed the number that was written on a crumpled slip of paper, checking twice before he dared to press _Call_.

Iwaki remained motionless, the ringing of the line drowning out any other sounds, as he jolted from the voice of his new companion.

"Hey Iwaki-san! I didn't think you'd ever call me." Renji spoke joyfully, the aged actor imagining his accustomed smile spread across his face.

"Hello Renji, how are you?"

"Eh, I've been better. I lost my car keys and I've been searching for them all morning." He sighed, flipping through papers and opening cabinets as he swallowed the urge to curse out at his inconvenience.

"Oh, than if you're bust I'll ju-"

"Huh? I'm sorry Iwaki-san! Did you need something? Talk to me." The blonde encouraged, taking a seat in the living room of his condo as the line grew dead.

He waited, and after moments of sheer silence, he spoke up once again. "Iwaki-san? You're still there, right?"

"Renji…" Iwaki grew terribly shy, past memories suddenly haunting him as he shut his eyes, trying to regulate his breathing. "When….is the next time that I can go over to the Reflection Center?"

His bashfulness made the man on the other line smile in amusement, ready to tear the place down if he needed to to find his much needed keys.

"Iwaki-san, I'll meet you there in an hour, my entire after noon is pretty vacant!" he laughed into the line, as a gentle warmness began to circulate the older mans nerves.

"Thanks…" was all he could say, and he placed the piece of technology back onto it's receiver right after they said their goodbyes, Iwaki checking the time as he took his seat onto the sofa, put his alarm fifteen minutes before his awaited scheduled meeting with Renji, and opened up his fresh new novel into the first page.

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**Hope all of you had a great Holiday and an amazing New Years ^^ 2011, make sure to treat us right 3**

**REVIEW TO CONTINUE ON WITH THE _REAL_ PLOT :D (Curious? You'd better be *evil laugh*)  
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	17. Some Things are Better Left Unknown

**Did you all think I forgot about this fanfic? :3 Sorry I haven't update since January, I've been really stuck on how to fix this entire chapter xP Sorry for the delay, hope you enjoy~!**

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_Some Things are Better Left Unknown_

"Add two spoons full of sugar, and mix thoroughly." Iwaki read smoothly, doing as it instructed him as he glanced at the time, smiling faintly. _"If I put the dough in the oven by 6:45, it'll be done in no time." _he thought to himself, placing the mushy substance into its destination as he adjusted the heat to its needed amount, grabbing a clean towel to wipe away all the past ingredients from his finger tips.

After a few moments of cleaning up the small mess, he landed himself on the soft surface of the living room couch, Iwaki laying his head back as he exhaled away his exhaustion, listening to the faint sound of his watch expel a rhyme that remained a dull melody, his eyes drifting closed as the vision around him simply blurred to nothing but darkness.

Nothing could be seen, but the sound of a clock began turning. _Tick, tock, tick, tock_ it continuously rang, nothing more than the bland rhythm being heard. Iwaki's eyes narrowed down on a small box of cigarettes, flipping open the lid gently as he pulled out one of his new addictions, taking the lighter out of his pocket as he flicked it until a bright flame emerged.

He inhaled a long, time consuming puff as he let the smoke eclipse his lungs, only releasing it until he felt satisfied at the intoxicating sensation. _"Iwaki-san, I advice you don't grow a habit of smoking."_ he remembered Renji's first reaction when he noticed the raven-haired mans fingers wrapped onto the slim object.

His lips curved slightly at the handsome mans reaction. _"Don't worry, there's nothing to fear, Renji-san."_ Iwaki remembered himself speak in a calm voice, flicking the dead bud to the floor as he stepped on it, retreating back to his car as he gave his new companion a farewell goodnight.

The house was quiet, nothing was heard except for the exhaling sound of Iwaki's cigarette smoke, finishing the small buds quickly until he had found himself opening a new pack.

"**Smoking isn't good for your health, Iwaki-san."**A cold voice rang within the pale mans ear drums, the sinister man only a few steps behind his target.

The timid actor didn't bother to turn around; instead, he remained frozen; trying to regulate his breathing as he snarled at the approaching face of his enemy. "What are you doing here?" Iwaki demanded, hissing to the unwanted man's presence.

Taro smiled egoistically, "Just here to check out how my beloved Iwaki-san is doing." He smiled innocently, taking a seat in front of his most treasured play toy as he stared deeply into the eyes he would always come to love, enjoying these moments since the ghastly gray orbs Iwaki possessed had instead been changed into a demonic murderous pair.

_**"**__**LEAVE!" **_ The furious man growled, noticing the man before him leisurely take a smoke from his freshly opened container.

"Calm down, I'm just here to see if you've been spending anymore sleepless nights crying over Katou's death." He lighted his bud, smiling back at the distraught man once he had exhaled his first puff. "Seems like you're doing fine," he reassured "Or well, _trying_ to seem fine I should say." He spat out in a devilish tone, Iwaki snarling at his incompetence.

The aged actors blood began to boil, he _hated_ the fact that at this very moment, he was sharing the same room, the same time, the same air with the murderer of his other half...It was strange, shouldn't Iwaki be searching for revenge? _Revenge_...the sweet venom that eclipses peoples minds to the fullest, hypnotizing them until the deed has been done...Surely committing such an act would help suffice at least a portion of Iwaki's inner void. It would bring a hint of satisfaction, leaving a sweet taste in his mouth that no other berry could compare to. The only problem was, that he'd have to be as cunning and devious as the man before him, most likely even more! This all took some careful planning, a patient mind, and the approval of getting his own hands dirty. This thought made the older man refuse the act of trying to form a smile, so as not to make Taro suspicious.

"Iwaki-san, can I ask you something?"

The raven-haired man crushed his no longer useful tool into his ash tray. "Why bother asking me if you're going to demand an answer anyway." He rolled his eyes, trying to conjure up a plan to make this man disappear.

"Why are you trying to pretend you're OK?" he stared intently, his eyes cold daggers as they sunk into Iwaki's mind and soul.

"I'm not pretending..." The thirty-four year old coughed, trying to place on a professional persona. "Crap, there's no deceiving him..." he thought disappointingly, wondering how that man could read his soul, even after masking every action of his body as to show that that incident was indeed nothing more than the past.

"Oh, really?" Taro tilted his head to the side, his eyes opening wide. "Well, I just want to give you some advice, Iwaki-san," he took one last smoky inhale of his already finished treat. Edging closer to the tense man, he whispered in his ear, "Sooner or later, this act of yours will end, and you'll have no choice but to crawl back into the life of tears and suicidal attempts." His harsh words felt like rotten steel piercing Iwaki's flesh, while Taro stared deep into his dolls misty gaze, watching as they began to form a cloud of worry. "Both you and I know it, since visiting that Reflection Center everyday isn't helping you at all." He paused, standing up as he reached the exit.

"Actually, it's only making things worse."

Iwaki tried to regulate his breathing once again, forcing himself to remain neutral after his enemies ruthless words, denying the fact that he would fall victim to him _again_. "You're wrong..." Iwaki spoke out, his voice nothing more than a faint sound, but that didn't stop the brown haired man from turning back, obviously hearing what the now visibly shaken actor said, raising an eye brow at his spineless response.

"You're wrong!" he repeated a second time, this time his comeback a loud shriek as his hands formed into a tight fist, his nails digging into his flesh as his head hung low. The atmosphere felt intoxicating, the only sound that could be heard was once again from Iwaki's wrist watch, Taro's gaze only sending frigid vibes down the older mans back.

"Is that so?" His voice was low and in the tone of a growl, his chocolate colored eyes freezing the air around him as he stepped back, his footsteps loud thuds against Iwaki's eardrums. "Then answer me this..." he edged closer, nose to nose against the older man as the two locked eyes, the seconds feeling endless as the raven-haired man finally turned away from Taro's intense glare. "**_How_** can you be 'happy' if the person who brought you that happiness is no longer here? _How_ can you _not_ be miserable when only a month has passed after his demise? _How_ can you not have enough courage to decide whether or not you want to have revenge against me or not?" Taro asked, merciless in his words as he edged closer to the frozen man's left ear.

"Tell me Iwaki..." he hushed softly, a trail of goosebumps forming upon the flesh of the older man. "How?"

With that said, he picked himself up from his position and opened the front door easily, leaving his victims home without making another sound. It seemed so…weird. There was no sexual harassment during his visit, no lingering moments where he had enjoyed tormenting the weak man with humor. Instead he left behind words that had cut deeper into Iwaki than the blade he used as comfort on the twelfth day after Katou's department.

He slid his long sleeve down his arm, uncovering a barrage of scars as he spoke softly "Just now," he stared at the horrid injuries "he inflicted more pain in me than all of these combined..."

.

.

.

"He came to your house?" Renji nearly shrieked in the cream colored room of the Center, chocking on his fresh coffee as the shaken man before him rejected any sort of contact, quietly sipping his java from the porcelain mug that was wrapped around his slender fingers, unsure of how to react to all of this. "Iwaki-san, I don't get it…" the blonde haired beauty muttered "Why won't you turn him into the police for murdering Katou? You already know that the paparazzi were outraged by your silence, but aren't you having any second thoughts in any of this?" he asked, his eyes shimmering with concern and confusion while he stared intently at the older mans distressed expression, watching as Iwaki's bottom lip quivered with fear, his eyes a glossy mirror of worry.

Iwaki stood there, analyzing his situation. It had been almost a month after that fateful night…It wouldn't be too late to confess his lovers murderer, but for some reason his skin crawled at this thought. He didn't understand why, but there was that icy feeling that paralyzed him if he had decided to do something unexpected. He knew for a fact, without having to be told or shown in any sort of way, that he would be sure to pay…

The younger man exhaled a loud sigh, shaking his head slightly. "Sometimes, I wish I could understand you, Iwaki-san..." he looked deeply into the former actor's eyes, his expressionless eyes yearning for answers; this intensity forcing the raven-haired mans cheeks to fade into a soft petal this interrogation that he had been facing this past month eating him alive? If only he could help, if only Renji had known a spell that could return everything back to normal. To cause this turn of events to have never happened; for Katou's life to still be present, for that mysterious man that had been haunting his client to vanish, and more importantly...for Iwaki to be happy.

"You're such a mystery."

That night, Iwaki couldn't sleep. He lied awake in bed, the thin fabric of his blanket sticking close to his body, trying to gain comfort from its soft exterior. "Katou…" he heard himself speak softly, his voice nothing more than a faint whisper "What would you do?"

There were various reasons on why he _should_ confess, but then again, what would happen if he did? That cunning bastard, Taro, could easily escape the police. After all, he was incredible at predicting people's moves and he could also be as stealthy as a cat, escaping from them into the gates of darkness where he would stay hidden for as long as he pleased. Iwaki tried to weigh down his reasons on both positions, but whenever the thought of him actually taking action popped up into his head, his stomach churned and his breathing became uneasy.

After an hour of contemplation, the weak man had decided to push the topic aside until the next morning. _Everything happens for a reason, _he recited softly to himself, his eyes drifting close as if a sunset that was soon meant to disappear, but the hard sound of his phones vibration against the wooden stand jolted away his drowsiness.

"Who could it be so late at night?" Iwaki grumbled to himself, rubbing his weary eyes with his slender index finger as he checked the collar-ID. _Shimizu-san?_ he read, flipping his phone open as he pressed gently on the green button, greeting his manager.

"Shimizu-san, is something wrong? It's nearly four am." The tired actor spoke, restraining a yawn, the line dead quiet for a few moments.

"TV…" another sudden pause was given right after that word "Iwaki-san, check the TV…" she muttered softly, the confused actor almost unable to understand her. "NOW!" she demanded, the raven-haired beauty stepping out of his bed abashed, a cold rush of air slamming into his body as he ached for the warmth of his mattress and blankets.

"Shimizu-san, calm down. Do you mind explaining to me what exactly is wrong?" the gray eyed being inquired, but his manager refused to answer. Was this situation really that terrible, that she was at a loss for words?

"Just…turn the TV onto _Uncovered_…"

"_Uncovered?" _Iwaki reflected. "Shimizu-san, that show is exclusively meant for celebrity drama and gossip that is taken much more seriously than just simple affairs and acting replacements, since the content of that show is mostly rated R due to the fact that they would occasionally reveal the gruesome details of the recently popular sex tapes and who starred in it, so why would this involve me?" he asked. Dammit, what was going on? It would surely take a lot for his composed manager to be unable to answer him, and call him in the middle of the night. Finally, he had reached the bottom of the stair case as he heard faint moans expelling from the living room table, along with the blinding light from an unknown laptop screen.

Iwaki hastily walked towards the intense source of radiation, as a bolt of electricity coursed through his body like venom, his eyes nearly unable to comprehend what they had been shown.

"_Ah…ah…no, please…stop!" _he watched himself moan, his tattered clothes across the dark cement of the warehouse as he watched himself being penetrated, his hands being tied down with ropes as his gray orbs shot open, his mouth ajar as his hand lost all grip of his phone, a loud thud muted from his ear drums as he heard his mournful cries being played on the video, unable to remove his frightful eyes from the fact that he had been watching himself being raped.

"Iwaki-san…this footage was taken on the night of Katou's death!" Shimizu screamed on the phone line, but again the aged actor could not hear anything except from the contents of this video, his breath being caught in his throat, as a note was left folded besides the coal colored laptop.

"_And to think, we had started to lose hope in finding out the truth to what happened on the night Youji Katou had been murdered. Since his lover, Kyousuke Iwaki, had refused to inform the police on any details concerning this atrocity, we remain grateful to the anonymous person who had sent us this video just earlier tonight!"_

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**I wonder who sent the video to the Paparazzi...? _hehehe_ Again, sorry for not updating fast enough, it pisses me off when someone doesn't update their fanfic in months, cause it makes me feel as if it was abandoned . Don't worry! _Distained _hasn't been abandoned, it just has a crappy owner XD You know, I should really make each chapter longer, cause or else this fanfic might end in chapter 60 or something xP**

**REVIEW TO FIND OUT WHO SENT THE VIDEO! **

**(and for me to update more often)**


	18. Transparent Lies

**Ok, this time laziness wasn't the reason for not uploading, the firetruckin computer made it impossible for me to get online! *rage mode* And I was ready to post last week~! *cries* Anyways, enjoy chapter 18 my darlings! :3**

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_Transparent Lies_

Glass shattered, tears were shed; Iwaki was unable to calm himself from this atrocity. Gripping the laptops cover, her hurled it onto the computers screen, watching as its discarded pieces flew upon the air before him, his eyes glowing red with rage as he screamed to the top of his lungs, digging his nails deep inside the flesh of his wrists, until his anger had been swept away by a rush of nausea.

Dashing the bathroom, the raven-haired man through his head into the toilet, his fingers clutching its bowl as he released his load, chocking and heaving until his breathing had finally regulated back to normal. He couldn't move; it was as if bricks had been weighed down every inch of his entire body, barely having enough strength to even keep his eyes open.

.

.

.

"Iwaki-san, from what I've found out, that video of yours was sent to the studio of _Uncovered_ several hours before they aired this episode, with nothing more than an envelope that held all the evidence and a note that had the date of when it was taken. I just recently asked a good friend of mine to remove all evidence of it by destroying the tape, which he seems to agree since he really admires you Iwaki-san, and he finds it wrong for them to show such a personal video... Hopefully he's already done so, but unfortunately several links have the raw edition to this, so efficiently removing it online is asking for the impossible…" Shimizu reported to her distraught client, her voice unsteady from the fact that she had been running around her home, trying to think of new ways to help her President.

"Also, _Uncovered_ had not shown anything except for that one short scene, while for the rest of the episode they were speaking about your currently unknown situation, and how this would awaken the public by this videos muddy exterior. Lucky the show decided to not _show_ the entire tape like they did with Yomiko Soto's situation last year, but everything people want to see from this can be easily found online."

"I see…" was all the weak man could say, his eyes darkened with black circles from last nights problem. He sighed; so much for trying to live a happier life…He had only managed to grab an hour of sleep when he collapsed at six am from his lack of potency. Iwaki felt putrid, not from the fact that he spent most of his time emptying his stomach and his head held low inside a privy, but that the paparazzi and public would now realize what had happened that dreadful night. There was no escaping it, not trying to bend the truth, evidence was right in front of them, and nothing could prevent that!

"Sadly, I was informed that no evidence can be used _against_ or _adjacent_ to this situation, since every face inside this video had been blurred out, along with the voices of these men removed. The only thing that _could_ be seen and heard accordingly was _your_ face and voice." She emphasized. Iwaki couldn't seem to find anyway that the appearance of that video could help him. Then again, there's no way that it would be shown to those gossip hungry paparazzi, since anyway of finding out the murder of his lover would be unlikely.

"Shimizu-san," Iwaki spoke out, "Do you know around what time the first leak of that video had reached the internet?" he asked, trying to remember from last night if he was watching it from a computer player, or if it was by a website instead.

"About an hour after I called you, I suppose."

"Just as I thought..." Iwaki whispered.

"Huh? What do you mean?" Shimizu called out, as the deep-in-thought actor narrowed his eyes at the mess he made last night, wondering if the laptop he nearly destroyed could still be used…

"Shimizu-san, I need to make a quick call. Call me if you have found out any other information that can help in this situation."

"Of course, Iwaki-san! But do you mind telling me why you asked that question so suddenly?"

The slender man arose from his seat, stepping closer to the scene of dismembered glass. "Just trying to see if the piece fits into the puzzle...I'll get back to you later Shimizu-san, bye." He fare welled, closing his phone shut as he reached out to the now unworkable laptop, watching as a small light from its keyboard proved that its circuits would soon be forever destroyed. Standing up, Iwaki headed upstairs, climbing the steps effortlessly as he twisted the knob of his bedroom, rummaging through the drawers as he found what he needed; swallowing hard as he stared at Katou's cell phone.

"_I still miss you…" _he thought to himself, fighting the desire to cry as he flipped open the device, taking a deep breath as his eyes locked onto his past lovers wallpaper, the most recent picture taken of the two love birds together. Their heads were tilted together as the famous blonde placed a gentle kiss on his older companion, being rewarded with Iwaki's accustomed shyness, as his cheeks were painted with the soft color of cherry blossoms. It was hard to concentrate when you felt as if there was lead trapped in your chest, but again, the raven-haired mans longing wish to be alongside his deceased lover was pushed aside for another time. Right now, there was unfinished business to be attended.

He searched through Katou's last calls, and came across the number he needed. His skin was itching with hatred, but again he swallowed hard in order for the lump in his throat to vanish; pressing his finger to the CALL button as the phone began to ring, the aged actor bringing the piece of technology to his right ear.

"Oh my, I didn't think I would get a call for _you_, Iwaki-san." A devious voice spoke into the phone, as the agitated man tried to contain his steady voice.

"There are things we have to discuss." He said, trying to keep this call simple and straight to the point.

"Dearest me, _why_ would the all famous Iwaki-san, want anything to do with _me_?" Taro melodramatically asked, a vein twitching at the actor's temple as he inhaled cool air, and exhaled a portion of his anger.

"You know damn well why I called you, Taro." He spat out, his eyes filled with anger as Iwaki gripped Katou's phone fiercely.

"Shouldn't someone show me a little more respect? After all, you'd obviously _need_ something if you were calling me right now." The sinister man emphasized, his playful mood gone as he spoke these words with intensity.

There was no hiding it, he was right…When Iwaki had watched the full video that was submitted, nothing could have been used against Taro! Instead, all the footage that had been sent was simply of the aged actor being violated, stripped of not only his clothes but also his dignity. It was vile, such degrading videos made Iwaki want to spill his guts onto the floor, but doing so wouldn't change anything…It was still early, so no paparazzi had arrived in front of his home, but in a few hours his sanctuary would surely be covered.

"We should discuss this in person, why don't you come over for a while, since I'd rather do this face to face." He finally spoke, the phone line no longer dead as Iwaki broken the silence.

He could hear the hum of Taro's voice as he said those few words. "You're inviting me? Well, I surely would be a fool to decline," he spoke hauntingly. "Alright, I'll be there tonight at around nine o' clock, Iwaki-san, since I have an important meeting to attend to today." And with that said, the call had ended without a single farewell. Instead, Iwaki simply shut closed Katou's phone, placed it back onto its rightful place, and collapsed onto his lover's bed, hugging tightly his pillow as he prayed that this was the right thing to do.

.

.

.

"Thanks for having me over." The pretentious man spoke, removing his shoes as he entered Iwaki's home easily, the older man leading him into the living room where he handed him a hot cup of coffee, refusing to speak a word until the appropriate moment. "Someone's being a good host."Taro sang gently, accepting the mug happily as he took a drink of its smooth taste, savoring these moments of silence as his lips curled into a devious grin.

"That tape…" Iwaki began, his back turned to his younger guest. "Why did you send it?" his voice was sturdy but low, ashamed to even face Taro as he asked the short question.

"I believe someone's being a little unfair," the brown-haired man shrugged "Why do you believe _I'm _the one who did it?" His sly tone caused Iwaki to grit his teeth, not in the mood for such childish questions from the man he considered the devil. "But then again, I would be lying to my sweet Iwaki-san if I said I _wasn't_ the person who sent it." A rough chuckle escaped from his throat, enjoying the heavy atmosphere that surrounded the two. "I love how the ratings on _Uncovered _shot high last night cause of the footage." He purred right next to Iwaki's ear, the furious actor's blood boiling as he stepped forward, trying to gain some space around Taro.

"You've already ruined my life enough…" the shaken man spoke, thoughts of murdering the menacing man a few steps behind him. "Why did you simply submit the footage of me being _raped_, instead of Katou being abolished, the faces were blurred out, the voices were muted, you could have gotten away with it if you wanted to even _with_ the proof right in front of society's face, so _why_?" Iwaki wanted to apprehend… He was aching to know, was this all just meant to get under his skin? Or something deeper than that…? Iwaki couldn't stand it, _why?_

"First of all, you did seem to enjoy all those men inside you, Iwaki-san." Taro pointed out acrimoniously.

_**CRASH! **_

"Don't fuck with me, Taro!" Iwaki blared, a harsh collision eclipsing the room with sound as he hurdled his coffee cup where the younger man was once standing, the stealthy villain easily avoiding the blow as it exploded onto the wall; its remains scattered upon the floor as it dented the wall very noticeably. "You've RUINED my life! You murdered the one who kept my heart, my soul, and you dare say I _enjoyed _being penetrated by those bastards, while the love of my life could only watch, cursing at himself for not being able to help me?"

Iwaki's breathing was heavy; his mind was a foggy mirror of oppression and his hands shook with despair. No…he couldn't show his weak side, but it seemed already too late for that…

The only sound that could be heard in this room was Iwaki's hyperventilation, his left wrist itching as he writhed at the sensation, Taro's cold eyes analyzing his every move. With a movement so quick, the silent man wrapped his fingers around the gray eyed actors hair, taking a handful as he dragged his doll up the stairs, ignoring his pleas as he opened the bathroom door and shoved him into the shower, his head banging hardly on the wall while Taro turned the knob of the water to the left, icy cold rain showering Iwaki's body as the merciless man stared down on him at a dry spot.

"If I 'ruined' your life, if I stole the life of the person who had your 'heart' and 'soul', answer me _this_ Iwaki-san…" his eyes shinned with displeasure and his voice was hard and rough. "Why aren't you dead yet?" Taro seemed malicious, as his eyes were glued on Iwaki's soaking body, his clothes sticking to his flesh as the older man could only gawk at his enemy.

"I-"

"It makes no sense!" He interrupted, Iwaki now weak and fragile as he listened to Taro reprimand him. "Those cut marks on your wrist," He stated, grabbing his pale arm as he pulled down the raven-haired mans long sleeve, uncovering red streaks of self inflicted wounds. "If that damned Center was helping you, you wouldn't have done this! If you _loved_ Katou as much as you claimed, then you would have killed yourself the second you knew he was gone!"

The aged actor could only open his mouth in response as it shut back closed.

"_Why_ do you continue seeing Renji, do you love that man? Does he bring you hope? If Katou is the only one who can bring you such fulfillment, how can you try and seek that in someone _besides_ him?" he stopped, his voice lighter as he spoke slowly "Let me guess, you're falling in love with that Renji man, aren't you?"

"N-No, I don't-"

"Then WHAT, Iwaki-san? What's keeping you alive? A few words from a man you've barely known for a month?" Ruthlessly, Taro grabbed hold of the decrepit mans forearm, pulling him out of the shower as he gripped his shoulders tightly, making the older man look at himself in the looking glass. "Why would his words matter to you, Iwaki-san?" the taller man hushed daintily, whispering them into his preys ear as he felt him shiver, tears rolling down his cheeks as the sinister man smiled, happy that he was beginning to crack open his beloved play toy.

"I-I…Katou….he…" Iwaki began, choking on his words as his lips quivered, his eyes blood shot from the tears that streamed down from his beautiful eyes.

"What about Katou?" Taro asked balmy, watching as the older man before him was falling apart.

"He told me…" he faltered, his body about to collapse if it wasn't for the younger mans sturdy grip. "To live a happy life…" the unstable man announced. His voice was soft and broken while he stared into his mirrored expression, nearly unable to tell who he was staring at.

"But you're not happy."

Iwaki couldn't understand it…with just a few minutes of Taro's heartless truth, it took only seconds for his hard worked façade to be broken. What was he thinking, he wasn't kidding anyone! He knew for a fact that once everyone thought he was alright, he would take the opportunity to kill himself before anyone could prevent it! Life is nothing without the person he loves by his side... He needed arms to embrace him, fingers that would fit perfectly into the spaces of his hands, eyes that would look at him, and _only_ at him. Now, he no longer had that luxury. Trying to fool himself into believing that life was still worth living for; even if it was bland and dull, colorless and innocuous, he certainly couldn't trick himself, no matter how hard he tried.

"Iwaki-san, you're being fed with lies." The individual spoke. "Not by me, no, I've only been telling you the truth tonight; but from your reactions, you've been burying yourself in your own grave." Taro stated "Why were you trying to deceive yourself? And more importantly, others? What would Renji think after you had tried so hard to convince him that you were alright? The poor man, he'll be devastated that someone he cared so deeply for decided to leave his side so quickly…but then again, why continue on these lies? I think it would be best that you tell him bluntly what you've been _really_ thinking. After all, shouldn't a man that tried to help you so much be given the justice of knowing the truth?"

Iwaki couldn't stand; his mind had been consumed with everything he had tried to shut away, as he collapsed on the taller man behind him, his breathing uneven as his hot tears continued to pour out of his closed eyes. "Katou…Oh god, I miss you…" He chocked. Finally, he was back to stage one… Back to the first moments when his heart shattered and back to the time where darkness reined his world. The remains of his once beating organ in his chest had dropped down to his stomach, only knowledgeable that all intrepidity he once obtained had all been crushed to the ground, nothing more than fragments of their once whole being.

Carrying the weak man bridal style, Taro excited them from the bathroom, and kicked open Iwaki's empty bedroom, stripping him of his wet clothes before laying him onto his bed. _"Beautiful…"_ he would occasionally say to himself as he glanced at every corner of his toys uncovered flesh, admiring how his pale skin matched perfectly with his ghastly eyes and raven colored hair. Too disorientated to even notice, Iwaki simply allowed Taro to do as he pleased, while the man discarded all his clothes aside, laying the gorgeous actor unto his bed without a single garment to cloak him.

"The last person to see you naked was me," his cold finger tips caressed Iwaki's chest as he flinched at the man's touch. "The last person to touch you was me again," Taro slipped his hands past the strength less man's waist "And oh, the last person to kiss you was Katou." He grinned demonically, his eyes dark as the older man looked up at him in horror, slapping his hand onto his lips in order to protect the last true thing his deceased lover left for him.

"You know, Iwaki-san," Taro began, stroking the older mans member in order to make him hard "It wasn't very smart of you to invite me to your home, especially at night, when I could easily make you powerless." His lips curled, while Taro's thumb continued circling on the raven-haired mans slit, as pre cum shimmered onto the surface, biting his lip as to not let a single moan escape from his lips.

"Let…go of me."

"Oh my, someone has become a bit of a liar, hasn't he? Your body and eyes speak another story, Iwaki-san." He leaned in close and bit Iwaki's ear lobe, being rewarded with a grunt from the man below him, as Taro planted butterfly kisses down his jaw and neck.

"Don't worry, I know the perfect punishment."

Raping a man who couldn't even put up a fight by the fact that his mind has shattered with the bitter truth was priceless, and indeed of no use for violence. The wicked man was ecstatic at this gift, for being able savor the taste of his favorite toy without having to put much effort into it was amazing.

Iwaki's eyes were unfocused, as if he was unaware of his current situation. Instead, his eyes were unforced with delirium, and his lips continued to move rhythmically, the same motion every second while the devious man learned exactly _what_ he was saying. "Katou…"

Lifting himself from the lifeless body, it would surely be boring if the actor simply laid there, not putting up a fact even if he were to be tied up and forcefully penetrated. Instead, the quick thinking man picked himself up from his position, standing before the older man as he analyzed his situation, heading towards the wooden dresser that rested on the other side of the room, reading cologne labels as he found what he was looking for.

_Gigolo_.

Taro knew for a fact that this was Katou's favorite cologne to wear, so deceiving a precarious man would surely be facile. Spraying the fragrance across his neck, the brown-haired man placed back the bottle onto its rightful place, and began to step closer to his prey as he regained his past position, noticing the results instantly.

Iwaki's body naked writhed, trying to distance himself from the younger man as his face grew flushed, heavy breathing eclipsing the room as he glanced starry eyed at his enemy, his hands resting on his shoulder as to push him away. Instead, Taro leaned in closer, his soft lips close to Iwaki's ear as he whispered _"Think of me as Katou."_

The aged actor's eyes blazed open, desire spreading upon every corner of his flesh as his mind grew blank, his pupils deceiving him as they picked up the image of his deceased lover instead, holding his arms up as if a sign to accept Taro's embrace. Iwaki's ghastly orbs shimmered with infatuation. A cold, sheer smile ran across his enemies face, as he placed butterfly kisses upon his smooth, pale skin.

Biting hard on Iwaki's neck, he lapped away at the blood that slowly drained out, as he was rewarded with a yelp. Taro's hands trailed back down onto his doll's throbbing member, gaining friction from his long strokes, as he older man moan from the back of his throat, tossing his head from side to side. "St-Stop..." he pleaded, yet his gentle cries could not be heard as he gripped the bed sheets, his chest rising as warm air filled his lungs.

He kissed down onto Iwaki's right nipple, his tongue entangling at the small buds location, not losing grip of the mans cock as he twiddled with it freely, driving his prey into a delirium of mixed emotions, as he dropped his hands from Iwaki's body, grinning from the man's lack of desire for his touch being removed. Unbuttoning his denim jeans slowly, he watched as a trail of drool slide down from the raven-haired mans mouth, stopping at the corner of his chin as he adjusted himself, being consumed in a melody of lust.

"Do you want me?" Taro whispers, his member revealed as his head presses against Iwaki's tight hole, flinching as he tries to escape from the man's touch. His blood is running through cold veins, and the aged actor's skin is burning with desire, his throat dry and his eye lids nearly unable to keep themselves opened_. I don't want this…I don't…!_ But then again, he wasn't sure exactly what it was he craved for…

The attractive murderer swift fully pinned Iwaki's wrists down onto the mattress, staring acutely into the orbs that exasperated mysteries that seemed as if they could never be solved. Iwaki filled his lungs with air, trying to keep his mind as sane as possible. He didn't want to be deceived, he didn't want his eyes to play him like a fool, and he didn't want to be a marionette entertaining its master.

_Iwaki-san…_

His heart skipped a beat, his breathing got caught in his throat, his eyes became unfocused with dementia, and his ears began to ring. "No…" he whispered. The fragile actor couldn't stop himself from hearing his past lover's voice call out to him, wrapping him in a blanket of ecstasy and filling his nostrils with the sweet smell of his cologne. _I love you, I won't let anyone have you. _Iwaki begged for these words to be shut out from his mind, but Katou's accustomed smell could be as strong as any aphrodisiac to the damaged man's body.

He had completely forgotten about Taro's presence, but instead, all that he could see, feel, and smell was his other half. Spreading his legs apart, words couldn't form the emotions that were spilling out from him at one moment.

Nausea, irrationality, fulfillment, hope…and not to mention, the most manifest one of this entire list, _temptation_.

Taro's gaze widened, as he watched his prize spread wider, inviting him inside his entrance as he panted ruggedly, unable to keep his composure. "Please…hurry…" An accustomed Cheshire cat smile emerging into the open as Iwaki fidgeted for relief, begging the man above him to satisfy his cravings. "Katou," He called out, the brown-haired man's amazement expanding into new lengths as he watched in enjoyment "I want you!"

Indulging deep into the lascivious man, Taro's thrusts became violent as they brought attainment to Iwaki's harsh appetite, his body out of control and his mind just as demolished. "_More, __**MORE~!**__"_ He would generally familiarize, the man over him picking up the raven-haired man from his position, as he rested him as to sit on top of him, Iwaki instinctively wrapping his legs around the mans waist in order to gain more friction, and his arms entangled in his neck to pull each other closer.

Wrapping his fingers around Iwaki's erection, he continuously pumped it rhythmically with his thrusts, pre cum sliding down from the actors slit as he moaned out in ecstasy, salivating from this nearly forgotten sensation of satisfaction.

Warm blood trickled down the side of the actors violated void, due to the tear in flesh from being unprepared, but this pain simply heightened his endless wanting. He couldn't think; all that he could imagine was the very face he loved for years, running his slender fingers through Taro's hair, visualizing it as the golden threads that he recalled as Katou's. As his end began to draw near, Iwaki forcefully pressed his lips against Taro's, their tongues fighting for dominance as the kiss hardened with every passing second, only pulling away as they both reached their climax.

"_**KATOU~!"**_ Iwaki screamed out, collapsing onto his enemy's chest as their breathing was rough, Taro pulling out the older man drifted into a heavy sleep, Taro gathering his clothes while he laid his dearest slave to bed, whipping away the excessive remains of semen as he rested him in Katou's clean bed, watching pleasingly at his successful actions. "Don't leave…" Taro heard the now trembling man mutter, a mischievous grin appearing onto his face. By tomorrow morning, the aged actor would be back to being nothing more than a shattered mirror, and he had the luxury of savoring his sweet body once again. Drops of sweat began forming on Iwaki's forehead, as the falsely caring man dabbed them away, unable to hold in his laughter as he turned off the lights of the room, taking one last glance at his dolls sleeping being.

"Good night, Iwaki-san." He fare welled, exiting the man's home easily at three o' clock in the afternoon.

"_Sweet dreams." _

"Ugh…" the dazed man groaned, swallowing down a red pill along with a cup of water as his covered his face with his right hand, trying to ease away the painful headache that had formed that morning. He felt disgusted, weak, idiotic; any kind of insult would be alright, just as long as they explained how much of a fool he was. No…he _couldn't_ go back to how he was merely five weeks ago, he didn't want to! Being trapped in a house he never wanted to exit due to his new delirious nature, it _sickened_ him! Yes he was fooling himself, but the time he spent with Renji was REAL, in their moments together Iwaki didn't even dare to think about suicide, all he could really think about was hope.

_Renji…_

It was absurd of Taro to even think that Iwaki would obtain any side of affection towards that man that crossed the line of _friendship_…Katou was, and always will be the only person for the raven haired actor. He was the puzzle piece that made Iwaki whole, and no one could ever fit into it, no matter how many ways they tried to turn.

Iwaki felt sick…his legs ached, and the accustomed nauseous feeling he's had for hours overwhelmed him. Dropping his head into the toilet bowl, the shaken man drained his body of all nutrients, as he coughed out the remains, clutching his stomach as his body began to sway from side to side. His stomach churned, his head was aching, and Iwaki's body felt numb…Suicide. It would be easy to achieve, but after being persuaded so much by Renji that time could heal his wound, he wasn't sure if he really wanted to choose that path. The thought of leaving a man who cared so much for Iwaki's safety seemed so…**selfish**.

And yet...that wasn't reason enough to make him truly stop contemplating those thoughts.

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**This chapter was pretty long, Teehee~ Hope you all enjoyed :D Did all of you have a nice Easter? **

**I sure hope so :) **

**REVIEW FOR IWAKI TO PREVENT THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE!**


	19. Remembering Tragedy

**Jeez, I haven't updated in about two months _ Sorry about that! it took me a while for this chapter to come out right ^^ I hope you'll forgive me with this (almost) 4,000 worded chapter xD**

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_Remembering Tragedy_

"Iwaki-san," a calm voice spoke to the disorientated man. "Are you alright?"

The aged actor had been secretly bemused for days now, but last night's incident had caused the raven-haired man to show his true colors. Instead of the bright yellow he radiated to his new therapist and close friend, gray had clouded his façade of sunshine and hope. He couldn't find the words to answer the handsome person before him; all that could be shown was a simple nod of his head, covering his face with his hand as the other clutched his stomach, trying to force the repulsive sensation of vomiting to go away.

"Do you need some medicine? I could get you an Advil." He insisted, trying to support the fragile man that rested before him, but Iwaki lifted his hand in an assuring manner, a blunt sign that nothing was needed from the younger person.

"Renji, I'm fine…" The raven-haired man expressed, "I think I should just get home, rest is what I need…" Standing up from the leather seat he was uncomfrotably resting on, his shoulders bore the weight of two large boulders, making it nearly impossible for him to keep his composure. Breaking out into a cold sweat, Iwaki turned away from the blonde man before he could take a real look at his growing pale face.

"Do you want me to drive you home?" Renji asked, placing his hands on Iwaki's back. He quickly removed it from its spot, feeling the other man tremble in place at his action, unsure of how to react to the weak person that stood immobile at his current position.

"No…" he exhaled in a low whisper "I'm fine." Straightening his back, he took a silent breath in order to fill his craving lungs. "I'll make sure to call you once I feel better…"

Quickly exiting the building, Iwaki hurried out before the blonde man before him could say a word, quickly pacing himself to his car, as he gripped his heaving chest; his lifeless eyes being covered by his nightly dark hair. Iwaki's breathing exhaled from his body in a shallow manner, barely any oxygen making it to the chambers of his lungs. He sat there for a minute, motionless while a cold rush of exhaustion swept his body into an oblivion of darkness.

He was out of breath.

The back of his neck grew hot while his shaking fingers placed the key into the ignition, wrapping his slender hands onto the steering wheel as he reached his home in a matter of minutes. Barging into his sanctuary, Iwaki collapsed onto the sofa that rested to his right, his chest heaving as he began chocking on his own tears. His torn skin brought him into a frenzy of delirium as hot tears slid down his porcelain cheeks. Adjusting himself to the seat, Iwaki's head laid back, resting as sweat began to form on his face. _"It's hot…"_

He didn't understand why, but it was as if each part of Iwaki's body had its own individual need. His aching stomach left a sense of nausea, as if he were about to bring back up today's brunch with Renji…The raven-haired mans head felt much heavier than ever before, his skin was crawling as if fire ants began to dance on its surface, and there was that damned ringing noise that wouldn't leave him alone. Shedding off his jacket, Iwaki couldn't stand the fiery sensation that was expelling from his body. The house itself wasn't anything above uncomfortable, but there was that strange awareness that left the aged actors writhing in discomfort.

"_Tsk tsk, I can't leave you alone for one second, can I?"_

Unable to even raise his arm, the barely conscious man lost all stability, his eyes drifting closed. His energy had been drained; even the sound of that man's voice left him unchanged. All Iwaki could do now was wait until the doors of his strength opened up once again, for him to realize the situation he would soon be in.

.

.

.

A soft groan escaped from the actor's gentle lips, as it took a few moments for his vision to finally focus back to normal. Rising from his seat, he looked around at his new surroundings. _"The bed room?"_ he thought to himself, unable to comprehend just what had happened. As he checked the time, his eyes widened at the time. It had been hours since he last arrived home, and how he was in his pajama's and not in his suit was a mystery. Wasn't he just in the living room, on the couch unable to breathe? A sudden throbbing sensation struck the fragile man's head, as if a bolt of lightening trying to wake him up from his vertiginous trance.

"Oh, I see you're awake." A terribly soothing voice spoke out to the confused man, as the slender man entered the room with a tray of easily consumable food. Frowning, the older man simply looked away, trying to avoid any contact with the hazardous man. "No need to act so cold, you're the one who can't handle your stress." Taro shrugged, placing the tray on the night stand that laid to Iwaki's right, handing the frivolous man before him a clear glass of water. The gray eyed man simply stared, confused by this entire situation. "I didn't poison it, if that's what you're thinking." Everything seemed off…his body felt surprisingly light, as if a mountain of burdens had been casted off his shoulders, and the chains that binded his feet together unlocked.

"Drink it; you need to keep your body hydrated."

Iwaki just sat there, unable to completely register this entire situation. "Why are you here?" he finally spoke out, his voice low as he raised his gaze from the folded corners of his bed sheets, staring into the very eyes that stole his world.

"Is it so wrong to help the less fortunate? After all, you did pass out right in front of me."

Grinding his teeth against each other, Iwaki's head felt as if it was being slammed into hard cement, unable to shake off the feeling of a hammer pounding into his skull numerous times. "Do you need something?" he heaved out, using his hands to cover his face as he glanced murderously to the man at his right.

"Actually, I should be asking you that. I'd love to give you some medicine, but it's not like you would accept it. Besides, I am the one who injected drugs into you and made you swallow an aphrodisiac, which I must say worked _magnificently_." That damned cocky smile of his made the raven-haired man feel even more ill, as he took another mouthful of water, hoping that the cool refreshment would help him. "Turns out you have a fever," Taro pointed out. "I see that you're finally accepting the truth again."

Iwaki watched as the corners of the mischievous mans lips curled slightly, aching for another glass as soon as he was done with its remains. "Here," Handed the younger man an unopened bottle of water, "Drink more, since we have things to discuss."

Snickering, Iwaki turned completely towards Taro, unable to refrain from his sudden stream of laughter. "'Discuss'? And I just thought you were trying to make me feel better so you could tear me apart _again_! Tell me, what _exactly_ would you want to 'discuss', that you can't just know forcefully from me? I wouldn't really want to 'discuss' matters with a man who caused me to spiral into such depression."

His sarcastic tone surprised Taro, and yet it amused him to a higher intent. "_So arrogant," _the brown haired man thought, smiling at Iwaki's reply to the entire situation. "You do have a point. Now what, does his Highness wish for me to disappear?" he laughed out, acting as a servant while the older mans eyebrow twitched in agitation, giving a dreadful look to the foolish man before him.

"Yes, **GET THE FUCK OUT**." Iwaki spoke in a low growl.

"Ouch, no need to be so pushy! Especially since I won't be leaving any time soon." Taro grinned like an innocent child, acting as if he had not done a single terrible deed in his life.

He sighed, "Then what is it? The sooner you leave the better."

He couldn't stand it, being in the same room as that man…If he was down with a fever, he'd rather deal with it _alone_, instead of being pampered by an inconsiderate bastard. _"His car should just crash on the freeway tonight, that's my first wish right now."_ He thought to himself in a mellow tone, until his gorgeous orbs widened slightly, a hint of sadness being expelled from their beauty. _"Well,"_ he lowered his gaze to the sheets, _"Make that the second…" _

Trying to hide away his discomfort from Taro was useless, since by the time he realized his position the younger-man already attained his play toys thoughts. "Iwaki," he began, stirring the clammed chowder he prepared for the fragile man. "Answer me this…" hot steam began to form, as the raven-haired actor felt its hot pressure approach his well structured face. "Is there nothing you want to ask me, the murderer of your happiness?"

Iwaki's casual eyes began to slowly fade into nothing but an empty glass of broken dreams. His ears slowly started picking up a low-toned ringing noise, which was only accompanied with the sound of his own voice, struggling for freedom.

He tried to swallow away the pain, but the sensation wouldn't vanish.

.

.

.

"I~wa~ki~san…" a playful voice began to sing, "Time to wake up."

Slowly forcing open his ajar eyes, the smell of cigarettes and rust lashed into the actors nostrils, causing him to slightly sway his head from side to side, trying to remove the horrible stench from entering his nose. "You sure took your time," a blonde haired man spoke down to the semi-conscience man below. "Maybe we used a little too much chloroform?" the unknown stranger laughed out, only to continue his conversation with his fellow associates.

Lifting his head up slowly, Iwaki's unfocused vision hadn't helped him in scanning his new environment. _"Where am I?"_ He asked himself, flinching from the throbbing sensation of his overpowering headache, unable to completely think straight. Suddenly, his eyes burst open at the sudden realization.

"_Katou!" _

Now he remembered! He couldn't escape from them, and the last thing he had seen before waking up was his lover's slightly concerned face, tapping his dominant foot onto the ground in eager anticipation from Iwaki's tardiness. Writhing on the floor for a second, his vision was soon recollected, but he didn't enjoy what he was seeing. From the people in his direction, there were about seven. He could hear the pointless conversations of those who were facing his back, and there was a large possibility that more men could be outside. His surroundings were bland, but judging from the structure of the building, Iwaki guessed that this was a warehouse. There were two floors, the staircase leading to upstairs on the far right corner from him. It was too far for Iwaki to reach, even if he wasn't trapped… The handcuffs left him defenseless, its stinging pain causing the weak man to flinch, while the ropes on his ankles began to burn his flesh.

"_Shit…"_ Iwaki cursed. _"This isn't good…"_

He tried analyzing his situation, but nothing seemed to help in his current position. It seemed that he was in the very center of the bottom floor, so all eyes would be directed towards him if he were to try anything. Also, it wouldn't even matter if Iwaki wasn't tied up; there would be no way to escape from the number of people there, along with fact that he was still lightheaded from the drugs…He just couldn't find any escape, unless a miracle would appear, but considering his odds, that wasn't something to depend upon.

"You done day dreaming, Iwaki-san?" that same man from earlier asked, crouched in front of him with a large grin plastered onto his face. "I'm Takashi, and I'll be the person to help you get comfortable during your stay here. I hope we can be great friends while you're here." That fake smile of his irritated the aged actor, while his eye brows furrowed together, his glare venomous.

"You must feel a bit groggy from the chloroform, right? Don't worry, happens to everyone. But relax, this little baby will make you feel muuuuch better~" Holding steadily a needle in his right hand, the surprised man began to thrash wildly, trying to loosen Takashi's tight grip on him. It wasn't long until two other men pressed Iwaki's shoulders down onto the floor, rolling up the sleeve to his left arm up to his shoulder, making it easier to allow in injecting the mysterious substance inside of him easily. "It might take a few minutes for the full effect to kick in, but don't worry, you'll come to enjoy it." Takashi spoke enthusiastically, as the other men slowly released their grasp from the furious actor.

"What do you want with me?" The nervous man spoke in a soft tone, his face buried in his dark hair.

"You'll be our little hostage, Iwaki-san~" his grin grew larger, the corners of his lips curling as the seconds passed. "'Cause honestly, Katou wouldn't come here if you _weren't _kidnapped, then we would just have to come up with another plan. Besides…" his aura began to transfer into that of a murderer, his kind façade removed. "This method is a lot more fun~"

Gasping for air, the front of Iwaki's denim pants grew tighter, as his limbs became numb. "How fast, I guess it's already working." Beads of sweat started to form on the older mans forehead, as he adjusted himself on the cold floor to become more comfortable. His hands shook uncontrollably, and the bitter sensation of Iwaki's rising temperature only increased his discomfort.

"Those clothes seem uncomfortable, Iwaki-san, why don't I help you with them?"

Popping the buttons of his shirt, the raven-haired man's broad chest became exposed, gaining a whistle from Takashi. "How smooth," he ran his icy fingers across the uncovered flesh, causing the man below him to shiver in disgust, trying to break apart their physical contact. "It's so white …Your skin reminds me of snow!" He reminisced, quickly pinching Iwaki's left button for the mere amazement. Acquiring a small shriek that had escaped from the actors lips, the mocking man's devious smirk returned, aiming to unbuckle Iwaki's pants.

"_No!" _

Forcing his head forward, the angered actor thrashed his head into a bloody collision with Takashi's, lifting his legs as he kicked his stomach, the fire in his very eyes growing. Unfortunately, his moments of freedom had been removed; destroyed like a bird's wing after fighting a bloody war with its enemy, unable to undo the damage that was taken, and only to accept the fact that flight with this handicap was an undesired obstacle. "So feisty," Takashi spoke, licking his lips lustfully as he watched others contain the older man in his place; enjoying the show of watching their prey trying to escape from their steady hold.

"Strip him."

The order echoed through Iwaki's mind, as he tried with all his might to stop the roaming hands of his kidnappers, his bare flesh stinging as it was removed of all protection. "STOP!" he blared, blood running past his cut wounds from the metal that sliced his wrists. "Let go, LET ME GO!" their laughter traced itself into his ears, shutting his eyes as he was overcome with the sight of devious faces rippling at his pitiful position.

As soon as the only thing that was left was his shirt, Takashi was handed a navy colored duffle bag, the zipping sound piercing his ear drums as Iwaki felt his face flush. "It makes me wonder, Iwaki-san," he paused, rummaging through the unknown objects, as if trying to find the perfect item. "How often do you and Katou do it?" the way he spoke it made the older man sick to his stomach…

Was that all he thought it was? Mindless sex that was only valued for how many times they "did it"? It was idiotic, pure foolishness...Instead, the two _made love_ with each other countless times, never able to truly find a correct estimation. The blissful sensation that touched Iwaki's body and soul while he and Katou were embracing each other was remarkably addicting, as if a sweet drug was cycling through their veins, causing them to fall in love with each other all over again. During the time they were lovers, the two love-birds had never had sex. Sex was simply the physical act of intercourse, nothing more. Two people could have sex, and feel nothing for each other. The only thing that would really matter is if their sexual wishes would be granted, but as soon as something so shallow had been fulfilled, the two would depart from each other as soon as it's over, only to return once that craving reappeared. Instead, every night that they held each other, they were making love. The desires, emotions, everything and more was added in addition to them physically exploring each other's bodies. But it wasn't just touching them in real life, once Iwaki and Katou enfolded each other in their arms their very souls became one, for this love could never be expressed by the times they had "done it." Never, never in the time they were together, never in the house they had created as lovers and never while they coexist in the same world.

It was these very feelings that rejected Iwaki from being unfaithful to his beloved husband, and as soon as the older man had seen what Takashi had taken from his bag, his eyes flung open and he broke out into a cold sweat.

"You must be really determined to Katou, 'cause you're trying so hard not to get turned on, even after this drug's been coursing its way through you." Leaning forward, he flipping Iwaki to his back, and assured his companions to keep him pinned down. "Oh well, you're not completely limp, so it seems that some progress is being made." He smiled, wrapping his fingers around his member while he began to play with his soft nipple. "It's so pink, like the color of cherry blossoms."

It felt putrid; having someone else touch him…he couldn't bear it, especially with that damned drug causing him to be aroused by this! His heart and mind had been in unison on trying to prevent this, but his body was weak to the effects of the aphrodisiac. "St-Stop…please…" he whispered softly, trying to bury away his face as pre cum slide off his slit.

"Huuuuh? Can't hear you Iwaki-san, gonna have to speak louder." Quickening the speed, the aged actor could feel his end coming near, nearly about to release his load when Takashi suddenly stopped, the older man groaning that he hadn't continued. He hated being held down, he hated being touched by someone other than Katou; he hated being exposed to these men! One man stood by each side of Iwaki, grabbing his arms as to make sure he wouldn't try to struggle again, so as to make Takashi's job easier. Besides, they weren't complaining, since they had the front row seats to the show…

"Iwaki-san~" the light haired man sang his toy's name once again, holding an object that was being covered by his broad chest, since his back was turned to the older man. "I'm sure you'll enjoy _**this **_very much!"

His heart stopped; his ears rang, his blood ran cold, and he began to shiver in fear…Facing the actor, he loved the trepidation that began to expel from his hostage, the uproar that made him excited with his sadistic nature. He wanted to see Iwaki cry, and judging from the look on his face, that was surely possible…In his hands, he held a large, thick vibrator. "What's the matter?" he edged closer, causing the man to back away on impulse. "You should be used to having something inside you, _right _Iwaki-san_?_"

He had never had anything within him except for Katou…he even remembered the time they went out for dinner together. Sawa-san had showed them to an isolated room with sex toys and chains everywhere, simply meant to enjoy themselves with the equipment. He remembered the dread he sensed when he saw Katou hold one in his hand, aiming to put it inside him. Iwaki didn't want anything to penetrate him, the only thing that was ever allowed to would be his lover, and nothing else.

"Hold him still."

Frantic to get away, Iwaki was squirming for freedom, trying to stop this from happening. _"K-Katou…"_ he thought to himself, hot tears rolling down his cheeks as his pupil's grew larger with the adrenaline that coursed throw his body _"HELP ME!"_

"SHIT!" Katou cursed out, catching his breath as he scanned the empty hallway, flipping open his cell phone as his fingers tapped upon the keyboard. "Shimizu-san, are you _sure_ you and Iwaki-san were on the thirteenth floor?"

"Yes, I'm positive!" she spoke frantically, scanning the floors below Katou. "I even asked the woman in the front desk, and she'd never seen him leave! I tried calling his cell again, but he must've turned it off since it always goes straight to voicemail...Oh God, Katou...I'm sorry..."

"For what, Shimizu-san?" the uneasy actor asked

"I should've listened to you. Even though the Director told me to leave, I should've waited by his side and never left! If i hadn't, then we would've _NEVER_ been in this situation, Iwaki-san wouldn't be _missing_!" the dark haired woman couldn't help but blame herself in this situation, since the agony was eating at her beating heart.

"Shimizu-san..." the blonde haired man began, "It's not yours, trust me." His eyes slowly looked down at the glossy floor below him. "_It's mine..._" Those last two words swept across his mind like a mighty tide clashing upon the large rocks of the sea.

Punching his fist to the wall, Katou's eyes were burning with fury, unable to contain his rage from the current situation he and his lover were trapped in. _"It wouldn't be that much of a surprise if they actually got him…"_ he thought to himself, his heart racing with fear. _"God, please don't let that be the case!"_

"Are there any places that Iwaki-san likes to visit?" Shimizu asked, trying to think outside of the box. Exhaling a sigh, Katou disagreed that that wouldn't make much sense.

"If the two of us had just spoken minutes before he assured me he would head downstairs, it would make no sense if he went to the bookstore or a bar, knowing I was concerned for his well-being…" his eyes expelled a heavy stream of worry, unsure of how to handle this situation. "I think I should get home now; the two of us have been searching for about an hour now, with no progress what so ever…If anything comes up, call me at this number."

"Alright Katou-san, I will. Have a safe drive home."

Ending the call, he felt the displeasing sensation of vulnerability. His heart ached with despair, and the blond haired mans chest felt as if lead was trapped inside. "He's not home, he can't be…" Katou hated the feeling of going to an empty house, especially when he had no idea of his lover's current status. As he trudged down the stairs, his mind was overshadowed by his beloveds gorgeous face, beaming different facial expressions to him. He couldn't stand it, this agony was _killing_ him!

"Iwaki-san…" Katou mourned, his voice a soft broken melody, as he tried his best to stay calm, _"PLEASE be alright!"_

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**Bwaah. I really wanted this chapter to finish the ENTIRE flashback instead of putting it on two pages, but after days of having this part without being progressed, I decided to just finally update since you guys have been waiting far too long already!**

**I _really_ want to promise you guys that I'll be updating a lot more since it's summer, but that won't be the case -_- I have summer school, and frankly, it keeps me a lot busier than normal school ever did! D: I'll try my best to see what I can do, but it won't be a month till I'll be done with this extremely busy schedule .**

**Thanks for being so patient, you guys really are the best!**

**REVIEW FOR THE REST OF THE FLASHBACK!**_  
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	20. The Pain Isn't Worth Remembering

**Hurray! I finally updated! :) Summer is coming to a close, and I'm not ready for High School *groan* (Well, I'm actually not ready for waking up early and the homework that'll be piling into my backpack xP ) I hope all of you had an enjoyable summer! **

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_The Pain Isn't Worth Remembering_

"Ohhh," a cocky sneer escaped from the lips of the sadistic captor, "I love that look in your eyes, so enticing." Takashi watched as the shaken man gasped for a breath of air, writhing as the large object was finally slammed into him, a shriek escaping from his bleeding lips as his body shook with disgust. "That look in your eyes," he began, shoving the vibrator deeper into the older man while he watched a thin trail of crimson blood escape from his entrance. _"I love it."_ The raven-haired man was panting, his skin crawling with agitation as he tried to blink away the sensation of crying, not wanting to grant these bastards with the privilege of seeing him expel a tear.

"Taro, you're late!" His eyes burst open like an oyster being searched for a gleaming pearl. Iwaki could feel his heart rate slowly decrease, as if a sinking stone in an abyss of water. Fear traveled upon his flesh nearly as fast as the sickening sensation of having anything other than Katou inside of him. "Where have you been?"

"Such a shame, Ami was having some back cramps so I had to return home to her." The twenty-seven year old sighed, scratching the back of his head as his comrade's paid close attention to him.

"Isn't the day of her delivery approaching?"

"Only a little over a week and junior will be here." Taro smiled innocently, as he finally glanced down at the weak man a few feet away from him. "My my, seems like someone's a bit agitated." The brown haired man stepped in front of the older actor, keeling down to take a better look at the exhausted man's face. "Nice to meet you again, Iwaki-san. I hope you were treated with great hospitality when you woke up. I apologize for not being there when your weary eyes opened, but I had some issues to attend to." He watched as Iwaki's orbs glared at him in frustration, enjoying that blissful moment. "But don't worry; we'll have a lot of time to play together."

Feeling a sudden vibration in his pocket, Taro arose to his feet and slipped out his cell phone from his pocket, his lips curling in a devilish manner while he stared at the phone for a moment, leaning towards Iwaki as he gently placed the screen to his face. "Looks like your knight in shinning armour is coming to save you~"before Iwaki could exhale a word, he felt the thick object slide inside and out of his tight ring of muscle, which were the actions of Takashi who was sitting behind him.

"A-Ah! P-Please...Stop!" The raven-haired man's moans were forced from his lips as the sensation made him unaware of Taro's Motorola once again close to his face, trying to shake away the terribly intoxicating sensation that covered over him.

_"Iwaki-san! Are you there? Answer me!"_

His heart nearly stopped at the sound of Katou's worried voice. Cold sweat quickly began racing down his temple while his head shot up towards Taro. The small contraption was no longer close enough for him to hear his lover speak, since the man above him had taken it away from his face. Instead, he was simply glared down on by him, while the wicked bastard talked casually with the blonde actor, his silky smooth voice showing he had no regrets in any of his actions.

"Oh my, it's about time you called me, I was wondering if you really cared about your _dearest_Iwaki-san." The aged actor felt nauseas; he just wanted to be far away this place. He wanted to be at home, in Katou's arms, safe from this kind of danger. Yet the only comfort he could gain was that of the hard floor, just wanting to sink into its hard exterior so he could escape from this hell. "You shouldn't be so outraged; the sound of your voice seemed to arouse _him_just now. But you should be careful, _he_ isn't exactly in a state where he would want you to see him in, right _Iwaki-san?_" Iwaki refused to make any contact with the despicable man, yet that only worsened his situation. "Oh my, it seems like someone isn't being very obedient right now~" edging down towards the older man, Taro switched the vibrator to the highest setting it could go, his ears accepting the hard shrieks he heard from his delectable victim.

Unable to take anymore, Iwaki released his load onto the floor, his eyes closed shut as the dirty sensation made him numb with a queasy sense of betrayal from his own body. "Oh my! You came already? That's not very fair; you've barely had this one in you."

Iwaki's glossy eyes lost their magnificent shine, as he hung his head low. He couldn't stand another second of this mental abuse; it was slowly starting to eat away at his mind as he fought hard to keep away the impression of crying. _"Katou…I need you…"_

"Now now, don't be so cocky." The conversation continued and Iwaki anticipated hearing his lover's voice. Anything to keep his sanity from slipping away! "What are you going to do, walk right into the lions den for a comrade who's already been counted as _food_? Use your head a bit more; you should understand that if you come here, it'll be the same as suicide."

A cold breeze of awareness wrapped its blanket around Iwaki's body, since what Taro had just said was the truth. If Katou thought about saving Iwaki, he would surely be in a situation where death seemed much more of a result then being alive. The raven-haired man could stand this useless feeling, unable to do a thing to ease his lover's pain from the entire situation. Katou would obviously come and save him, since Iwaki was the most important thing in his life! But doing so truly was the equivalence of suicide, yet that being the painful solution would never stop the blonde man from trying… _"God, Buddha,__**anyone**__…please help us…" _Iwaki never found religion as a source to find help, but at this position where he was desperate for _anything, _even a desperate plea to someone that wouldn't grant them redemption was better than nothing.

The atmosphere gradually began to change, as the dark-haired actor heard his captor say in a low growl, "Remember those words, Katou Youji…"

As he heard the slight shut of Taro's cell phone, a barely audible sigh escaped from the back of Taro's throat. "Roy, Shozo, go outside and start talking utter nonsense to each other, as if you two are supposed to keep watch of the back door from intruders. If you hear any rustling noises in the bushes, or someone tries to attack you, just go with the flow and allow that person, who will obviously be Katou, to slip through that entrance you are '_protecting'_ easily. He'll be there in about twenty-five minutes, since that's usually the amount of time it takes for him to leave the house and arrive here. Don't try fighting back since that'll only delay him in trying to _rescue_ Iwaki-san. Once he's inside, wait about 60 seconds until you finally warn everyone, so that we can go inside and surround him. If anything goes differently then I had just now instructed, follow through with the sequence and watch how everything plays through. For the rest of you, Katou will obviously go to Yuuki and Shozo, since that it the only entrance that leads inside the warehouse besides the front gate, due to the fact the windows would be too far for him to bother trying to reach. If he _does_ do something of the extraordinary, act oblivious and do not react harshly until we are sure he's inside and in our trap. Understood?"

Everyone agreed to Taro's instructions by nodding, along with the process of piling outside to listen to his directions. Iwaki, being puzzled by the entire situation, tried his best to wiggle himself out from his chains and ropes. "No need to be upset, Iwaki-san," Taro leaned closely as he ripped the vibrator out from the older man, being rewarded with a shriek as he watched a glistening tear edge towards the corner of his left eye. "You'll be seeing Katou _very_ soon." As he said that, he thrusted a new device into Iwaki, the older man too exhausted to try and reject its touch. "Try to seem livelier; you wouldn't want Katou to see you ill-spirited."

With that said, it was now a waiting game. Taro left Iwaki's side and lit a smoke, leaving a ghastly trail behind as the raven-haired man inhaled its aroma, aching for Katou's appearance to never reveal itself from this dangerous night. Although his breathing was still heavy and uneven, Iwaki slowly shut his eyes, trying to calm his flustered nerves as the minutes passed, his skin shaking uncontrollably. _"I have to calm down…"_Panicking surely wouldn't make the situation any better, yet he couldn't prevent himself from doing so when he was struck by a jolt of lightening.

"Iwaki-san!"

The older man could feel the blood drain out from his head, as he gasped out his lovers name.

"Ka-Katou…

Iwaki never felt so afraid in his life…The fact that he was face to face with Katou meant that Taro's plan had run exactly as he desired, and not a single flaw had ruined it yet. If that would continue, then surely the strong couple would be no more, since Death was now rearing its ugly head into their lives.

"Iwaki-san, I'm getting you out of here." The raven-haired man could feel his throat becoming dry, hanging his head low as he craved to be embraced by Katou, wishing with all his heart that this wasn't the reality they faced. The soft touch of the other actor shocked Iwaki, forcing him to push away the comfort of his lover as he felt the amber eyes Katou obtained staring down at his being.

"R-Run…leave…"Iwaki gasped, as he felt the heartbreaking gaze of his lover, wanting to hide himself from his current state, wanting to cry as he noticed Katou's broken eyes, thrashing his head from side to side calmly, as if trying to give an unspoken apology.

"Iwaki-san, let's go, I'm not leaving without you." Once again, Iwaki rejected the touch of his lover, knowing fully well that he was confusing Katou with these actions.

"Tra…" Iwaki croaked; the next few words pierced through the cavern of his throat as he shrieked to his lover

"_**Katou, it's a trap!"**_

.

.

.

"Iwaki-san?"Taro spoke gently, keeping a close eye on the older-man. His head was dropped low and he remained quiet for a period of time. "Are you alright?"

Slowly his fingers caressed the self indulged wounds Iwaki created, his eyes empty as he finally realized the damage he had done to himself. Feeling as if lead had been concealed into his chest, he glanced over to his hands, noticing the pale color they had been changed into from the lack of sunlight, his fingers boney as he watched them tremble uncontrollably.

"Why _me_?" Iwaki finally spoke, his voice nearly inaudible as Taro asked him to repeat what he had just said. "Why am _I_ the one alive…? Your grudge was against Katou, your revenge would've worked so much better if you killed me instead. He would be the one suffering like I am now, how do you possibly find satisfaction in giving him such a quick death?"

Iwaki trashed his head into Taro's direction, glaring furiously at him as the only response he was given was a devious smile, along with a short chuckle that sent chills down his back. "Why me…?" the older man asked once again, his eyes nearly pleading as Taro edged closer to Iwaki, his eyes the equivalence of an insane mans.

"I don't think you realize how happy I am to know you asked me that…" Iwaki stared at him with content, the two men nearly nose to nose from each other until Taro returned to his seat, running his long fingers through his brown hair as he exhaled a laugh, adjusting himself as he glanced back at the man before him. "The answer is quite simple, but I might as well explain it to you, Iwaki-san."

Swallowing hard, the older man seemed to notice the sudden amusement in his enemy's eyes, nearly unable to respond to those piercing orbs. "I was originally supposed to kill you instead, Iwaki-san, since I yearned to see the day Katou had lost what was most important to him." He paused, reminiscing in the moments he adored. "But something occurred to me. I ended up realizing that killing you, the key to his happiness, wouldn't be the right answer. I would obviously find more entertainment in toying with you; Iwaki-san, much more then I would with Katou himself. Having you as a toy is simply irreplaceable~"

Iwaki could feel a vein throbbing on his temple. "I'm not your toy…"

Taro simply laughed at Iwaki's response. "So you say, but I think you need to re-evaluate your current situation, Iwaki-san. I've raped you, I've played silly tricks with your minds, scarred you, taken away what's most precious to you, and you can literally say that you're wrapped around my fingers by the damage I've done. Answer honestly, are you not my toy? I've done everything I've wished to do to you and am not paying the consequences. Doing this with Katou would not nearly be as entertaining, Iwaki-san." A devilish smile crept upon his well structured face, and the raven-haired man simply gave him an unamused expression as a response.

"I find it completely idiotic that you still blame Katou for the death of your ex girlfriend…"

"Blame him? Of course I don't."

Iwaki's eyebrows quickly knotted together, and the younger man before him could immediately understand the reason for his sudden reaction. _"What?" _

"You're kidding…"Taro slowly shook his head, as the aged actor's heart beat began to quickly progress, its beating nearly painful as he found himself beginning to hyperventilate."That's impossible. You'd _have_ to blame him, or else you would've never done any of this!" Iwaki found himself shrieking, but he couldn't stop himself from doing so. This all seemed so…absurd. No, that man was just tricking him once again, trying to break him with one of his games for the mere amusement. Not this time… "Ha," Iwaki heard himself chuckle, "You're lying, I know you are…"

"How do you _know, _Iwaki-san? Can you read my mind? Can you predict what my next actions would be? Surely not, so don't be so quick to judge." His voice was nonchalant and low, surprising the older man at how it lacked its sly nature, nearly unable to believe what he was hearing.

"You're lying…"Iwaki spoke in a voice that was simply meant to be heard by himself. "You're lying! Then WHY did you kill Katou? If you didn't blame him then why bother seeking revenge for something that was no longer existent?" He could feel the room spinning, its walls caving into each other and the colors of the area mixing into each other like a container filled with a barrage of different shades of paint. Iwaki tried to shake away this sensation, but he was only rewarded with a sudden rush of nausea, unable to refrain himself from growing weaker. _"No…"_ he moaned in his mind, understanding fully well that he was giving an opening to Taro. _"Not now, I need to calm down…"_

"I needed something entertaining to do."

Lightening coursed itself through Iwaki's frail body once again, and he lost complete control himself. Before he knew it, he had lunged himself at Taro, the two men on the creaking wooden floor as Iwaki's breathing became heaver, his misty eyes being covered by his out grown bangs as he remained on his knees and hands, his hot breath nearly noticeable as he continued exhaling small clouds. Lying motionless, Taro felt a strange sensation drop onto the cheeks of his face, noticing how they were plopping slowly from above him the same manner that rain would do so. Giving a gentle smile, his right hand was lifted effortlessly, gently caressing the shivering skin of Iwaki's cheek as he spoke in a consoling voice: "Don't cry, Iwaki-san."

He didn't understand it himself, but Iwaki remained that way for what felt like centuries. Above Taro, crying, shaking as if an Earthquake had just stuck him, and his chest heavy from the funeral that was being held for his heart. _"It would just be better if you killed me…"_ those words slurred off the shaken actors lips like a broken record, irritating Taro's ear drums as he picked himself up easily, carrying the older man until he forced him to sit up on his bed, the brown-haired mans expression foul as he could tell the lack of life in Iwaki's entire presence.

"I'll do no such thing. If you want to end your life then you can do so, but I won't kill you, Iwaki-san." His voice was stern, but the person before him remained staring down at the floor, the older man refusing to respond to his answer. Feeling a sudden vibration in his pocket, Taro slipped open his phone, reading the screen carefully as he continued with putting the device away, exhaling a sigh as he glanced back at Iwaki."Besides," he began again, grabbing his coat while he headed towards the door, "You look more dead then alive." As he turned the silver knob, he could tell the fierce pressure the older man was gritting his teeth with. "Oh, and don't forget to eat your chowder, you need some food in your stomach."

As he shut the door behind him, Iwaki took a firm grip of the bowl and hurdled it towards the door, panting as he screamed **"**_**GO TO HELL!**_**"** He watched as the food slipped down from the wooden barrier and the mess of goop the aged actor created. Pounding his fist on his nightstand, Iwaki exhaled a disturbed groan, furious as he eyes looked blood thirsty.

He didn't care about the fit of rage he was currently having, he really didn't.

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**Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! :D **

**Btw, just in case you all don't get surprised****, I might end up changing my Username to _SinlessNight66. _If I do then here's your warning, since there are a couple reasons that I might have to (even though I really don't want to, since MiracleMoon124 has always been my Username xP) Hopefully I won't have to, since my reasons aren't anything serious, but it's just in case :P **

**REVIEW FOR IWAKI-SAN TO CALM DOWN!**

**and for me to update more often~**


	21. A Cup of Tea

**Hey guys! :D Omg, I'm so happy :3 Today marks a full year since I've uploaded this fanfic! Can you believe that? I certainly can't...Anyways, I'm glad I noticed this yesterday, since I'm happy to have uploaded chapter 21 today :) Sorry If I've only been uploading about once a month, but I really appreciate you all for forgiving me! And for the readers who have been reading this fanfic ever since I uploaded chapter 1 (and even of course everyone who continues to read no matter when they found my fanfic) All I can say is: _Thank you_.**

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_A Cup of Tea _

Iwaki paced himself as he was surrounded by a barrage of bookshelves, scanning the area thoroughly for new novels he could purchase. Taro's face hadn't appeared ever since the incident that took place that night, and nearly a week had passed with Iwaki drowning himself in written literature and continuing to add on scars to his no longer picture perfect body. Along with the fact that he continued to reject eating properly, he declined any offers to meet up with Renji for his weekly visits to the Center, and the young man could tell by the lack of life in the aged actors voice that he knew something had gone wrong. Trying to shake away this disturbing sensation that coursed through his veins, Iwaki continued to search for something that would peak his interest.

Exhaling a soft sigh, he was disappointed by the fact that nothing seemed to catch his eye. _"I should probably move along, I've been at this isle for a while…"_ Walking towards a nearly deserted section of the store, he had noticed that nearly all of the pieces of Literature remained untouched at this new area, as if doing so was a forbidden sin that would grant any person who had disobeyed the rule damnation for all eternity. Fascinated by this strange fact, Iwaki found himself moving with a bit of excitement, the most he had experienced since he was stripped from Katou's warm embrace. Noticing a medium sized white novel, Iwaki slowly ran his fingers through the bridge of the book, silently reading its name aloud to himself in a whispered tone. "The Second Door..." Pulling it out from its place, the raven-haired man noticed that the entire front and back cover was bathed in nothing but white. It captured his mind by the fact that there was nothing except a single door painted on the cover, its colors light and seeming as if they blended in with the pure atmosphere of its blank space.

Opening the book to read its summary, Iwaki realized that by every word that came across the sight of his glossy eyes, he became more interested in the novel itself. It seemed simple, but its simplicity didn't mean that the plot was weak, quite the opposite actually. Understanding something absurd, he actually felt that in some manner, without even reading the book but only its summary, that it described his current situation of his depression and solitude.

_The Second Door_ was written as individual diary entries, basically explaining the angst and despair the main character, Akihiko, faced once his wife of ten years had passed away from cancer; facing many troubles that only increased his chances of insanity. Checking the shelf once again, Iwaki realized that that was the only copy of the novel, surprised by the fact that every book in the area had at least two or three duplicates.

Pacing through the rest of the isle, the older man took hold of four other novels, none of which he was more excited to read then the first one he had picked up. Heading towards the counter in order to pay, Iwaki left hastily, anxious to return home so that he could finally begin reading the mysterious book. Closing the door behind him, the aged actor settled himself into the seat of this couch, taking hold of the small paperback while he stared at its cover for a moment, finally opening it into a fresh page.

_Dedicated to You _was the first thing Iwaki had read. Turning the page, the raven-haired man finally reached the first entry of the book, dated _January 12__th _ as the heading of the page.

_This wasn't supposed to happen. _Iwaki began, knowing fully well that at this pace he would become fully engrossed into this novel by the time he would finish the first paragraph. _It's hard to say if I'll ever be able to give a genuine smile, even though saying that is obviously foolish. She wasn't supposed to die, the doctor said she was recovering marvelously and that she would be able to return home in just another few weeks. Unfortunately, the unexpected __**always **__has to__happen the second you think everything will be alright._

_I don't blame the doctor, I don't blame anyone actually; but my mind still has that strange way of thinking, that although it's no one's fault, I still can't find not using a scapegoat in order to heal this hindrance of mine, since the worst possible thing has happened to me today, January 12th. Why did she have to die? I would have rathered it be me then her, since I can feel the loneliness already begin to eat away at my heart…_

_I thought that today I would just be visiting her in the Hospital from work like I did everyday, I thought that I would see her gorgeous smile complimenting the sunshine like I did all the time, I thought that her cute chuckles would always indicate that she was indeed recovering, and I thought that I would be able to hold her hand in mine, feeling its warmth and ensuring myself that she would make it; that WE would make it…_

_But all of that strength, all of that courage left me the second I entered the room, only to see the covers over her motionless body and the stinging pain of feeling her always tender hands fade into nothing more than an icy, motionless touch. When I saw her lifeless body there, my composed mind turned hysterical, removing the pure white covers from her and telling her to wake up, that she was missing such a beautiful day. After seeing me go into denial, the doctor tried to break down the news to me, but I wouldn't listen. I was being as ignorant as I always was, denying the truth ever second that it wouldn't go I wanted it to. It took about two police guards to make me leave the Hospital since I was causing a scene. _

_By the time I was outside, I had gone insane. I was screaming to the top of my lungs, trying to tell the doctor that she wasn't dead, that she was still alive and that she would make a full recovery, just like the doctor had once told me. Before I knew it, I broke down, hot tears running down my face and my blood freezing by the fact that the most wonderful thing in my life was lost; the only comfort I was given were a few nice words from the two police guards who carried me out, telling me that everything would turn out alright and that they were sorry for my loose. _

_I'm scared, this wasn't supposed to happen_

_SHE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO DIE. _

The first journal entry was short, but that last line left Iwaki dumbstruck, knowing fully well that that was exactly the same he had felt with Katou; unable to remove his eyes from that first page until the sound of the doorbell jolted the man slightly, surprising him as he unwillingly rested the book onto the seat beside him, walking towards the door as he picked up the phone, speaking softly "Hello?"

"Iwaki-san! It's Shimizu. I was just visiting to see how you were. Do you mind if I come inside?" Placing the wired device back onto its receiver, Iwaki opened the door of his home and reached the gate outside, greeted by a simple smile from his manager while the two retreated inside, exchanging greetings as the wooden door was finally shut closed.

"Iwaki-san, it feels like it's been ages since I've last seen you!"

"Aha," Iwaki laughed, taking a seat beside Shimizu on the couch as she over his book aside onto the table in front of them, "I agree, it feels like it's been far too long since the two of us have met."

The dark-haired woman looked observantly at her client, causing goosebumps to form on Iwaki's flesh since he was no longer accustomed to being in the presence of anyone besides himself. "Iwaki-san, don't mind me asking, but how have you _really_ been feeling? I don't want to sound blunt, but I don't think I've ever seen you in a worse condition…"

Silence eclipsed the room as Iwaki returned to his feet, plastering a smile onto his porcelain doll like face as he asked the worried woman below him "I'm being rude. Would you like some tea, Shimizu-san?" As he said that, he retreated into the kitchen, only to be followed by his guest.

"Iwaki-san there's no need for tha-"

"It's strange," the nervous man began, interrupting his manager as he placed the ingredients of the tea onto the counter. "It's been a while since I've had pleasant company. Most of the time it's that damned bastard Ta-" he stopped, biting his lip as he cursed at himself for saying such an absurd thing. Of course he couldn't tell Shimizu that his stalker would enter his home whenever he pleased so that he could continue to harass the aged actor as much as he desired. "Never mind…" he sighed, hoping that the woman behind him would leave the topic aside. "Forget everything I've said."

Noticing his back tremble, Shimizu retreated to Iwaki's side, the concern in her eyes growing as she watched Iwaki pour the hot water into the simple cup, glancing underneath his long sleeved shirt, only to be mortified with what her eyes had come across. "W-Well Iwaki-san, if you really don't want me to ask, then I won't." she reassured her client, although she knew for a fact that her curiosity would expand tremendously. "But on a more serious note, the Director wanted me to ask you something…"

Taking view of his manager by the corner of his eyes, Iwaki remained quiet in order for her to continue. "Oh?" he cracked the silence, trying to be active in the nearly dead conversation. "What was it he needed?"

"Although he knows fully well that you still have a few more weeks of vacation left, he says that we need to film the parts with you soon, so as not to delay the movie any further." Once again, the silence crept into the air like a thief; the only noise audible was the clanking of the dishes; Iwaki handing Shimizu her cup of tea as he held his own.

"Let's talk about this in the living room."

The two retreated to their seats, Iwaki sipping his tea as a remedy to help calm his flustered nerves while he felt the cold gaze of the person beside him. So many things were coursing through Shimizu's head. Cutting was definitely the first sign of suicidal thoughts, and the thought that she had actually seen theme, even for an instant, scarred her mind by the fact that Iwaki Kyousuke, the same person she had worked with for so long, was harming himself. Shimizu became anxious, dying to pour out all her concerns and questions to her client, aching to cure him from his sickness of depression.

"I think it would be best if I dropped out of the movie."

Her eyes bolted opened as Shimizu thrashed her head in Iwaki's direction, his nonchalant facial expression simply emphasizing his last words. "B-But Iwaki-sa-"

"Shimizu, even you saw, I can't be an actor when I won't be able to show my arms." His voice was down to a low whisper, yet the surprised manager heard him perfectly, unable to refrain from hiding her upset expression. Turning his head so that they were facing each other, Iwaki's smiling face was the opposite of anything positive. His lips may have been curved into a smile, but his eyes showed that of pure pain; his actions of trying to deceive his manager an obvious failure. "I'm not proud to show you this," he paused, placing his drink onto the table as he rolled up his sleeves, tears nearly escaping from Shimizu's eyes by the sight of it all. "But as you can see, I'm far from okay."

There, Shimizu saw every scar, bruise and freshly placed cut from the top of Iwaki's wrist all the way towards his shoulder, nearly every inch of skin covered in complete disaster. "Maybe it's a mistake to show you this, Shimizu, but we've known each other for so long that you're probably the only person alive who I would be even slightly comfortable with admitting to this." Once again, he stopped, rolling back down his sleeve as he lightly gripped his wrist, his eyes lifeless and his bottom lip quivering from fear. "I know you're worried for me, but what else could I do? I'm terrified, Shimizu, of _everything_. Ever since that night, all my courage and strength that had been built up for the past years came crashing down, and I became so mentally ill that I resorted to _this_ for support. Unfortunately I don't regret doing this, self-harming myself seemed to be the only remedy that could help me, even if it was a costly choice…" Shimizu could sense the weakness in his voice, unable to react to this.

"I know there are a few people I could go to, for instance you, my family, or even one of Katou's friends for help. But please believe me Shimizu, I just couldn't…and now that my body is scarred, not only my arms but even my legs too, I've come to a conclusion."

The scared woman didn't know what to expect, but off from her lips slurred a simple question: "And what is that, Iwaki-san…?"

A pause was given, only raising the tension of the air until Shimizu felt her head about to explode, her fingers trapped tightly into a fist. "Iwaki-san, before you tell me, I just want to say this…I know you're scared right now, but in no way do I blame you for what you did…I understand 100% your current position. I know that Katou was the most important person in your life, and losing him was like losing reality," she halted her short speech, staring into his gray eyes, "But I don't blame you…I don't blame you for not going to others for help, I don't blame you for harming yourself…I'm not happy by the fact that you've caused that much damage to yourself, and by hearing that there's _more_ makes my heart break…Iwaki-san, I know you'll get through this, I _know_ you will…but until then, please remember that I'll be beside you, while you're like this or when you're continuing to flourish as an actor."

Taking her hand into his own, Iwaki handed Shimizu a napkin, knowing fully well that she was crying without having to look at her. "Shimizu, thank you. I'm sorry I hadn't ever come to you for support, and I'm also sorry for what I'm going to say right now…"

Looking up from drying her tears, she cleared her cracking voice. "And what's that, Iwaki-san?"

Taking another sip of his tea, Iwaki let himself be intoxicated by the aroma, wanting to drown himself in peace instead of constantly being in a war with himself, losing to the enemy of insanity and depression instead of winning and being consumed in tranquility and happiness. The older man knew for a fact that happiness may never be found again, but searching for it was at least a challenge that would keep him preoccupied, even if it was useless.

"I'm quitting as an actor."

Shimizu could only stare, her dark chocolate eyes wide as her skin shivered in surprise. "B-But Iwaki-san…the movie!"

"Precisely why I will no longer be the lead actor in it." Iwaki paused, understanding Shimizu's reaction since the news he had given were quite a shock. "As you can see, this is no longer the body of an actor. My skins gone pale, there are probably over a hundred scars on my body, and I've probably lost about thirty pounds from neglecting to eat. I've been thinking about this for quite some time, and I've finally come to a conclusion. I'll still be the President of the Agency, just no longer an actor. Besides, my passion for acting has died this past month, I can't find myself doing so without a shred of joy in it."

Iwaki allowed for a pause to be given, waiting to see if his manager would say anything on her behalf of this matter. As no one said a word, Iwaki's lips slurred off two simple words: "I'm sorry."

Ever so slightly, the raven-haired man jolted from Shimizu's touch, her head resting on his shoulder while Iwaki noticed her arms draped around his abdomen, an attempt at a hug as he felt the pressure of it grow more intense as the seconds passed by; the middle aged woman not saying a word. Overcome by a sudden sadness, Iwaki's arms were wrapped around Shimizu's thin body, holding her as tightly as she held him while hot tears slid off the side of his cheeks onto her jacket, unable to refrain himself from being in such a weak state. "I'm sorry Shimizu…" The only thing that could be heard was Iwaki's constant apologies ringing through their ears, as they sat there, motionless for what could be years.

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**Yeahh, this ending sucked xD Yesteday this chapter was supposed to go in a completely different direction, but overanalyzing (like I do for everything) made me stop and realize that it would be better if I went towards this direction. I sure hope I don't end up regretting this! Anyways, I really hope I can progress wth this fanfic soon, I feel like I've been at the same area in this fanfic, since it doesn't seem like I've progressed in the story too much. I WANT TO CHANGE THAT :D**

**Oh, and I just want to give a biiiiig hug to you guys. Thanks SO MUCH for reading my fanfic, it really means alot, especially whenever I get a new review, be it from someone who always reviews on my fanfic or someone new. You don't know how happy that makes me :')**

**REVIEW FOR SHIMIZU HELPING OUR IWAKI-SHA!**


	22. Luctor Et Emergo

**Sorry for the long wait everyone! Blame school and all the clubs I joined! Enjoy chapter 22 of Distained :)**

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_Luctor Et Emergo_

Sipping his hot tea slightly, the opening and closing of the small shop was greeted with the gentle melody of bells, awakening the workers that another customer had arrived. "Welcome, sir." A young woman greeted to the older man, bowing deeply as a soft smile formed upon his face. "Hello there." Searching for a seat, Renji raised his head faintly, taking another drink from his porcelain cup while the man rested himself in the empty chair of his table. "Long time no see, Iwaki-san."

Exhaling a sigh, Iwaki slid himself out of the comfort of his cotton jacket, resting it behind himself while he glanced apologetically towards the blonde in front of him. "Sorry about not contacting you sooner, I must've made you worry." Iwaki spoke in a low tone, a bit anxious as Renji noticed the shaking hands of his patient. Curiosity crossed the mind of the tranquil man, but now wasn't the time to interrogate the flustered actor.

"Relax," he said in a consoling voice, placing his right hand on Iwaki's shivering fingers, his warmth providing as a remedy for the nervous man before him. "You can tell me all about it later. Besides, you did call me this morning to meet up, but I was too busy, so meeting right now isn't bad." Relaxing his stiff shoulders, the raven-haired man rejected eye contact, embarrassed for hiding from the caring man until today.

"I-I don't mean to interrupt you two," a glassy eyed teenager stammered, catching sight of the two mens hands enfolded together. "B-but, Iwaki-san, can I have your autograph?" Gripping her pencil tightly, an amusing smile crept upon Renji's face, holding in his laughter.

"Ah, yes," releasing himself from the blonde's grasp, Iwaki shined a professional smile to the young waitress, taking hold of the pencil and notebook as he handed it back to her momentarily, her face exploding a pattern of red across her face as she thanked her idol.

"Thank you, Iwaki-san! U-Umm, and also," she hesitated, trying to pick up the courage for her next line. "I know you've gone through a lot lately, but I still can't wait until your current movie is released! Whenever something happens to me, I always think of your #1 motto, _work before personal life_. And uhh, Iwaki-san, you're my idol, so I just want to thank you for doing such a great job! You really are a great actor, but I'm sure time will be able to heal your current wounds. So…besides that…is there anything I can get you?" the young waitress spoke, a gentle smile across her beet red face.

Disappointed, Iwaki spoke "Black coffee, please."

"R-Right away, Iwaki-san!" One she had left, a snicker had escaped from Renji's lips, the older man unable to figure out his amusement.

"What's so funny?" He asked, unsure of what the other man's response would be.

"It seems I've completely forgotten that you're, well,_ you_ Iwaki-san." Clearing his throat, he took another sip of his Earl Grey, the older man still unable to comprehend.

"I don't believe I follow."

"Iwaki-san, you've acted in hundreds of movies, been the spokesperson of cologne ads, and it hadn't occurred to me that I'm actually here, in this small shop, having a real conversation with such a famous person like yourself. Take that girl for example, her face was as red as a strawberry, yet she didn't see you as a normal person, she saw you as her _idol_, the person she uses as a role model and follows the example of. With the month I've spent with you, it seems I've forgotten how popular you really are." Inhaling the gentle aroma of his tea, it complimented his sense of smell. "Goodness, but I do apologize for grabbing your hand, I wouldn't want the paparazzi to capture this misunderstanding and make an ugly article about it, especially with your current state." Being handed his drink, the young woman placed the cup gently in front of him, leaving quickly.

Taking a drink, the light from Iwaki's eyes slowly began to fade, trying to find comfort in the warmth of his coffee. "I'm no idol. Just a hypocrite feeding people lies…" Noticing the fierce grip of his cup, Renji waited patiently for his client to continue his statement. "Work before personal life? Shit, look at me now! I can't even talk to my Director without feeling weak." His index finger continuously tapped against the wooden table, anxious as he sighed a stream of disappointment. "The day after tomorrow is probably going to be one of the worst days for that girl, along with hundreds of other people."

Renji paused, trying to reevaluate the situation; his head slowly crooking to the side as he noticed the discomfort in the man before him. "For talking to your Director, did something in the movie come up?" The blonde haired man stared, searching for the slightest bit of reaction in the other man before him. When he came across the roll of his eyes to the direction of the street, a sudden thought eclipsed the mind of the cautious adult. "Iwaki-san…you're not in the movie anymore, are you?"

Snorting, the raven-haired man carefully placed the porcelain cup back onto its plate, staring into its dark, creamy center, able to faintly notice his own reflexion. "How did you find that out?" he paused, rejecting eye contact. "Was it really that obvious?" a fake grin quickly spread itself onto Iwaki's careless expression, as he stirred his index finger into his drink, its warmth stinging at his frozen digit.

"A bit," Renji began, "I'm sure during this entire situation you've realized it would be best to resign from taking part in that movie."

"Or any movie for that matter…" the older man muttered, lifting his soaked finger as he licked away the remains of coffee from it, Renji watching him intently while he enclosed it in the fortress of his pure white napkin, placing his chapped lips back onto the cup while Renji tried to read his expressions.

Iwaki's eyebrows knitted together, the blonde-haired man gasping in a low tone, "Iwaki-san…does that mean-"

"Yeap. This is one of my last days as an actor, since I'll be retiring." Noticing the younger man before him glance at the waitress, who was attending to a high school couple, Renji couldn't help but give off a face of sadness.

"That really is a shame...but, considering you had done a fine job in your career as an actor, it's fine for you to resign. After all, continuing with such ill-spirits would surely only disappoint others. Have you talked to your manager about this?"

"Yes, I did yesterday. She came to visit and I found it as the proper opportunity to bring up the topic, since delaying such news would only be cruel of me to do." Shocked from the roar of thunder, Iwaki jolted in his seat, his hands trembling as he tried to laugh the uneasy tension away. "I thought the weather forecast predicted a clear night? Haha…" With his voice cracking, Iwaki hastily drank the rest of his coffee, burning his tongue as he winced at the pain, dropping the remaining liquid on his shirt as he yelped from the pain.

"Iwaki-san, are you alri-"

"Goodness," he coughed, his throat burning from the hot beverage, "I should really be more careful!" Iwaki tried to say in an enthusiastic tone, unable to refrain from hiding his lack of disregard from the incident. Grabbing the few napkins that were available, he carelessly began to wipe the coffee off, Renji evaluating his actions as he listened to the wind outside, watching the windows become covered in rain.

"Iwaki-san," Renji called out softly, his eyes straying back to the older man, "If you don't mind me asking, why are you drinking **black** coffee at _night_?

Staring back, a chuckle escaped from the raven-haired mans lips, placing the soggy tissues onto the table. "I guess I just prefer black from all the other kinds, it makes me feel awake!" As he forced this dry laugh from the back of his throat, an unamused expression crept onto Renji's face, his hand holding his drooping head up.

"Drinking black coffee at night will make it hard for you to sleep." Renji whispered, sipping his tea once again as Iwaki's head snapped up.

"Did you say something?" He asked in a confused tone, but Renji simply shinned a reassuring grin.

"Me?" he pointed to himself, his voice a mixture of innocence and deviance. "No, I didn't say anything." Clearing his throat a bit, the younger man could sense Iwaki's nervous state, hoping the continuation of the conversation would cure him from his restlessness. "Iwaki-san, I was wondering…" Waiting a moment to grab his attention, Renji advanced when the older man's eyes were glued on him. "Tomorrow, I'll be going to the gym for a bit and run on the track. Would you like to accompany me?"

Dumbstruck, Iwaki simply stared at him, unable to comprehend why he was invited. Able to understand the confused expression on his friend's face, Renji chuckled. "Don't worry, let me explain. You see, exercise is clinically shown to help those who are depressed. I see this as a perfect opportunity for you, since I can't say I approve of you staying locked up at home all day. When I used to be in the Hospital, I was forced to exercise every day, whether it was running, lighting weights or simply going out for a power walk. To be honest, even though the only thing I wanted to do was plant a bullet in my head at the time, I had to admit that the physical activity actually helped. I won't force you to come with me, but I highly recommend it."

Waiting a moment, Iwaki recollected himself, his mind a bit at ease in the fact that he knew a little more about the man before him. To put it bluntly, Iwaki knew close to nothing about Renji! It surprised him that although he poured his mind and soul towards this one man, he himself only knew that he had gone through an equally depressing experience as himself, and along with the fact that he had become one of the head people in the Reflection Center. This embarrassed the raven-haired man…"Renji," Iwaki called out, his voice exhaled with more life than before. "I'll go with you tomorrow, BUT," he paused, raising his head so that he was staring deeply into the hazel orbs the blonde obtained. The piercings on his ears made as perfect accessories for the younger man, and his body structure was simply short of perfect. Trying to refrain from staring at this man's perfect physique, Iwaki nearly became entranced in Renji's comforting aura, agreeing with himself that he would have made a perfect actor. "In return, I want to know more about you. About your life, your dreams, I want to know as much about you as you know of me."

Noticing Renji's face light up with amusement, low chuckles escaped from his lips, his cheeks turning a gorgeous rosy color as he stared at the raven-haired man with a grin plastered on his face. "You really are an amusing person, Iwaki-san…" re-adjusting himself in his seat, Renji lifted his hand up towards the air. "Excuse me, waitress!"

Approaching him, she bowed lightly. "Can I help you sir?"

"I would like one cup of Earl Grey tea, and my friend would have- Iwaki-san what do you want?" he whispered in a low tone.

"Hot chocolate." Iwaki whispered back just as softly, enjoying where this was going.

"And one cup of hot chocolate! Also, we would like a plate with a variety of cookies, please."

"Is there anything else you would like, sir?"

"No, that is all."

"I shall return shortly then, sir." Bowing once again, the young woman left to attend to their orders, leaving the two men alone.

"Since Iwaki-san wants me to tell you about my life, we might as well get comfy." Smiling, his hands were folded into each other as they rested on the table, unable to refrain from smiling. "Ready?"

"Go right ahead."

"My name is Renji Takahashi, I'm twenty-nine years old and come from Kagawa Prefecture, where I lived in until I was eighteen. My birthday is March fourth, which makes me a Pisces. I have two twin sisters who are eight years younger than me, and my father passed away when I was only four. When I was eighteen, I moved to Tokyo to attend a medical university, which is also where Saika Ohayashi, my deceased girlfriend and childhood friend went. We stayed together for about six years, but when I was twenty she was diagnosed with Leukemia, and by the time of my twenty-first birthday, she died. I graduated from the university, but due to my current state I was immediately sent to a mental hospital in Hokkaido by the time I was twenty-two." Placing their drinks and sweets on the table, Renji thanked the young waitress and watched her leave. Sipping his new cup of tea, the blonde-man exhaled a relieving sigh.

"Honestly, I don't think I can have enough of Earl Grey…Anyways, I stayed there for a little over two years, where I had repeatedly tried to attempt suicide. I was given daily pills, and by the time I had been released I still had someone who would regularly watch over me. I ended up living in an apartment close to the hospital, and I worked in a pet store for a year. The person who was assigned to look over me advised that I go to Tokyo, since his friend worked in a Reflection Center that needed new employees. I took the offer, and when I turned twenty-six my main goal wasn't to join Saika anymore, but to live for the better. Luctor Et Mergo, I struggle but I will survive, became my main motto. Once I got my job, I spent a year using my spare time in attending extra classes for psychology, along with making sure I exercised three days a week. If you're wondering, yes I studied psychology during my years in University, but I wanted to brush up on everything; since becoming a proper therapist was one of my top priorities." Grabbing a cookie, Renji bit lightly into its delicious exterior, liking his lips as he smiled at the taste. "Try one, they're delicious!"

Staring at him, Iwaki sipped his hot chocolate, taking hold of a cookie as he tasted it.  
"Not bad…I'm not a fan of sweet things, but it really is good." Finishing it, the raven-haired man glanced at Renji's exposed wrists, able to notice his self-done injuries. "Um…I hope you don't mind me asking…but…"

"Don't be shy, what is it?"

Iwaki stammered, finding it rude to actually ask this, but he was aware his curiosity would get the better of him. "Renji…why don't you cover your arms? Aren't you embarrassed to show your…well…scars?"

Rolling up his sleeves as high as they could, Iwaki could simply stare at the younger man. "Of course not."

Feeling uncomfortable, Iwaki tugged on the sleeves of his sweater, covering his skin as he felt his freshly opened wounds throb in agitation. "B-but why? Shouldn't you want to hide them? It seems a bit strange that you're perfectly fine with displaying them!" Slapping his mouth shut with his palms, Iwaki whispered his apology at the rude remarks he had given.

"I guess it does seem a bit strange," Renji began, allowing for his tea to gently slide down his throat. "But in showing my scars, it proves I have conquered my problems. Iwaki-san, would you give me your arm?"

Doing as he was asked, Iwaki hesitantly allowed for Renji to take hold of him, the warmth in his hands complimenting the raven-haired man's frozen fingers. Placing his hand on the material that lied on top of Iwaki's scarred wrists, the blonde-haired man simply smiled, his eyes closed shut as his body remained calm and tranquil. "Iwaki-san, I know that one day you'll be able to conquer your troubles, and when you do, you won't need to worry about hiding yourself. You won't need to cover all your injuries anymore, because in being able to expose them, it proves you're no longer afraid, no longer weak, and no longer allowing yourself to submit to anyone, or anything." Letting go of his hand, the pain from Iwaki's wrists slowly began to subside, only able to stare at his arm, questioning why Renji's power in speaking had cured his physical problems.

"You know, the first day I met you, I was pretty nervous. Not because I was going to be the therapist of such a famous person like yourself, but because I seemed so silly and over optimistic when we met. Remember when you were staring at the portraits, and I said that they were so depressing in such an optimistic tone? That even made _me_ cringe! That's why when you called me the next day, I was happy that I didn't make such a bad impression on you, since you choose entirely when you want to come to the Center." Laughing, Iwaki remained quiet, re-collecting himself as he noticed the calm expression on Renji's face.

"_No_…" the raven-haired man thought to himself. "_You were __**PERFECT**__…_"

Glancing at the clock on the side of the wall, the blonde-haired man reached into his wallet, placing the payment of their orders as he wrapped himself in his feathery jacket. "Sorry Iwaki-san, but I gotta run. I have a meeting in the morning and can't afford to miss it. It was great seeing you today! I'll be sure to call you tonight for our plans tomorrow." patting his shoulder, Renji left the small shop, walking into the brightly lit street as Iwaki simply remained in his seat, his head hanging low while small droplets of relief landed on the tightly wrapped fists that rested on his lap.

Grabbing his jacket that rested on the back of his seat, Iwaki dashed outside of the store, running in the direction where Renji left as the rain landed on his skin like flying bullets. Landing harshly, Iwaki wrapped his arms around his friend's neck, holding him tightly as it surprised the blonde. "Iwaki-san?" Feeling his grip tighten, Iwaki simply held onto Renji for dear life, not wanting to let go of him as he remained silent. Sighing, a warm chuckle escaped from the younger man's lips. "Hey, that's not fair…" he called out, his voice calm as he turned around to face the older man, bringing them both underneath the awning of a closed cake shop. "I want to be able to hug you back…" Noticing the redness in Iwaki's eyes, it was evident to tell that he had been crying. Enclosing the weak man in his arms, a simple smile remained unchanging on Renji's face. "Why the sudden change of character, something happen when I left?"

Simply holding him tight, whimpers began to be heard from Iwaki's trembling lips. "Thank you…" he cried out, unable to remove his grasp from Renji's well-developed body. "If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have been able to survive this long…"

The two men just stood there, not caring who stared or who snarled at them, because such insignificant matters like those wouldn't be able to ruin such a perfect moment.

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**Sorry it took so long to upload this chapter, I was really careless in writing this. I was originally planning for something completely different to happen, but the more I continued writing the more it turned into a sweet chapter, instead of something messed up happening! xD**

**Since my original plans weren't going to work out anymore, I found this as a perfect opportunity for you guys to know more about Renji! :D To be honest, I really love Renji, he's such a great character! I really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, even though it's about two months late _**

**Also, if you guys are still wondering how Renji looks, while I was reading Sekaiichi Hatsukoi (love that manga~) I realized that Yukina Kou looked just like how I imagined him! :D You know, just imagine him as a blonde instead of a brunette~ **

**Thanks for being so patient my lovelies, you guys are the best!  
**

**REVIEW FOR A NEW CHAPTER BEFORE CHRISTMAS!**

**_EDIT_ _1/18/12: OMG GUYS ._. I'm sooo sorry I haven't posted chapter 23 yet, I've had so much time but my brain has had a massive writers block, I can't write chapter 23 without literally forcing myself to _ I know no one will probably see this, and I apologize for not updating for nearly 2 months, but I'll really try to update before February! For everyone that is patient and forgiving, thank you! _**


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